Is this BPD?

[AVR1962]

My daughter is 34, diagnosed with BPD. I am starting to wonder if there is something else going on here.

Problems started when her dad left, she was 6. He was a cheat and was caught up in an affair. He had nothing to do with the girls for 2 years and the oldest one (with BPD) was heart broke. Of course she didn't understand what was going on but she certainly blamed it on me and nothing I did was right. She was acting out in school. Teachers suggested that I put her in counseling which I did. They determined she was suffering from her dad leaving and that she had this image of him that was more fantasy than real.

Two years after the divorce I met someone who had custody of his 2 boys. Dating actually went well and daughter seemed real happy to have a dad in her life. Both my daughters accepted BF well and infact the kids got along fine too. If she got in trouble for something I would talk to her or discipline her, she would then take her complaints to the other kids. She did not want to clean her room and would get the other kids to do whatever she didn't want to do.

As a teen she was very promiscuous but she was also seeking attention. One day I was called into the highschool... .principal told me that she had claimed her boyfriend beat her up but he felt that the black under her eyes was mascara. I go in and sure enough, mascara under her eyes. So I asked her why and she had no reasoning for me. She then accused another boy of raping her, we filed charges and she was examined. Shen then later dropped the charges on the boy. 

She started dating this boy when she was 16, the boy was 21. I forbid her to see the boy and I thought it was over only to realize she was sneaking out to see him. She would say she was going to work when she was actually spending time with him. Just days after her 17 bday I caught her in her lie, waited up for her, confronted her asking why she did this and she flew into a rage. She came at me and took her nails and scraped them down my arms, my arms were bleeding. I took her to the floor and held her there. I was debating whether to call the cops at this point and decided not to. She moved out that night and moved in with boyfriend and then told family and friends that I had attacked her. She quit school 3 months shy of graduation and the police came after me, said I had to have her in school. I did not even know where this guy lived but they found her. The oldest boy came home from school one day saying she heard my daughter was pg but I knew this wasn't possible. It was too soon after she left. I figured she was telling this 21 year old that she was pg to try to tie him into marriage. I found a tele # and contacted him and told him that I understood he was going into the military and was being told by my daughter that she was pg and I told him that it was not possible and told him how I knew this. He then broke up with her and went into the military. She was not pg but she then told everyone she had a miscarriage.

She then move several states away to live with her dad. Visits with him never went well and this was no exception. He was calling me telling me that she was lying and trying to get her kids to side with her, that she was lazy and did not wan tot work or do her share in the home, that she was being promiscuous and dating several different boys. She called me up about 6 months after she left and asked if she could come home. My husband didn't want her back in the house but we agreed under certain conditions... .she had to go back to school, had to get a job to support her gas and spending money, had to go to counseling. She agreed and did it all.

My husband was military and we had to leave the state. She decided that she didn't want to come with us. She attached herself to an old boyfriend from the past and they were suddenly engaged. I kind of felt that she was doing this to avoid being alone but I supported her decision. They had one child together and he was supposed to deploy. She wrecked her car and committed herself to a mental institution. By doing this it got her husband out of the deployment which I figured was the reason she did this in the first place by I am supporting this and wishing her well. She then starts claiming that she committed herself because her husband was abusing her and that their daughter was suffering from the abuse, having night terrors. The car that was wrecked was totaled but they still had to pay off the loan and they needed another car. She asked me if she could loan the money from me and pay us back, we agreed. As long as they were married he made sure to make payments to me but she left him shortly after this and all payments stopped.

She went for a visit to see my parents but ended up not going back to her husband, claiming she was being abused. She did not seem torn up but was dating another man instead. Daughter's husband didn't want the divorce and did not grant it so it had to be fought it court. Daughter got the state involved and had them convinced that their daughter was suffering from night terrors due to his abuse. I doubted all of this but I supported her. My mom was soon complaining that daughter was not taking care of her child, nor was she cleaning up after herself or caring for herself but that she was calling all these men. My mom told me how she would go on and on about all these horrible things I did to her that never happened. She told met hat my daughter was full of hate towards me. I knew she was, she was very good about placing blame on me but not taking responsibility for her own actions.

