NotAHero
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: In the recycling phase
Posts: 315
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« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2022, 07:44:35 AM » |
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I will start :
A letter from the exile of hearts.
When you started recycling me I was lucky enough to stumble upon the words of a great guy who went through the exact same situation. He wrote :
“The person suffering form BPD will do this, over and over, until there is not a single shred of a chance it will work between you, she will destroy everything the two of you once had, and blame you for it not working out when she finally gives up...that, or the next "flavor of the month" that catches their eye comes along, and off they go, chasing that drug-like Honeymoon Phase and validation and rush of chemicals that a new "love" brings to them.”
I know that you have no idea of the pain you caused me. I know you don’t remember the poem I wrote you once when you said I don’t love you. The poem that says this:
I don't love you, but I wake up at night from the sweetest dreams looking for your smile...
I don't love you, but I forget my worries and tears if I hear your words even alone on an isle...
I don't love you, but I chase the summer in your hair all the way to the sun mile by mile...
I don't love you, but I look for you in novels, love stories, happy and sad poems from every style...
I don't love you because love is just a selfish desire not a unity, for love only lasts for a while...
I don't love you because love is between two and you are a secret flowing from my own heart like the Nile ...
Oh …the naive me 5 years ago. It was almost 4 years after my first divorce. My first divorce was different, I just ended a loveless marriage and was punished for it. I did not miss that person. I allowed myself to be vulnerable again. I believed you. I believed in us. I loved looking at our pictures together. I felt whole. I believed your sweet words. The way you matched my creative writing. I thought we were two pure hearts that finally met in this cold dark universe. I was well guarded when we met too. I put a lot of resistance to your idolization. I knew who I was and knew who I wasn’t. Then again like a wave carving a rock over time you made me believe you knew me. You made me believe you loved me.
All those feelings all the beliefs …only existed on the beautiful surface you put up to the world. You are undeniably beautiful, no one can contest that, but below the surface …an empty shell of a human being. Someone with deep seated issues unresolved …pain, anger, endless trauma …I do feel sorry for you. I really really do and I don’t say that to inflict any bad feelings on you. I’m fact chances are you will never read this because I’m not sending it to you. I’m writing it because I’m putting this chapter away. I do feel bad for you but that burden is not mine anymore. I must take care of myself and my child. I’ll leave you to the universe, and the next guy and the next. I know one day when your charm fades you have to face the music. I do not wish you ill, I do wish you happiness I just don’t know how can you ever be happy when you go through the same cycle again and again.
I will heal from this, I wish you had taken the time to heal too instead of numbing the ever lasting pain by jumping to the next. I wish that for our son’s sake but if you thought that we would of never been broken today.
With this letter I will put that chapter away. I relived so much pain as I wrote it. I can’t help feeling betrayed but how can I blame someone who betrays themselves first !
Today I’ll pick up my broken pieces and leave the battles of rings , purses, diamonds and fur …I told you from the beginning I never compete with other men. If you don’t choose me I won’t chase you.
Don’t ever , ever come back to recycle me again. There is nothing left for you here after tomorrow. I am giving myself one more day. Coincidently the day you will be picking the rest of your stuff and forever never step in my house again.
I promise you, I will heal from this. I will be better than ever before. What you discarded as garbage - for no reason- will be someone else treasure. For my son too I’ll heal and I will continue to provide him the peace, consistency and harmony in his 50/50 time with me. He will always have a reference to sanity, love, respect and logic.
Good bye, beautiful person, with my best wishes I let you go out of my heart and soon enough out of my thoughts …
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