Age Difference, Father (or Mother) Figures

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I've noticed on these boards that quite a few relationships between BPD and there nons often include large age differences; in my case, 24 years. Many posts also mention a parent/child type relationship regardless of age, particularly with waif types. I read a post earlier that mentioned the child/waif type as seeing the "parent" as almost indestructible, and therefore reducing feelings of guilt and responsibility for the destructive behaviors of the BPD.

My uBPD ex gf abandoned me for her married affair partner after five or six weeks of recycling/triangulation between the two of us, finally dumping me when I read text messages between the two of them on her cell phone, indicating that their affair continued. Typical behavior followed, including assurances of lifetime love, being like family, admiring me for restoring her faith in humanity, being soulmates, best frends, etc., but needing to be with him "for now," while posting pictures of the two of them embracing on Facebook (since blocked). Truly the most devastating, heartbreakingly cruel mind fukc of my entire life.

After the abondonment, my ex said she saw me as the stong, independent one, and mentioned that she thought I would understand her need to "live her young life" and "make her own mistakes," which apparently included hooking up with a married drug addict, relapsing after two years of sobriety, and slipping into daily drug use herself. During a text discussions about two months after the breakup, she said that she saw me as a father figure, and said she considered our love "unconditional," which apparently meant that I would stick around on the back burner, providing emotional support and triangulation, as well as leaving us open to recycle. As another poster mentioned, in his relationship the BPD "child" was rebelling against the "parent," much as a teen would, while still expecting the parent to be there to catch them during the fall.

I originally thought her "father figure" and "uncondotional love" ideas were simply additional excuses (and there were plenty of others) to avoid responsibility for destroying our relationship, but after reading other posts earlier today I am not so sure. Perhaps she really did expect me to stick around, or perhaps its just more bull sh!t. But the idea of the "indestructible" parent was one I had never considered until today. (Sorry but I can't find the original post).

Has anyone else had similar thoughts/experiences?

[Penumbra66]

I've noticed on these boards that quite a few relationships between BPD and there nons often include large age differences; in my case, 24 years. Many posts also mention a parent/child type relationship regardless of age, particularly with waif types. I read a post earlier that mentioned the child/waif type as seeing the "parent" as almost indestructible, and therefore reducing feelings of guilt and responsibility for the destructive behaviors of the BPD.

My uBPD ex gf abandoned me for her married affair partner after five or six weeks of recycling/triangulation between the two of us, finally dumping me when I read text messages between the two of them on her cell phone, indicating that their affair continued. Typical behavior followed, including assurances of lifetime love, being like family, admiring me for restoring her faith in humanity, being soulmates, best frends, etc., but needing to be with him "for now," while posting pictures of the two of them embracing on Facebook (since blocked). Truly the most devastating, heartbreakingly cruel mind fukc of my entire life.

After the abondonment, my ex said she saw me as the stong, independent one, and mentioned that she thought I would understand her need to "live her young life" and "make her own mistakes," which apparently included hooking up with a married drug addict, relapsing after two years of sobriety, and slipping into daily drug use herself. During a text discussions about two months after the breakup, she said that she saw me as a father figure, and said she considered our love "unconditional," which apparently meant that I would stick around on the back burner, providing emotional support and triangulation, as well as leaving us open to recycle. As another poster mentioned, in his relationship the BPD "child" was rebelling against the "parent," much as a teen would, while still expecting the parent to be there to catch them during the fall.

I originally thought her "father figure" and "uncondotional love" ideas were simply additional excuses (and there were plenty of others) to avoid responsibility for destroying our relationship, but after reading other posts earlier today I am not so sure. Perhaps she really did expect me to stick around, or perhaps its just more bull sh!t. But the idea of the "indestructible" parent was one I had never considered until today. (Sorry but I can't find the original post).

Has anyone else had similar thoughts/experiences?

[Whiteytheox72]

My exBPDgf replaced me with her 71 year old blood cousin (she was 42) she seduced at a family christmas party. She was the picture definition of waif/hermit. Had been molested by her father at 10 years of age. The relationship was based off him providing her weed post seduction and degenerated into a Dominant/submissive daddy/daughter relationship. She told me it made her feel like a little girl again and that he needed to be punished because the family held him in high regard and viewed her as trash. It was honestly the sickest thing I have ever heard of and been exposed to. He even told her that her 11 year old daughter was beautiful and marriage material. These people are just sick... .Sick in a way no sane human can even fathom.

[Penumbra66]

My exBPDgf replaced me with her 71 year old blood cousin (she was 42) she seduced at a family christmas party. She was the picture definition of waif/hermit. Had been molested by her father at 10 years of age. The relationship was based off him providing her weed post seduction and degenerated into a Dominant/submissive daddy/daughter relationship. She told me it made her feel like a little girl again and that he needed to be punished because the family held him in high regard and viewed her as trash. It was honestly the sickest thing I have ever heard of and been exposed to. He even told her that her 11 year old daughter was beautiful and marriage material. These people are just sick... .Sick in a way no sane human can even fathom.

The mother of my ex had accused her father of molesting her, which my ex denies. But her mother would shack up with one guy and then another, and my ex mentioned as a girl she would sleep on her mother's ever-changing boyfriends' couch, etc. I always wondered about the posibility that she had been molested. I know she had been raped by two thirty-something thugs that she had "befriended" when she was 16.

Her father left when she was a kid, and she her mother admitted cheating on him numerous times. Her mother was living with some guy when I met her, and within days after dumping him was with another. She also had cheated on him a number of times. Like mother, like daughter, apparently.

I always wondered what connection I may have had with her father. More likely I represented a stable parental figure in contrast to her mother, which she described as a "horrible person." I suppose I will never figure it out, but when you are stuck with madness you look for answers.