Wow after finding this site I don't feel so alone

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi everyone,
First post here!
I can't believe there are so many people out there in the same boat as me.
I am dealing with what I have diagnosed as a BPD wife. And it seems that our marriage counselor is agreeing with me on that also as I saw her alone this past Tuesday.
I am currently under the silent treatment/ punishment with the threat of a looming divorce from her. This happens all to often.
She just stopped wearing her wedding ring for the second time now in the past 2 months.
Everything is my fault.
Your trying to have an affair with the neighbor.
And so on and so on and so on.
All lies.
Luckily I have good friends at work I can talk to but they aren't giving advice from experience with this disorder.
I have great parents that I have not told them anything about this situation but I know they are there for me.
I have finally came to the conclusion that I cannot deal with this anymore unless she try's to get some help for her self which I know she will NEVER do.
So... .this coming Tuesday evening when we go to see our marriage counselor again, my plan is that I am basically going to give the Ultimatum that she has to get help or I am done and will be contacting a divorce attorney.
I have to wait to talk at the counselor's because... .
 There is no way I can have any kind of serious discussion with her unless there is a referee involved.
 There is no way she will even listen to a single word from me about her being wrong or having a disorder.
But if the referee/counselor talks to her she will actually listen.
I know if she actually listens and does decide to get help I am in for a long maybe never ending recovery but I would do that for her and our daughter.
But I must say that cutting my losses and being happy again sure seems appealing.
I have done soo much research in the past year or so on this disorder I can't believe I have not found this forum before.
I'm glad I did.
I'll be doing a lot more reading on here for sure.
 It sure is good to see that I'm not alone nor am I the bad crazy person she makes me out to be.

[Lugnut]

Hi everyone,
First post here!
I can't believe there are so many people out there in the same boat as me.
I am dealing with what I have diagnosed as a BPD wife. And it seems that our marriage counselor is agreeing with me on that also as I saw her alone this past Tuesday.
I am currently under the silent treatment/ punishment with the threat of a looming divorce from her. This happens all to often.
She just stopped wearing her wedding ring for the second time now in the past 2 months.
Everything is my fault.
Your trying to have an affair with the neighbor.
And so on and so on and so on.
All lies.
Luckily I have good friends at work I can talk to but they aren't giving advice from experience with this disorder.
I have great parents that I have not told them anything about this situation but I know they are there for me.
I have finally came to the conclusion that I cannot deal with this anymore unless she try's to get some help for her self which I know she will NEVER do.
So... .this coming Tuesday evening when we go to see our marriage counselor again, my plan is that I am basically going to give the Ultimatum that she has to get help or I am done and will be contacting a divorce attorney.
I have to wait to talk at the counselor's because... .
 There is no way I can have any kind of serious discussion with her unless there is a referee involved.
 There is no way she will even listen to a single word from me about her being wrong or having a disorder.
But if the referee/counselor talks to her she will actually listen.
I know if she actually listens and does decide to get help I am in for a long maybe never ending recovery but I would do that for her and our daughter.
But I must say that cutting my losses and being happy again sure seems appealing.
I have done soo much research in the past year or so on this disorder I can't believe I have not found this forum before.
I'm glad I did.
I'll be doing a lot more reading on here for sure.
 It sure is good to see that I'm not alone nor am I the bad crazy person she makes me out to be.

[joeramabeme]

Hi Lugnut

Welcome to BPD family!   

Sorry to hear what you are going through.  Living in a BPD relationship can be very challenging.  I think you have made it to the right place to get some support. 

It sounds like you have been trying to communicate with your wife and seem frustrated; which is understandable.  Have you read any articles here deciding whether or not to break off your marraige?  There are certainly some considerations to help ensure that your message is "heard" and not reacted to.  Here is a link to an article on some decision making guidelines that may be of help: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111890.0

Also, there is another board where your post is likely to get more responses called "Conflicted or Deciding", you may consider posting over there if you would like to hear more from others.

Best, JRB