Daughter became pg by one of the men. I actually did not think the guy would stay. She was still married. Before the divorce was legal they had a wedding ceremony with family and attendants and then once the divorce was final they made it official by going to the Justice of the Peace. I did not attend this wedding, I could not support it. It was her choice but it seemed real odd to me to have a wedding ceremony when she was married to someone else. I did not say anything about no accepting her choice, I just told her I couldn't attend.

She became pg with child #3 and her younger sister and her father became very concerned as they said she was not taking care of the other two children and was just sitting on the couch watching TV and texting old boyfriends. My ex suggested an intervention but he wanted me to lead it and I knew after all the blame she had placed on me this was not a good idea so we talked to her instead, her dad and I. We expressed our concern for her health and if she was going to be able to care for 3 children and she was certain that she was fine. Somehow it leaked that this intervention was being talked about and daughter was furious, blaming me. I explained to her that I had not even heard of an intervention but my ex was pretty manipulative so I have not doubt the blame came form him.

I didn't live in the same state as my daughters and my ex so I didn't actually see alot of what was going on but I was being told. My Gm would clean her house to try and help. My other daughter did the same for a long long time but daughter had no ambition to get off the couch. Her husband was doing the cooking and any cleaning that was being done but he was also working full time. At one point when younger daughter was cleaning the house she called me and told me that crap from one of the kids was on the floor and they just covered it was a towel and told her it was there. She told me the kids were not allowed to eat unless my daughter got them food and so the youngest was crawling on the floor picking stuff out of the dirty carpet. My daughter felt that Social Services needed to be called and I made that call, wanting to get my daughter help as I felt perhaps she was dealing with depression. My family felt my daughter's kids should be taken away. I didn't see that as a solution, I have know too many kids taken away that didn't do well. SS showed up and gave them 24 hours before they entered the house and they spent hours cleaning up the house and all looked good once SS returned, nothing more after that. Her husband was upset that SS had been called and they were determined to find out who made that call. She told me if she found out who she would never speak to them. She then claimed that her husband asked SS and that they told him it was me. If she was reasonable to would have tried to talk to her but she was not using any kind of reasoning ability.

She then decides to leave hubby #2 and goes across country to stay with an old boyfriend. She left one of the girls with me and the younger two kids with her inlaws. For 3 weeks she was with this old boyfriend, telling her husband that they were just friends but telling me that she is in love and they have taken the relationship one step further. I am asking to please consider what she was doing. I was afraid of the group of people she was with and the atmosphere she was planning to take her children. I also was afraid she would do to her husband what she did to her first husband and would not allow visitation. She had already started telling me that her second husband had been abusing her and that the kids. Her husband finally calls me and asks if I know if she is having an affair or not and is starting to doubt that this is just a friendship. I did not tell him what she told me, I just told him I was unsure but I did not think it was right for her to be in this man's house. We had several phone calls, he was quite distraught and he started opening up about his concerns, that she was not caring for the kids or the home, would not cook, etc. and she would spend all her time texting and emailing old boyfriends. He told me that he was going to cut off her financial funding form their accounts to try to get her back home and it worked. As she was heading home I was talking to her. She was claiming she was going back fro her kids and then planned to leave with them again. I asked her to please consider working things out with her husband and she started screaming, "You always do this." Always do this? She went back to her husband, claimed to family that I accused her of having an affair and told her husband which I did not. She let family know that it was not an affair at all and that I had problems. Family have eyes and they saw for themselves what she did and no one supported it.

Time goes by and things were very tense between us for a long long time. I asked her to go to joint counseling with me and she declined, she didn't want to talk but she did fill everyone's ear that would listen and family told me plenty of what she was saying and it was all blaming me.

My Gma's health was getting bad, my mom was the care giver but my daughters didn't like what they were seeing so they kept me informed. I then would ask my mom questions but she wasn't being forth coming. My mother was trying to keep everyone away, she didn't like her brothers and sisters and didn't want them there. So during this time my oldest with BPD were connecting again and we were all trying to help Gma get the help she needed. It got rather ugly, my daughters were looked upon as rats and my mom and dad did not want them around either and family was warned to keep them away. My daughters were hurt, I was angry. Gma passed, my mom was drunk attending the funeral and hugging everyone acting like nothing had ever happened and all was good with the family. My daughter then tries every way to get my mother's approval after that, sent her an apology letter which she shared with me. I was rather shocked. They now speak but my mom has had nothing to do with me or my other daughter since.

