She's gone

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I met this amazing witty and fun young lady 8.5 years ago. She was married but was at the end of it. Her marriage was short like 2-3 years and not very intimate she said. She had just had an affair w a colleague months before. I thought I'd be the hero. The o e that saves her and helps her w a new and better life.

She did leave her husband after she went to counseling to have him admit interest in pornography (not about her affairs). She left him and immediately moved in w me. We were hardly ever apart. A very physical relationship which was amazing and satisfying. I was so in love. She said she was too.

This year was rough. Earlier in the year I felt her start to pull away. Not involved w the family as much (I have 2 boys that were 2/4 when she came into our lives). She is a runner and trains and races a lot. I got into competing a couple years ago to have something of my own as well. This year she was more involved and more interested in Facebook and running. Her running groups saw her more than I did. She was spending more time w them than w us.

She started to accuse me of verbal abuse mid summer. Saying that I'm mistreating her. I've had years of her raging and suicidal threats and claims that I hate her, which not one moment of my life have I ever hated her. I hated her illness but that was a secret.

She told me when we first started our relationship that she had bipolar. There were so many times I didn't see it. She did have some issues that we just couldn't figure out, later a couple therapists suggested we look at BPD. One therapist was a cbt therapist. She actually admitted herself into a mental hospital in March this year. She was in 1-2 weeks hating every minute of it and promising she'd continue counseling after. Never happened. She also promised that she'd never have an affair again, never leave me as she did her first husband. Even up to the week she left.

We share a faith in God. This year she started also saying that God wouldn't bless our marriage. That God wouldn't bless her. Bless us or me if we stayed married. All untrue and our counsellors and friends from church even stated it was not true.

She had been on fb and her phone a lot the last couple months. She was texting a lot. One person I knew from the running group a lot. I shared concern and even reached out to him saying it was inappropriate. She denied any wrong doings. She left for a couple weeks saying we needed space. I am not sure what all happened or did t happen during that time away. It just now saw a on me that I hadn't heard from her for 5 days and I realize that there might be so much I don't know. She came back saying she was miserable. Wanted us to work on things. We went to a counseling appointment together once and she let it all out. Felt beat up. We had sex for the first time in months the night before. I was confused. The next week we Were intimate again a couple times. I thought we were getting back to our relationship again. She left for a weekend race w that guy. I didn't hear from her at all. She came home to say she was done. That it was over. Time to close the book on our marriage.

It's been 4 months. She's not see. The boys since before she left. I've seen her once. She's lied about that guy from the start and has been living w him for most of the time apart. She changed her name and status on fb immediately. She cold for divorce 2 weeks after leaving. She's determined to. Ever return and accuse me of more mental and emotional and verbal abuse, all while not admitting or confessing the affair.

I've shared w her books and notes about love and care and marriage and BPD. I've read almost every book out there and have given them to her. She yelled at me Christmas Eve (day after our 7th wedding anniversary and first time I e talked w her since she left on the phone) about her not being ill. Even though 2 weeks before leaving she suggested admitting herself in the hospital again.

So here I am. Broken apart. Missing my wife. Hoping she'd see what she's done and getting help. She has told her friends the last couple months have been the happiest she's ever been. It's heartbreaking and I dontknow how I'm going to get thru this.

[Schuer1]

I met this amazing witty and fun young lady 8.5 years ago. She was married but was at the end of it. Her marriage was short like 2-3 years and not very intimate she said. She had just had an affair w a colleague months before. I thought I'd be the hero. The o e that saves her and helps her w a new and better life.

She did leave her husband after she went to counseling to have him admit interest in pornography (not about her affairs). She left him and immediately moved in w me. We were hardly ever apart. A very physical relationship which was amazing and satisfying. I was so in love. She said she was too.

This year was rough. Earlier in the year I felt her start to pull away. Not involved w the family as much (I have 2 boys that were 2/4 when she came into our lives). She is a runner and trains and races a lot. I got into competing a couple years ago to have something of my own as well. This year she was more involved and more interested in Facebook and running. Her running groups saw her more than I did. She was spending more time w them than w us.

She started to accuse me of verbal abuse mid summer. Saying that I'm mistreating her. I've had years of her raging and suicidal threats and claims that I hate her, which not one moment of my life have I ever hated her. I hated her illness but that was a secret.

She told me when we first started our relationship that she had bipolar. There were so many times I didn't see it. She did have some issues that we just couldn't figure out, later a couple therapists suggested we look at BPD. One therapist was a cbt therapist. She actually admitted herself into a mental hospital in March this year. She was in 1-2 weeks hating every minute of it and promising she'd continue counseling after. Never happened. She also promised that she'd never have an affair again, never leave me as she did her first husband. Even up to the week she left.

We share a faith in God. This year she started also saying that God wouldn't bless our marriage. That God wouldn't bless her. Bless us or me if we stayed married. All untrue and our counsellors and friends from church even stated it was not true.

She had been on fb and her phone a lot the last couple months. She was texting a lot. One person I knew from the running group a lot. I shared concern and even reached out to him saying it was inappropriate. She denied any wrong doings. She left for a couple weeks saying we needed space. I am not sure what all happened or did t happen during that time away. It just now saw a on me that I hadn't heard from her for 5 days and I realize that there might be so much I don't know. She came back saying she was miserable. Wanted us to work on things. We went to a counseling appointment together once and she let it all out. Felt beat up. We had sex for the first time in months the night before. I was confused. The next week we Were intimate again a couple times. I thought we were getting back to our relationship again. She left for a weekend race w that guy. I didn't hear from her at all. She came home to say she was done. That it was over. Time to close the book on our marriage.

It's been 4 months. She's not see. The boys since before she left. I've seen her once. She's lied about that guy from the start and has been living w him for most of the time apart. She changed her name and status on fb immediately. She cold for divorce 2 weeks after leaving. She's determined to. Ever return and accuse me of more mental and emotional and verbal abuse, all while not admitting or confessing the affair.

I've shared w her books and notes about love and care and marriage and BPD. I've read almost every book out there and have given them to her. She yelled at me Christmas Eve (day after our 7th wedding anniversary and first time I e talked w her since she left on the phone) about her not being ill. Even though 2 weeks before leaving she suggested admitting herself in the hospital again.

So here I am. Broken apart. Missing my wife. Hoping she'd see what she's done and getting help. She has told her friends the last couple months have been the happiest she's ever been. It's heartbreaking and I dontknow how I'm going to get thru this.