Why do they spy?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So I believe I've had a so-called "light bulb moment" with all of my BPDex ruminations.

In looking back at the time frame that he began behaving as if his life was hunky-dory, I had posted something relating to my own relationship on FB. Background - my BPDex and I were both in very unhappy marriages. Our deal was that we were to both obtain divorces in order to be together. I followed thru. He did not. When he left me - he went straight back to his spouse. I stayed another month in the home we were renting - and then moved back to my hometown as I could not afford the rental house on my own.

Anyway - I moved into a rundown little apartment. Found a job. Started putting my life back together. My ex-husband wanted to reconcile with me. We got into counseling. Eight months worth. I moved back into our home in the latter part of 2013.  We're doing well. Communication is so much better. Life is so much better!

I believe that my BPDex has seen some of my references to my relationship. And it's causing him to put up a front that HIS relationship is "all good".  I know from mutual friends that it's not. Nothing has changed AT ALL. So now I believe I understand a bit better - he is doing a lot of this to convince himself that his own life is going well. That his own marriage is magically working again. Saving face, so to speak. Because it probably bothers him on some level that I've found some happiness again, and he is stuck in the same hamster wheel. So he has to create a FB "illusion" that life is grand!

I could be wrong - but it certainly doesn't feel like it. He's trying to show everyone that he made the right decision in dumping me and running away (yet continue to spy on me thru FB). And convince himself in the process. I wish him all the best. Perhaps he can find happiness. The mean, petty side of me is kind of glad that I still bother him.  I'm glad I moved away. Glad I removed myself from the madness. I just didn't know it was madness at the time. Tough lesson.

[lipstick]

So I believe I've had a so-called "light bulb moment" with all of my BPDex ruminations.

In looking back at the time frame that he began behaving as if his life was hunky-dory, I had posted something relating to my own relationship on FB. Background - my BPDex and I were both in very unhappy marriages. Our deal was that we were to both obtain divorces in order to be together. I followed thru. He did not. When he left me - he went straight back to his spouse. I stayed another month in the home we were renting - and then moved back to my hometown as I could not afford the rental house on my own.

Anyway - I moved into a rundown little apartment. Found a job. Started putting my life back together. My ex-husband wanted to reconcile with me. We got into counseling. Eight months worth. I moved back into our home in the latter part of 2013.  We're doing well. Communication is so much better. Life is so much better!

I believe that my BPDex has seen some of my references to my relationship. And it's causing him to put up a front that HIS relationship is "all good".  I know from mutual friends that it's not. Nothing has changed AT ALL. So now I believe I understand a bit better - he is doing a lot of this to convince himself that his own life is going well. That his own marriage is magically working again. Saving face, so to speak. Because it probably bothers him on some level that I've found some happiness again, and he is stuck in the same hamster wheel. So he has to create a FB "illusion" that life is grand!

I could be wrong - but it certainly doesn't feel like it. He's trying to show everyone that he made the right decision in dumping me and running away (yet continue to spy on me thru FB). And convince himself in the process. I wish him all the best. Perhaps he can find happiness. The mean, petty side of me is kind of glad that I still bother him.  I'm glad I moved away. Glad I removed myself from the madness. I just didn't know it was madness at the time. Tough lesson.