Then the latest which I had posted on her before... .oldest stepson is getting married. 10 years ago daughter claimed SS had sexual abused her for 5 years. At the time this came out I questioned daughter extensively and when I thought I had a picture of what happened I asked SS. He said he would not talk about this over the phone or by email but we were too far apart to talk in person and then he went into hiding. I saw this as guilt on his part and I supported my daughter. My inlaws were up in arms, SS's bio mom accused us of lying but I held in there and supported my daughter. What I was not aware of at the time was that when I was talking to my daughter about all this, she was still in touch with SS which I would later find out from one of my other daughters. Years passed by with no mention of this but then when the wedding invitations came  (me not invited) it was like ripping a bandage off an old wound. I asked my daughter if she could reflect now and say that perhaps the situation was more mutual to begin with and it had gone wrong in the end? She told me that she had spoke to her step brother about my email and they both agreed that they would not speak on the topic any longer. Oddly though SS did open up to his father (my husband) after that and accused my daughter as his abuser.

I have felt like I have lived a nightmare dealing with my daughter. I felt she has played nothing but mind games with everyone. I have finally decided as much as I love her and want to see her do well I have to let go and not get involved anymore.

To those of you who have been down this road with your adult children, does this sound like BPD? I am starting to wonder if this is something more.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

Dear AVR1962, our daugher who is diagnosed BPD has done things similar to your daughter.  She lied about everything it seemed and caused all kinds of drama.  Like you, I was ready to give up on her and move on---I just couldn't take it anymore, nor could I stand to see all of my family worry and suffer because of her poor decisions.  We had done family therapy, she had done tons of individual therapy, we had paid lots of money for her "mistakes" and to give her fresh starts etc.  It didn't do much good to change her behavior.  What did finally start to make a difference was when I and my husband worked together to change our behavior.  I worked on the tools and lessons you will find here---how to use SET and validate and mostly set boundaries and let natural consequences happen to and for her and not bail her out finally seemed to make a difference with her.  We are lucky, she doesn't have any children so we didn't have that to contend with.  Anyway she is doing amazingly well today.  Something clicked with her and SHE decided to make changes and truly she is a different person.  Yes, I think you daughter is BPD, but like my daughter she may also have other issues too.  My daughter also has depression and bipolar issues mixed in.  I am sorry for the pain you are suffering.  Honestly, you need to take care of yourself.  I did some counseling, my husband and I very hard together to make changes in our behavior with our daughter that we could both support and live with.  It was the best thing that I ever did. I feel less guilt and anger, I am not such an enabler and I am a better communicator.  Please keep coming back.  I have found so much help and support here and it has been a major help in dealing with such a difficult disease.

[AVR1962]

Dear AVR1962, our daugher who is diagnosed BPD has done things similar to your daughter.  She lied about everything it seemed and caused all kinds of drama.  Like you, I was ready to give up on her and move on---I just couldn't take it anymore, nor could I stand to see all of my family worry and suffer because of her poor decisions.  We had done family therapy, she had done tons of individual therapy, we had paid lots of money for her "mistakes" and to give her fresh starts etc.  It didn't do much good to change her behavior.  What did finally start to make a difference was when I and my husband worked together to change our behavior.  I worked on the tools and lessons you will find here---how to use SET and validate and mostly set boundaries and let natural consequences happen to and for her and not bail her out finally seemed to make a difference with her.  We are lucky, she doesn't have any children so we didn't have that to contend with.  Anyway she is doing amazingly well today.  Something clicked with her and SHE decided to make changes and truly she is a different person.  Yes, I think you daughter is BPD, but like my daughter she may also have other issues too.  My daughter also has depression and bipolar issues mixed in.  I am sorry for the pain you are suffering.  Honestly, you need to take care of yourself.  I did some counseling, my husband and I very hard together to make changes in our behavior with our daughter that we could both support and live with.  It was the best thing that I ever did. I feel less guilt and anger, I am not such an enabler and I am a better communicator.  Please keep coming back.  I have found so much help and support here and it has been a major help in dealing with such a difficult disease.

