How to handle when he sees rejection everywhere?

[PathFinder1]

Hi , new here, I found this because my undiagnosed BPD told me he thought he had BPD, so I started looking online, and found Randi's book.  Tonight is a perfect example - he has pain in arm, went to massage therapist we have used.  The massage therapist has a new office. Husband went and waited, thinking he was being ignored by receptionist, who was not receptionist for massage therapist.  Finally, MT comes out, family issue, has to leave.  Bad deal, but H says, "No one wants to deal with me, it just takes me time to see that."  Not true in this case, MT has his own issues, but is gifted bodyworker, but now H is bummed out, negative, and wont' go back to get the help he needs.  Plus, I am supposed to listen to the "no one likes me or wants to deal with me."  I am so tired of this!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Harri]

Hi. 

That sounds frustrating for the both of you.   It can be very difficult to deal with this mood.

It has been a couple of days since you posted.  How are things now?  Is he still in his downward spiral?  How are you doing?

[Ozzie101]

Welcome to the family, PathFinder!

Your situation with your massage therapist is very familiar to me. My undiagnosed H also tends to react strongly to anything he remotely perceives as rejection. A lot of it is just talk. (Can't tell you the number of times he's said he's going to completely cut off life-long friends, though he never follows through.)

How do you usually respond when he gets like that? I know, in my case, I was doing a lot of JADEing (Justify Argue Defend Explain), which seems like a logical, rational thing to do, but after coming here, I realized that in doing that, I was actually making things worse!

Keep posting!