Formflier - well that is what I had to conclude myself - that the T was trying to tell me that GF is saying she's just gonna rage and that is who she is, and that she has needs and if I can't meet her needs... . blah, I don't know where I was going with that. What I mean to say is that at times it felt like the T was encouraging me to stand up for myself.
But the session was an hour of basically abuse 101 - GF using the sarcasm, raised vice, projection, and threats, right in the session. I was just a little shocked the T didn't step in and say - hey - obviously he is hurt by that, what can you do differently to help the situation?
I just can't imagine the T sat there and didn't think "wow, she is out of control, this guy needs help." I've heard stories on here of other Ts taking a client aside to say, "you are being abused, get out."
Or maybe the T was scared herself?
This is EXACTLY why I do not support couples counseling. What I wanted was validation from my T and for him to tell my BPDgf that she was off her rocker and to get real
That never happened as I am very sure he was afraid of her.
Anyway, she went on and on about how she gets angry and normal relationships have cursing and raging and if I cant take it that means I need to have a backbone to be with someone like her. ! And T tended to agree?
I'm trying to understand... .
I hear that often after me and my wife argue, that I don't get angry enough. But why is it OK for them to demand we change for them when they don't change themselves? And why would one prefer to be yelled at instead of having a discussion?
This is one of my favorite things that my gf likes to drive me crazy with. We have had this discussion several times and I wish I could have it again now. I never did validate it before, but I never had a good come back for it. I would tell her now that a RS is about respect and screaming at someone is not respectful. Period. Then if she started screaming I would walk away
My friend (backup T) thinks that my gf does this because she equates rage with love. My gf used to tell me about crazy fights with her exNPDbf. Once they got into it and he said something about the clothes he had bought her. So she took them all off and walked out of his office and through his business in front of all his customers and employees in her underwear
Of course this led to a major public rage of which I'm sure she felt a lot of love.
Very sick and I refuse to participate. I will calmly walk away with my dignity and will be the bigger person. You are NOT controlling her by walking away. Total BS. Protect yourself at all costs. This is your backbone and she is trying to manipulate you into abandoning it. Don't fall for it. Push through the extinction bursts and you know it will get better. Then she will just say that you don't love her anymore because now you have a "backbone". Don't listen to the crazy. Listen to the tools because they work.