Thank you for your response. I need to find the SET you were talking about. My husband and I talked today and we have decided no more. All of this has gone on too long and like you , we are exhausted and done with the behavior. It's taken too many years of our lives and caused so much damage.

[js friend]

Hi AVR1962,

A lot of what you have written I have also written about my own dd20 in earlier posts.

My dd was dx emerging pd when she was 15yo. dd's.Dad was never very much in picture when dd was growing up... .I have also been accused of both physical and emotional abuse, exbf has been accused of rape then charges dropped, lied to bfs about pregnancies, very promiscious, very secretive, ran away from home numerous times and broke curfews endlessly in her teens,lied from very early age:'(

I have also been physically attacked by my dd and was also the target of my dd's hatred for many years, yet i was told by others that she never had a bad word to say about me!.I guess thats the splitting for you.My mind was in a whirl how to help this child.My child. I had never met a child or even a parent describe their child so off the rails as my dd so i  spent a lot of my time trying to find answers. dd's dad used to have, mood swings, strange behavour but nothing dx and became impossible to live with, evenso i hoped that this was only a teenage thing.I even tried a parenting teen programme but my dd was so extreme nothing i learnt there worked with my dd.

I think it was only once I reached Radical Acceptance that i also reached the point of letting go at the same time. There wasnt one thing as such that led to it, just more of an evolution and understanding and acceptance within me that my dd has mental health issues and is the way she is and will be until she seeks help.It is like grieving the death of your child. There are so many stages of grief until there is finally acceptance.By letting go it has freed up many emotions and the saying what dont kill ya makes you stronger definatley applies in my case! My dd can still madden me (especially the Npd part of her that is so ungrateful)  but i get over things much more easily now.I can sleep well at night, enjoy life again and let her do her own thing.I have accepted that it is her life and the way she chooses to live it is up to her.

My main concern now is that my gc are being looked after.That will never change.  They are so young and helpless and need a watchful eye over them and my knows that i mean business when it comes to protecting them.

I really do believe that we have to allow our children to make their own mistakes and accept the consequences just like i do with my other children.They have to learn to help themselves.I have been there. Once a week i would go over to check on dd and gc and clean up because she was living in a pigsty until I noticed that she began to purposely not clean up after herself and gc because she knew that i would be coming over. Then when we get into a disagreement months later she accuses me of inviting myself over just to interfere!.

What i now know i did wrong was to expect dd to live by my standards.

It will be difficult to begin with to just watch from a distance but you have to begin to put yourself first again. All this behaviour is so intense that we miss out on our own lives and of those around us. Honestly there have been some years that have gone by that i couldnt tell you what else was happeing in my life apart from my dds extreme behaviour which seemed neverending.Our brains can only take so much!

My has made it this far and im sure she will continue. It isnt the life i would have chosen for her but it is the one she has and i realise now that only she can change it.

[madmom]

You will find SET and other things that I found very helpful on the right hand side of this website under tools.

[AVR1962]

Hi AVR1962,

A lot of what you have written I have also written about my own dd20 in earlier posts.

My dd was dx emerging pd when she was 15yo. dd's.Dad was never very much in picture when dd was growing up... .I have also been accused of both physical and emotional abuse, exbf has been accused of rape then charges dropped, lied to bfs about pregnancies, very promiscious, very secretive, ran away from home numerous times and broke curfews endlessly in her teens,lied from very early age:'(

I have also been physically attacked by my dd and was also the target of my dd's hatred for many years, yet i was told by others that she never had a bad word to say about me!.I guess thats the splitting for you.My mind was in a whirl how to help this child.My child. I had never met a child or even a parent describe their child so off the rails as my dd so i  spent a lot of my time trying to find answers. dd's dad used to have, mood swings, strange behavour but nothing dx and became impossible to live with, evenso i hoped that this was only a teenage thing.I even tried a parenting teen programme but my dd was so extreme nothing i learnt there worked with my dd.

