In So Much Pain

[Ananta]

I'm worried about my privacy in posting here. There are some real legal risks for me. My current partner and I are recently separated and he has not been diagnosed with BPD but I'm sure he has it. He is so dishonest that he may know and just wouldn't have told me. He's betrayed me in the ways he knew would hurt me the most but his few apologies and unwillingness to take responsibility have left me heartbroken. He says he loves me and it feels more like he just wants me. The relationship I thought I had with him is the most important thing in my life. I'm struggling everyday just to keep up with responsibilities. I want to feel like I can be satisfied without a romantic partnership but I don't know how to achieve it. It's been 5 weeks since the breakup and the relationship lasted 3 years. I want to let go and I haven't been able to find a way to.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[foody]

Hello.

Im currently going through a separation after 16 yrs. Its terrible. She has all the symptoms of BPD but no diagnosis. Ive done everything shes asked me to, supported her, remained loyal even after physical abuse. And now shes dumped me and wants my home. We are talking at the moment but im sure that'll change to anger again soon.

Im tryi g not to show that i care not to let her push her emotions onto me.

Stay strong and consider your owwn health. Ive been worn down ovwr the years and am emotionally empty. Dont let him know he's upsetting you. Thats where the control comes from. I speak from ts of experience. Ive been emotionally controlled, gaslighted, lied to and now this.

Maybe looj into counselling.

[livednlearned]

Hi Ananta,

Welcome 

I wanted to join foody in saying hello. There are many thousands of people who come through here with very similar stories, the details may be different but the emotional and psychological effects are the same.

Did you end the relationship with him? Any kids involved?

What behaviors lead you to think BPD is in play here? A lot of people here have partners or exes who are sub-clinical, it's often hard to know for sure because the process requires some degree of cooperation and that can be difficult to get from someone who has limited willingness or capacity to take responsibility for their actions.

How long have you been separated? Have you been through a cycle like this before?