Trying to make sense of it

[wheretostart0]

So I dated / was in a sexual situation with a quiet waif. At times it felt like it, but It wasn't a real rs. It was good (the first 3-4 months). She always had a lot of red flags but I ignored them. Chased me.

Eventually I gave in emotionally and she knew it. I never told her I love you or anything but I guess she sensed something. Things took a turn and she was withholding everything from me for the next 3-4 months she was distant (obviously another man) and treated me horribly, barely made an effort to spend time like she used to. I wasn't a saint with the things I said to her but this whole period I was contemplating ending it. Tons of lies and nothing made sense during this time. A lot of circular arguments. I never did and she ended it but I definitely stroked her ego as she departed. Then She tried to drag me along as a friend while she was with other men and I made it clear I wouldn't have it.

Yet she kept reaching out... .wouldn't meet me 1/2 way in the figurative sense and meet. this went on for 6 months. With two fights thru text. Both times pulled the same friend card on me. That was 5 months ago.

In that span she's tried to contact me a few times but I won't engage. I made a really long story short but... .

Am I doing the right thing?

[schwing]

Depends on what you mean by "the right thing?"

For people with BPD (pwBPD) the alternating between "good" periods and "bad" periods in a relationship, regardless of whether or not it is "officially" a relationship, is part of the full package.  It doesn't matter what you do or do not do, after being idealized, you will be devalued.

So if you no longer want to be on this kind of roller coaster ride, then you did the right thing.  Some people miss the ups so much that they're willing to tolerate the downs.  The thing is, higher up you go, the farther down you fall.  If you find yourself missing the ups (and downs), it would serve you to look into why.  Because this time around, maybe it's not that hard to walk away.  But next time around (with someone else perhaps?) it might not be so clear cut.

Best wishes,

Schwing

[wheretostart0]

Thanks for your post.

It was tough to walk away though I must say.
Very confusing stuff.

[FallenOne]

Some people miss the ups so much that they're willing to tolerate the downs.

This... This is why I stayed so long. I kept trying to "get back to how we were" and that phrase came up many times in talks/arguments... The more that time went by, the fewer and fewer the good times became, and the worse the bad times got... .But I didn't change anything about who I was from the beginning of the relationship. So what changed?

If you find yourself missing the ups (and downs), it would serve you to look into why. 

I think the answer to that is easy... The good times in these relationships are so good and so beyond what a normal relationship offers, that it literally becomes like an addictive fantasy that you want to keep reliving... That honeymoon and idealization phase is so good and such a rush, that who wouldn't want to feel that all the time?