Does anyone deal with the suicidal threats with trying to be indifferent?

[sabas]

My SO threatens suicide constantly during episodes.  And also says that if I call the police my SO will either commit suicide by cop, kill themselves as soon as they see the police, lie to them, or lie to them about me abusing them. I’ve dialed 911 many times but never had them actual come. I feel like such an enabler afterwards.

The threats get to a point where it feels like my only action is to get myself to a point where I accept I can’t control my SO, that I’ve given them love, understanding, and offered help thousands of times and thousands of different ways, and so if they speed away from the house and our child and me and kill themselves that it’s their fault and not mine. I can never actually get myself to the point of not feeling like it’s my fault, but I fee bad for wishing I could.

How has anyone else dealt with this issue? I know the healthiest and best thing to do is just call every time it happens. I just cannot get myself over the hump to just do it.

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[Football2000]

Actually calling emergency is NOT the best way to deal with suicide all the time. There is a huge difference between threatening suicide and the person actually having a plan.

One thing you need to do also is ask them if they have a plan regarding suicide. If you get to know the person pretty well, which I am sure you do, then you can start to gauge whether it is merely a threat to gain attention, or whether it is serious.

If it is serious, and they have a plan and time to do it, then you might need to do something. One of those things could actually be handing your SO the phone, and getting them to call if they want. If you think suicide is imminent then you can do things like that or not leave their side, or get someone to check in on them.

The important thing to realize is that you need to carefully evaluate the situation, not panic, and make a decision. Whatever you decide is okay, because ultimately you are not in control of your partner's behaviour. If someone is really determined they will do it. All you can do is show support, and the correct support begins by realizing that not all threats have much substance.

[sabas]

I hear what you’re saying. I do feel in my gut that emergency services isn’t the correct thing to do. But it’s something (even if I can’t do it), which feels somewhat comforting? I guess. I’m not sure. I feel like there’s a 5% chance they’ll do something if I don’t call and a 10% chance they will if I do. But it’s so hard to just sit and wait while they decide it.

My SO has a rough plan. They only talk about it during episodes though. They say they want to die when they are “normal” but the intensity is way, way, down. My SO tends to drive away and say they are going to their “place”. Sometimes they say they will drive their car off a cliff, others it’s a knife, others it’s hanging. They’ve gotten to the point of saying “bye” multiple times. At that point I agonize over what to do. Once when they were threatening I took a walk with our child, and while my SO didn’t see me, I saw them parked around the block from our house. Other times it seems real but it’s very hard for me to tell and they’ve told me over and over that calling the police is the wrong thing to do. That it will just make them want to do it more. But if I try to stay on the line or try to be around them they, at the least, verbally abuse me. And they refuse to talk to a hotline, the crisis line, or go to the ER or the mental health facility.

It leaves me calling over and over and over and getting verbally berated if they pick up, or just sitting and not doing anything while I wonder if they’ll come home or if they’re following through. At that point I feel like I want to accept that I’ve done what I could and it’s not up to me, but I feel really guilty about not calling 911 even if It doesn’t feel right. Basically it’s just torture sitting and wondering. And I’m not sure how to deal with any of it.