I think it was only once I reached Radical Acceptance that i also reached the point of letting go at the same time. There wasnt one thing as such that led to it, just more of an evolution and understanding and acceptance within me that my dd has mental health issues and is the way she is and will be until she seeks help.It is like grieving the death of your child. There are so many stages of grief until there is finally acceptance.By letting go it has freed up many emotions and the saying what dont kill ya makes you stronger definatley applies in my case! My dd can still madden me (especially the Npd part of her that is so ungrateful)  but i get over things much more easily now.I can sleep well at night, enjoy life again and let her do her own thing.I have accepted that it is her life and the way she chooses to live it is up to her.

My main concern now is that my gc are being looked after.That will never change.  They are so young and helpless and need a watchful eye over them and my knows that i mean business when it comes to protecting them.

I really do believe that we have to allow our children to make their own mistakes and accept the consequences just like i do with my other children.They have to learn to help themselves.I have been there. Once a week i would go over to check on dd and gc and clean up because she was living in a pigsty until I noticed that she began to purposely not clean up after herself and gc because she knew that i would be coming over. Then when we get into a disagreement months later she accuses me of inviting myself over just to interfere!.

What i now know i did wrong was to expect dd to live by my standards.

It will be difficult to begin with to just watch from a distance but you have to begin to put yourself first again. All this behaviour is so intense that we miss out on our own lives and of those around us. Honestly there have been some years that have gone by that i couldnt tell you what else was happeing in my life apart from my dds extreme behaviour which seemed neverending.Our brains can only take so much!

My has made it this far and im sure she will continue. It isnt the life i would have chosen for her but it is the one she has and i realise now that only she can change it.

Thank you for your response. I am seeing a counselor and I hope he will help me to find those boundaries as I do need to not get involved in my daughter's life any more. Past counselors have said, "support her" but supporting her gets me too involved and then I am to blame so I need to withdraw.

[AVR1962]

Hi AVR1962,

A lot of what you have written I have also written about my own dd20 in earlier posts.

My dd was dx emerging pd when she was 15yo. dd's.Dad was never very much in picture when dd was growing up... .I have also been accused of both physical and emotional abuse, exbf has been accused of rape then charges dropped, lied to bfs about pregnancies, very promiscious, very secretive, ran away from home numerous times and broke curfews endlessly in her teens,lied from very early age:'(

I have also been physically attacked by my dd and was also the target of my dd's hatred for many years, yet i was told by others that she never had a bad word to say about me!.I guess thats the splitting for you.My mind was in a whirl how to help this child.My child. I had never met a child or even a parent describe their child so off the rails as my dd so i  spent a lot of my time trying to find answers. dd's dad used to have, mood swings, strange behavour but nothing dx and became impossible to live with, evenso i hoped that this was only a teenage thing.I even tried a parenting teen programme but my dd was so extreme nothing i learnt there worked with my dd.

I think it was only once I reached Radical Acceptance that i also reached the point of letting go at the same time. There wasnt one thing as such that led to it, just more of an evolution and understanding and acceptance within me that my dd has mental health issues and is the way she is and will be until she seeks help.It is like grieving the death of your child. There are so many stages of grief until there is finally acceptance.By letting go it has freed up many emotions and the saying what dont kill ya makes you stronger definatley applies in my case! My dd can still madden me (especially the Npd part of her that is so ungrateful)  but i get over things much more easily now.I can sleep well at night, enjoy life again and let her do her own thing.I have accepted that it is her life and the way she chooses to live it is up to her.

My main concern now is that my gc are being looked after.That will never change.  They are so young and helpless and need a watchful eye over them and my knows that i mean business when it comes to protecting them.

I really do believe that we have to allow our children to make their own mistakes and accept the consequences just like i do with my other children.They have to learn to help themselves.I have been there. Once a week i would go over to check on dd and gc and clean up because she was living in a pigsty until I noticed that she began to purposely not clean up after herself and gc because she knew that i would be coming over. Then when we get into a disagreement months later she accuses me of inviting myself over just to interfere!.

What i now know i did wrong was to expect dd to live by my standards.

It will be difficult to begin with to just watch from a distance but you have to begin to put yourself first again. All this behaviour is so intense that we miss out on our own lives and of those around us. Honestly there have been some years that have gone by that i couldnt tell you what else was happeing in my life apart from my dds extreme behaviour which seemed neverending.Our brains can only take so much!

