Am I crazy?

[Edenalterego]

Every time BPDex talks to me I feel like she has no empathy and is just using me for attention through manipulative words. She would say I cause trouble for being insecure and non communitive. I always talk to her about how I feel. Then her loving words hardly ever match her actions.

She says she loves me but I can't feel it and I try to believe her but my gut keeps telling me to get out because I feel like I am being used, I get all the bad side while another guy gets all the good.

Am I crazy for thinking this way? Should I be more trusted in my guts or her words? I feel like I am going crazy. I have talked to her about this but she always make me feel like I am the one to be blamed for the fall of our relationship.

She is currently on dates with another guy, whilst keeping me as a "friend". When she used to spend time with me, she would text the other guy nonstop. But now that she's with another guy, she ignores all my text. Even when we were in a relationship she would only text me really late at night when she's feeling lonely and no one else is awake.

Should I try again for our relationship? Ive seen her best with someone else but she never does that with me, though she claimed she did. I wanted to go no contact but we work together, and she started to give me hell at work when we broke up, calling me names and bossing me around covertly, so I had to agree to be friends.

I really wanted to work something out. I feel like I am stuck. Not sure how to go forward. Cut her out again or try to win her back, I just couldnt tell if shes really using me or actually doing her best. I cant tell. I feel overwhelmed. Anyone whos had similar experiences or insights, please advice? Thank you for your time.

[Edenalterego]

help... .?

[Xeonrebel]

Get out of that rs.
If it helps i was Friends with ex gf for 3 months. She insulted me, treated me bad, used me for her own problems, but not mine, went on a date with some guy from tinder, after i told her of all her abuse got the super silent treatment and i havent heard from her almost for two months now. Its not worth it. They don't value what they have/had until they lose it, but truly lose it, not pretending that they lost you (believe me, they know when you are faking but they also know when its serious).

[Red5]

Edenalterego,

An "ex" is an "X"... .plot a course 180 degrees from her current location, & proceed forthwith !, .and don't look back.
Here are a few itemized words to describe,
*toxic
*incompatible
*train wreck
*untenable
*abusive
*unsustainable
*unstable
*harmful
*poisonous
*vindictive

I leave it at that, .a GF is one thing, a wife is another, consider yourself lucky, .be careful, and take care of yourself, and do not let others tear you down, life is far too short to be unhappy, and "used" by another. v/r Red5

[Edenalterego]

Thanks for the replies guys. I text her saying I feel disrespected when she ignores my text (she read it) just because she's with her replacement for a week.

She sent back a nice short message telling me to "F*** off" the next day.

My worst nightmare is happening.

[Red5]

Edenalterego,

"My worst nightmare is happening."

Wake up from said nightmare, & don't return to it.

Time heals, .& lessons learnt the hard way are the ones most remembered.

Once intimate betrayal happens, there is no "fixing" that, or else ever rolling back time, what is done is done, better to have it happen now, than after martial nuptials... .trust me on this, you would be better off to thrive in a more healthy relationship.

Use what you have learned and move forward into a better life, .you don't deserve this kind of treatment. v/r Red5

[Edenalterego]

Edenalterego,

"My worst nightmare is happening."

Wake up from said nightmare, & don't return to it.

I won't turn back this time. She won't turn back either. Now I am just waiting for the nightmare to be over. I have tried desperately to wake up. I guess my BPDex gave me too many emotional pills I am way too deep in this. I need NC. I need to talk to my manager about not scheduling me and her together. Better yet if she decides to move somewhere else with her replacement. I desperately need NC.

[Xeonrebel]

Yes. No goodbyes, no nothing. Just leave, if she sends a message or email or whatever, just dont respond. Believe me i have been there and it just prolongs your nightmare.

[Red5]

Safe travels to you Edenalterego, and may positive karma be your path forward.

Health and happiness does come with time, but you must have patience.

Hang in there, and take it one day at a time, enjoy the sunrises in your life, and the invaluable peace of mind that will come your way once you are on firm, and independent footing once more.

Do not stop learning, and educating yourself, so that when your time comes again, you are able to discern (wisdom), and make the correct evaluations, decisions, and as well choice to enter into a new, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.

V/R Red5

[Edenalterego]

Edenalterego,
In regards to NC, or "gray rock" ... .
A resource link here;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5Gcx0o68vE
v/r Red5

This has helped me tremendously. I will carry this out. Also, thank you for introducing me to this channel. I can't express my appreciation enough.

Yes. No goodbyes, no nothing. Just leave, if she sends a message or email or whatever, just dont respond. Believe me i have been there and it just prolongs your nightmare.

I wont text her back or answer her calls anymore.  I have had enough, if she actually is happy with or even is abused by this other BPD, then so be it. I will listen to your advice and cut off all ties and only talk to her at work (I need this job, wished I could just leave).

Hang in there,

Do not stop learning, and educating yourself, so that when your time comes again, you are able to discern (wisdom), and make the correct evaluations, decisions, and as well choice to enter into a new, healthy, and fulfilling relationship.

V/R Red5

Thank you for encouraging words. From now on I will strive to work on myself, and next time when I encounter this situation, I will not allow myself to enter or stay in a abusive relationship. Hopefully by then I have learn to discern and love myself enough to walk away.
Third time is the charm. I hope my next relationship will be a healthy one. I will work hard on myself to ensure that.

Thank you all again. I will update any feelings or BPD contacts when it happens.

Love,
Edenalterego