Never met her best friend

[Hutsepotmetworst]

One strange thing I had with my exBPDgf is that she had 2 best female friends, and that I only once met one of them, and that was by accident.

I found that very intriguing because when a woman is so proud to have a partner (like my gf told me over and over), isn't it normal to want to show your partner to your best friends ?

Anyone else recognizes this behaviour ?

I have 2 ideas about that :

1) She behaves differently with her friends, and with me. And mixture of these 2 "masks" she couldn't handle

2) She was afraid that her best friend would take me away from her, since my exBPDgf was so low on self-esteem. She saw every other woman as a potential threat.

[jdcthunder14]

I had this too. I met one of her "best friends" but never the other one. I have that in qoutes because for more most people best friends as a title takes a long time to develop. With my ex she had this second new best friend in like a week. (child like emotion)

I really can't say why I was never introduced to this side of her. She obviously wanted to keep those two aspects of her life seperate but as to why, not sure.

[standfree]

I also never met her so called best friend. every other person that she would call a friend, she fell out with most of them & told me how bad they where & that the fallen out was there fault, my god wish i seen the warning signs then as its all my fault now...

[OTH]

Triangulation (read definition). My ex kept me away from the people she was complaining about me to. I only discovered these people existed after our breakup. . If she were to introduce us they would have discovered I'm not such a creep after all. I had a female boss for awhile. Nicest lady ever. My ex hated her. My ex picked a fight with one of my best friend's wife (actually I was present the day they met a marriage and 3 kids ago) straining my relationship with them. That has been repaired thankfully. My ex got mad at my financial support for my family (I have a sister with bipolar disorder and a lousy father).

Isolating you and making sure they have other options. Insecurity and anxiety.

[expos]

I also never met her so called best friend. every other person that she would call a friend, she fell out with most of them & told me how bad they where & that the fallen out was there fault, my god wish i seen the warning signs then as its all my fault now...

Same with my ex!  All of her bridesmaids were people she never really hung out with after we got married.  They all sort of abandoned her - some of them lived a bit far from us, but they stopped talking with her.  Same thing with you... .  I wish I would have picked up on this!

[mssomebodynice]

Mine also had a best friend I never met.  He told me he didn't share anything with this man about people he dated.  He thought very highly of this man.  He said he was wise and a great Christian.  I know his family like this man too.  They implied that they looked up to him as well.  He didn't really have any other male friends.  He said it was because they were all jealous of him?  The night he said this about other males he was in a very narcissistic frame of mind, he couldn't stop talking about himself, it was very early in our relationship, I listened for a long time while we sat at a Tim Hortons for coffee, about his various relationships.  As we were leaving, I asked him to drive mindlessly handing him the keys, as I prattled on about something.  He didn't really want to take them and said so.  I didn't really know where we were because we were in his town.  As we got in the car, he looked at me, and repeated that he said he didn't want to drive!  He was harsh when he said that.  I apologized and said I would drive.  That is when he snapped!  Totally raged on me as he drove.  I was dumb founded.  Frozen.  It is/was the only time he ever raged that I saw.  Grabbed his coat and got out of the car, slamming the door.  I was heartbroken.  I kept revisiting his words of, "you're not listening to me", " You didn't listen!" ... .  That was our first real 'date'.  Co-dependent me, felt ashamed.  Who was the sick one there?   

[mango_flower]

Isolating you and making sure they have other options. Insecurity and anxiety.

This hit the nail on the head... I introduced my ex to my whole world.  Gave her a replacement family, all my friends... .  she took me to a friend's wedding and another of her friends (older lady from work) came along to watch our sports match we both played in... .  but never actually got to know them properly.  I'm sure all of these people have now heard how awful I am... .  

OTH has it spot on.  They like to have other options we don't know about, so they have a place to run, and can tell their victimization tales to, and be believed.  If they'd got to know me, I know they'd have liked me, and she can't risk that! x

[sheepdog]

This is very true for borderlines.  They will change who/how they are from one groupe to another.  They have no true self so they become a self based on who they are with.

My pwBPD had a wife he never let anyone meet.  A couple guy friends no one ever saw.  And other coworkers we'd never met.

The mask can't slip so all worlds have to remain seperate.