All night, all I can think of is her and wanting to be with her even though when we were together it was normally difficult and we clashed.
It's hard H Hi, but will get easier. I realise that doesn't help with where you are right now.
Make a BIG list of all the terrible and awful things she did. Every single one, every single time. Whenever she feel like you are missing her, go and read that list and remind yourself you don't miss any of that behaviour, because that is what you will keep getting if you are with her.
Stay strong x