Working on another country, everytime I leave hell comes...

[hopefulless]

Hi this is my first post for guidance.

First of all I am too BPD diagnosed and in treatment, now I can control myself using logic over emotions, but it took a long time. I was never extreme since I always realized what I done and my suffering was because I knew what happened and the thinking of possible consequences after were the worst, so I did my best and today I am what I think someone that functions.

So I met a wonderful beautiful and amazing girl, and I think she is BPD.

I work in another country and I do my best to be with her the most that I can, but everytime I have to go again, she just changes... .She goes from that perfect girl to someone in rage by no reason, that explodes on me because for example I left the phone ring too many times before picking up, and when I say it's unfair what she is saying she starts to really try to put me down, calling me a kid, tht she wanted a man, and that to be with me and alone is the same thing.

After that she stays days without wanting to talk to me or when she does she explodes with all that mambo jambo again that she is better alone.

I am BPD so I try to assure her that it is not true because I know she loves me and I love her, and that it is so hard for me to leave her and that I will always be there for her.

But it does not work and she only closes on herself over and over, and I know that when I am days from returning home she changes again.

It is very hard for me since I already fight my own feeling to live this, but specially because she is really a special lady for me and I truly want to be happy with her as we are sometimes.

I know that she knows she is unstable and she wants to go to therapy, even do she just thinks it is stress. I want to take her to my psy but don't know how to do it.

Hope you guys can help me

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hopefulless]

In this exact moment she is not picking up my calls or texting back, she reads my facebook messages but does not reply.

So I just wrote once again to say that even do she will say that I left her she is the one who did it, and that I cannot continue to expect moment after moment that she decides if she talks to me or not, because I did nothing wrong and she is my girlfriend.

And ended by goodbye

[Dr.Me2]

Hopefulless,

What do you think makes her negative projection resorts to NC vs. DV (or rage, explosion, verbal abuse, etc)?

In other words, what triggers her NC and what triggers her DV?

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, Hopefulless 

I think it's great that you have helped your own BPD, to where you feel that you have it under control, and that now you are trying to make things better with your BPD girlfriend. How are things now with her? Is she taking your calls? Have you seen her or talked to her?

Now that you have found the Staying Board, when you have a chance it would really helpful for you to check out the SUCCESS STORIES and the LESSONS pinned to the top of the threads. Also, click on the Links to the right-hand margin of the page to learn everything you can to be able to better communicate with your girlfriend. We also have some information here that might answer your question regarding helping her decide to get counseling: Helping a loved one with BPD seek treatment. And one more that would interest you: Take the First Step Toward Improving Your Relationship [NEW].

We really have lots of very informative and helpful links on this site that can possibly make things better for you, and for her, too. Please keep us up to date, hopefulless, OK? And let us know how we can help you... .

[hopefulless]

Hi thanks for the support.

My gf after I sent her a message asking her to become the one that I fell in love for and that maybe with some help she could be happier called me, completely in rage, screaming that I am the one who is crazy and that my messages not only annoy her but also make her sick of me, and to please stop, stop talking to her... .and so I did.

So last night she started posting on her facebook some videos like "never gonna stop loving you like that" etc etc, and she sent me a sms saying just "good night" and I did not call or wrote back.

So today after seeing I did not write or call she started calling. She called one time and I did not pick up, and one hour after she tried again 2 more times, and the second one I picked up.

She asked me why haven't I called... .I replied ":)o you remember what you said to me yesterday?", she said yes.

So I do not know if I did the good thing or not but I said I was sleeping yesterday and today did not listen the phone ring.

And she just started talking like nothing happened. It is so strange, I do not even know how to be right now. I feel like I just don't want to trust her again with my feelings.

[Rapt Reader]

Thanks for the update, hopefulless. Unfortunately, if you read the links I've given you, you will see that there are many relationships like yours, and that your girlfriend's behaviors aren't very unusual for someone with BPD. Please check out the information I gave you, and click on the links to the right-hand side of this page; there are specific tools (communication, validation, boundaries, timeout) that everyone in a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder needs to master in order to make things better.

People with this disorder tend to perceive the world differently than you and I (and if you've had treatment for BPD this should ring true to you), but there is an order and the rationale within that perception - it's not just random craziness as we might sometimes think. Our senior members on this Staying Board are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems. The educational material associated with this group is based on the work from leading experts in the disorder.

Please keep telling us your story, and ask your questions... .and read, read, read all you can. It really will help  

[hopefulless]

Thanks for the update, hopefulless. Unfortunately, if you read the links I've given you, you will see that there are many relationships like yours, and that your girlfriend's behaviors aren't very unusual for someone with BPD. Please check out the information I gave you, and click on the links to the right-hand side of this page; there are specific tools (communication, validation, boundaries, timeout) that everyone in a relationship with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder needs to master in order to make things better.

People with this disorder tend to perceive the world differently than you and I (and if you've had treatment for BPD this should ring true to you), but there is an order and the rationale within that perception - it's not just random craziness as we might sometimes think. Our senior members on this Staying Board are very good at helping apply these principles to everyday life problems. The educational material associated with this group is based on the work from leading experts in the disorder.

Please keep telling us your story, and ask your questions... .and read, read, read all you can. It really will help  

Thank you for your reply, I am indeed reading the articles specially S.E.T. wich I truly believe it is very important even do a person is different from another, so that I must adapt. The only true thing I do not understand are boundaries, are they to impose to myself to preserve myself or to the my GF?

Now she seems to come back to the normal stage, calling me and wanting me to help her move out, do not know if now is the moment to talk and explain something or just go ahead like nothing happened.

And once again thanks for your help, even do my history, I was completely different... .