My has made it this far and im sure she will continue. It isnt the life i would have chosen for her but it is the one she has and i realise now that only she can change it.

Thank you for your response. I am seeing a counselor and I hope he will help me to find those boundaries as I do need to not get involved in my daughter's life any more. Past counselors have said, "support her" but supporting her gets me too involved and then I am to blame so I need to withdraw.

Thanks!

[js friend]

Hi again AVR1962,

I also had a family therapist say that i should just support my dd (even though she was making bad decisions) and was accused of simply not allowing her to be a teenager which dd was thrilled to hear and just put a greater gap between dd and I at the time.

I wanted to repost this thing I have about letting go as I think it will help you and other members to find the strength to let go.It was posted on this site many years ago by a member here on the parenting board.(sorry i forget who it was... ., but whoever it was I would like to say a big thankyou! )

I have placed it in a place in my home where i can see it and read I it almost everyday and it has helped me through some tough times, not just with dd but also other areas in my life and it continues to help me and i hope it helps you and others too.

To Let go.

To let go does not mean to stop caring,

It means i cant do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,

It is the realisation that I cannot control another.

To let go is not to enable,

but allowing them to face their own consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,

it is to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for ,

but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,

but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all outcomes,

but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,

it is to allow another to face reality.

To let go is not to criticise or regulate anyone,

but to become what i dream i can be.

To let go is to fearless ,

and to love more.


I have especially found the last part "to fearless and love more" part true. I remember feeling consumed by fear for so many years about what everyday would bring when everyday seemed worse than the last. I was a total wreck but to the outside world i wore a mask, like we so often do... Now i dont have that fear anymore. I love my dd for who she. I can separate her from this disorder and Iam no longer constantly trying to fix her or make her who i want her to be.Thats what i mean about freeing up so many other emotions.Letting go does that to you. It means that you will be still there for your dd but in a supportive without the drama role and not to enable.Your dd may react in a way that she sees you pulling away from you but you are detaching with love which means you will be still around but more able to concentrate on the the more positive aspects of your life such as your gc and even yourself again.

I wish you all the best.

[AVR1962]

Hi again AVR1962,

I also had a family therapist say that i should just support my dd (even though she was making bad decisions) and was accused of simply not allowing her to be a teenager which dd was thrilled to hear and just put a greater gap between dd and I at the time.

I wanted to repost this thing I have about letting go as I think it will help you and other members to find the strength to let go.It was posted on this site many years ago by a member here on the parenting board.(sorry i forget who it was... ., but whoever it was I would like to say a big thankyou! )

I have placed it in a place in my home where i can see it and read I it almost everyday and it has helped me through some tough times, not just with dd but also other areas in my life and it continues to help me and i hope it helps you and others too.

To Let go.

To let go does not mean to stop caring,

It means i cant do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,

It is the realisation that I cannot control another.

To let go is not to enable,

but allowing them to face their own consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,

it is to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for ,

but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,

but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,

but allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all outcomes,

but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,

it is to allow another to face reality.

To let go is not to criticise or regulate anyone,

but to become what i dream i can be.

To let go is to fearless ,

and to love more.


I have especially found the last part "to fearless and love more" part true. I remember feeling consumed by fear for so many years about what everyday would bring when everyday seemed worse than the last. I was a total wreck but to the outside world i wore a mask, like we so often do... Now i dont have that fear anymore. I love my dd for who she. I can separate her from this disorder and Iam no longer constantly trying to fix her or make her who i want her to be.Thats what i mean about freeing up so many other emotions.Letting go does that to you. It means that you will be still there for your dd but in a supportive without the drama role and not to enable.Your dd may react in a way that she sees you pulling away from you but you are detaching with love which means you will be still around but more able to concentrate on the the more positive aspects of your life such as your gc and even yourself again.

I wish you all the best.

Jsfriend, thanks I really needed to see this today. My BPD daughter, her husband and her daughters took me off their FaceBook page as friends. I think I have to let her go. She has worked her poison on everyone and everyone that would listen. We have struggled pretty much since the time her dad left and I have always been to blame for whatever. I could see when I would meet a friend of hers that they would be cautious around me, her kids the same way. She has a right to her feelings and so do I. It's time for me to let her go and she can figure this out for herself.