Aqua
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 4
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« on: November 12, 2014, 12:33:45 PM » |
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I'm very worried about my husband and our marriage. We've been together for 8 years and it's always been an emotional roller coaster. I have always considered him a difficult person and the relationship challenging, but I thought it would get better if I loved him enough. He had an emotionally and occasionally physically abusive childhood. His personality runs hot and cold and he has a quick temper. The list of triggers that annoy/hurt him is a mile long. I have tried very hard to manage him and take care of him without success. It's clear that he is desperately unhappy and has threatened to leave me on many occasions. I don't know if he has BPD traits, but when I watched the video on this site, I answered yes to a lot of the questions. He seems emotionally undeveloped, limited, extremely sensitive and easily hurt, full of pain, bitterness, and resentment. He is moody, irritable, and is emotionally abusive when he's hurt and angry. It is very difficult to have constructive discussions with him, as he usually gets angry and becomes hurtful. He denies and gets defensive if I "accuse" him of feeling any of these things. He seems he blames me for all his suffering and often contemplates leaving the relationship. He is not clingy or outwardly needy. He has always been a loner and very emotionally independent and prone to emotional withdrawal. He seems deeply ambivalent about being married and having a family; (we have a two year old son). He's very negative and easily stressed out by everyday things. He makes a big deal out of all the little things that bother him, but never seems excited or to enjoy anything. When he confesses or shows how deeply unhappy and hurt he is by all the things I've done: (not having sex with him enough, not making space for his shoes by the door, not putting my phone on silent when he's around, not taking care of a plant he gave me), I feel amazed that these things are enough to push him over the edge and consider ending the relationship. He says things to me like "It's all about you!" and that I'm inconsiderate and break promises. he seems to view conversations as verbal contracts. He sometimes acts normal and like everything's fine, and is nice to me, but I don't know if he's really unhappy all the time or not. He seems unable to answer this question. As soon as we "get into anything", he seems to lose all perspective and just feels pain, bitterness, and despair. It makes me question my own self awareness and emotional intelligence. His emotions, moods, and message can change rapidly in minutes and in one conversation. An open conversation last night, the first we've had in ages, went back and forth between constructive plans to make things better, and him saying he wants to leave me, minute by minute. He never seems sure of his feelings but they seem out of control and in danger of destroying our marriage. I just don't know what this is- marriage problems, depression, denial on my part, or BPD traits?
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