Ex girlfriend threatening suicide.

[Maldoror]

We were on an off for about five years, then I ended the relationship for good about three years ago.

After the breakup, she started doing all sort of crazy things, like sending me pictures of her and one of her rebound boyfriends, making fake accounts on a social media site and sending really offensive messages to a female friend of mine, adding half of the people I knew as friends on social networks, contacting me via texts, phone calls, emails... .it was hell.  I ended up changing phone numbers, blocking her from my email, deleting the social media accounts she knew about.  My family and friends also blocked her, without me having to ask them to, since they knew the kind of person she is. 

Today I found an email delivered to an email account from which I forgot to block her.  She said that I was right (I have no clue what she's talking about), that she's lost, and thinks she'll end up commiting suicide.  She asks me to save her.

A this point I can't stand her.  I very much dislike her.  That said, she's attempted suicide before, plus someone very close to me commited suicide years ago, and there's also the fact that I'm depressive, and have considered it multiple times, and attempted it once, so I'm very sensitive on the subject.

I know it's possible that it's one of her many attempts at guilt-tripping me into allowing her back into my life -and eventually getting back together-, but... .I don't know.  I loved her deeply back in the day, and even with all the ___, there's a part of me which still cares about her and remembers that there's a beautiful person behind all the crazy.  I don't want her back in my life, and I'm definitely not gonna play the saviour role she expects me to -I couldn't even if I wanted to-, but I'd hate something to happen to her.

She's been institutionalized, and on meds.  I don't know if she's still taking them, or what.  I don't have any way to contact her family, and don't even know where she lives.  Police in this country are entirely useless, and would never move a finger based on a suicide threat from an ex girlfriend. 

I don't know what to do other than hope the best and try to stop thinking about it. 

I won't reply to her, even if my head keeps trying to make me feel guilty about what could happen because of it.  The hell we went through could've been avoided had I placed my feelings before hers in the first place.  I know that whatever she does or doesn't is on her, and is in no way my fault, but I can't help feeling really bad about it. 

I don't know what I'm expecting to accomplish here.  None of my friends have first-hand experience with BPD, so... .I guess I'm just trying to vent it out in a place where people could relate.

Have a nice day, you all.

[Suzn]

Hello Maldoror

Welcome to bpdfamily.com. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this with your exgf. This is a terrible position to be in, I've been in your shoes before and it was really hard.    I had no idea what to do and was afraid to call 911 for fear of the repercussions from my ex later.

We a excellent thread in regards to suicide threats and ideation, I recommend reading the entire thread. It's here: TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

When did she send the email? How are you holding up?

[Maldoror]

Hello, Suzn.  Did read the thread.  Thanks for the link.  Most of the replies involve talking to the person, or calling 911.  The first is something I'm not willing to do, and the later is not an option where I live.

She sent it earlier today.I'm trying to stay calm.  I feel worried, mad... .mostly annoyed by the uncertainty; did she mean it?  Is it just another manipulation attempt?  Is she alone?  Is she alive?

I'll never know.  That kind of situations played a big role on my decision to not go back three years ago, and as selfish at it might sound, I'm not willing to go through it all over again.  And yet I can't stop feeling bad for thinking like that.

[zundertowz]

This is the first time you herd from her in 3 years?  If you can't contact her family just let it go and block her... .she's someone elses problem now.

[Turkish]

Maldoror,

It's understandable that despite being no contact until she reached out, that you may be conflicted how to approach this, especially since as you said that you can relate to her feelings.   (I sent you a PM. Let me know if it was of any help.)

If her family is of no help (and it sounds like they closed ranks on you, despite her obvious mental health issues), what can you do to help while protecting yourself emotionally? What does your gut tell you?

[Maldoror]

We didn't break contact immediatly after breaking up.  We kind of kept in touch for a while.

Thanks for the help, Turkish.  I read your message, and the information was pretty helpful.

Her family were idiots.  The kind of people who think depression is just being sad, or that suicidal thoughts and attempts are nothing but calls for attention. 

I don't think there's anything I can do to help while protecting myself.  My life is a mess right now.  I couldn't take care of a goldfish as I am right now, let alone an ex partner in the middle of a breakdown.  I think that any sort of reply from my part would only make things worse.  If not immediatly, it would happen in the long run.

Zundertowz, while I might indeed just end up blocking her, you can't simply go half a decade with a person and then just think of them as "someone else's problem" as soon as you part ways. 

I hate feeling this impotence.  Not just now, but back in the day.  I saw her struggling with her condition, trying different things to get better.  I would do research on the subject and try to be supportive but... .it always seemd like a battle that was lost from the start, and that sucks.  And just as in those days, all I can do hope to the best, but now I know that even if she goes through this, it will only be a matter of time before it happens again.