I prayed for a dancepartner and I recieved much moren than I asked for

[zonnebloem]

 

Hello! You might have read my story of me and my ex... BPD and co-dependant dynamic.
I am going through the hard spell of letting go of that unhealthy relationship.
This W-end I drove to a Folk-Festival near my hometown.
Last year I was too much involved in the family of my ex to take care of the things that me, myself, I love to do.
Luckily a friend (with a very jealous wife so I am very carefull when I talk to him) of mine is in the organisation of the Festival and this is an extra drive for me to join the amusement.
Blessfull too is the one man, who turned out to become a good friend, who goes there every year and was looking forward to see me there and we do have profound talks.
Sitting in the sun, enjoying a cup of coffee, we share our life-story's and how we are all connected and the magic of it. I have a very warm feeling about this conversation. I feel renewed after the Festival.
The next day, this Sunday,there was a shared gathering in the church and we thanked  Jesus and the way he shows us to live in love and a band (people who met on Pelgrimwalk to Compostella and formed a musicband) played lifely.
I joined the fanfare to the meadow where the festival continued.
I was feeling alone, in the crowd, same Sunny place as the day before, but feeling so lost and lonely and missing the compagny from my ex, I had to hold back my tears.
It is not that I didn't know anyone but they all seemed so happy and busy chatting or dancing with their partners and friends. I remember- a few years ago 2013- the times that men turned me down and said they'd dance with younger females (16 to 20 years young) I remember to be so lonely and hurt for I love to dance.
Afterwards I heard the same men complaining that the Festival was great but there were not enough females to dance with!
Anyhow... .all this facts built a grave for me where I would rather stay in my (safe) house than to go out. I was giving up on life when my ex (BPD) remembered me from 3 years before and contacted me "out of the blue", 2014.
So... .there is me... .  2016... .open-air-festival... .great music... .lovely atmopshere... .lost and lonely... .moved to tears... .Twice I danced, I felt like begging for a dancepartner altough the dance was enjoyfull. I felt so much pain.
I walked to the bar to buy a 10-Euro-drink-card and I asked the card "and a man to dance with".
She laughed and called some volunteers who passed by but either they were wearing the wrong shoes or... .they had to work.
So, me and my drinkingcard ... .walked to the bar to get a beer to soften my pain of being alone and having to split from my (BPD) ex. He was very jealous, yes, he was not a dancer but very willing to learn it, yes... He was so jealous he made a scene when I danced with men I was used to dance with... But ... .he was compagny and he would buy me my drinks.
I felt so desperated lonely that I said: "Oh God, I cannot cope with this life anymore. I cannot walk alone anymore. I just cannot. End the pain of my suffering."
I realised that I was making it very hard on myself and very hard for the others who might be willing to dance with me but could not brake through the  wall I had built.
So... .I forced myself to be positive (my ex was Always so positive) and I prayed: "Jesus, you promised you give me everything I wish for to be happy. I ask you, I trust you'll give me a dancepartner NOW."
Nex I walked up to the crowd I know for I've taken dancelessons with the tallest man on the meadow and I say to him: "Next dance is ours." He looks at his wife and says: "I cannot promise that." So I take a chair, enjoy watching the dancers and my heart takes a leap when I see from the corner of my eye that the wife of the danceteacher encourages her beloved one to dance with me.
I look at her and she assures me that he comes to get me. Wauuw. It is almost too good to be true.
And so we dance and we whirl the Polka and it is all but joy.
I'm still excited when the next dance begins and a very gentle Frenchman asks me kindly to dance.
And we dance and we dance and we kind-of-flirt and we talk and he follows me like a puppy.
He's not only a fantastic great dancer (French mother, Italian father) he is musician too.
He's at our coast for work and visits the festival on his one.
The perfect match to me!
I introduce him to a guitarist who's in the same the save-the- natureclub as me. He is playing guitar and I ask them to play together.
My dancing-partner plays accordeon.
For me it is time to take a break and be "alone" again... .Weird... .To realise that I have been that lonely just a few hours before! I thank Jesus.
A guide I know from that same nature-club, comes to say hello and asks me : "Where is your sister?"
"My sister?" I laugh: ":)on't you know we don't talk?" He says: "Yes; I heard about it. She is a guide now in the club. " Is answer: "Well, good on her. She must be intelligent because those courses are hard." He says: "We know she has problems -and her husband is strange too- but she takes medication and we do follow her. We'd love to see you more often though because you are Always so friendly and you did a good volunteeringjob" I say: "Oh, well, finally she admits to the medication but if you want to loose a guide, I will return to the club. I know she has left the club when I turned up. She is not the reason I left that job. It is the argument I had with the one woman responsible." He says: "I heard about that too and I know many people speak with a split tongue. One has to be careful." I say: "So, you don't care too much to loose my sister as a guide?" He says: "It would be a very pitty if you'd not come because of her and yes, we do have enough guides."
I said: "A pitty my sister is too much like my father, he was not good in his head either."
He says: "Hope to see you again and I saw you dancing and it made me happy to see you again.
I say: "Oh, It looks like I'll be dancing till the rest of the festival... happy to talk to you too!"

I walked back to "my puppy" who is puzzled why te guitarist didn't want to play music with him. How can I explain him that he fancied me (altough married) and acts in a stupid way.
He too had asked me to come back to the natureclub.
 At the festival his wife had asked me why my ex didn't join me and I gave her too much info for I saw her gossiping with others I know from the club.Later on,she  was happy enough to see me happily with my French partner.
He sat on my lap and I said: "Oh Jesus, you gave me much more than I asked for!"