Thank you!
Officially they were separated 1 year but they were seeing each other during this year time from time. She basically, according to her words, could separate herself from him (emotionally) because of me, because I am worth it.
How do you feel about this, or how do you process what she's saying here?
Triggers:
- I dont respont to her text because I have business meeting and she thinks I am somewhere else and not working, she demands to text entire day with so she is in check
- Me leaving her early because I have to work (I work as PM in small company I have to check work of my cooworkers for next day sometimes)
- when I have to study for school and she doesnt get that that I can't go to ie. cinema, store with her
This all above ie leads to arguments, I swear I dont cheat on her, I dont lie to her!
For a pwBPD, feelings are facts. It's best to engage the emotion (validate the valid), but not own the accusation (validating the invalid). There is a process here and tools which may help. Some members see improvement right away by using something as simple as SET:
TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and TruthSee a workshop on this and more:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0The constant checking in can be smothering, no? Due to issues with object constancy and fear of abandonment, her anxiety is triggered when you aren't there for her. I once rear ended a car less than two miles from home, set to arrive ten minutes earlier than I had committed to, because I was anxious after answering her text at the previous light. I wasn't paying attention. That was my issue for having poor boundaries. I shouldn't have even answered.
During arguments she say phrases like: He at least loved me; It was rough with him but I miss the good times etc.
Is this hurtful? It would be to me (I received similar treatment at the beginning of my r/s). What do you say in response to this? Mine used to be silence, hurt turned inward, and me thinking, "how could someone say something like that if they love someone?"
A core trait of the disorder is emotional dysregulation. Whatever is felt at the moment may come out, and though it might seem like she is doing this on purpose to hurt you---- and the loving attention afterwards is the most confusing part--- she is stating her pain sans empathy. Splitting (
see here for more) is a tough thing to deal with. We've all been there.