2 step children

[JZSL]

I have 2 step children (F17 yo and F21 yo). My BPD wife treats them completely different for their entire lives. The 17 does no wrong and the 21 has nothing right about her In her BPD moms eyes. And advise or reason why

[Panda39]

Hi JZSL,

Welcome to the group 

What you are describing sounds like Splitting.  One child is painted "white" and the other child is painted "black" (and sometimes the positions can switch around).  Neither position is good both can be damaging.  How do you see their mother's treatment of them affecting your SDs (StepDaughters)?

Here are some links to more information...

https://bpdfamily.com/content/was-part-your-childhood-deprived-emotional-incest
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033.0
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=94786.0

I'm glad you decided to jump in and post.  I have found this site really helpful and supportive and know you will too.

Again Welcome!
Panda39

[ForeverDad]

The Borderline black-or-white perceptions are expressed in various ways. There may be reasons one child is perceived black and the other white — is one more independent and the other more passive or compliant?

How about you?  Are there concerns about your own marital relationship, does she switch between mood extremes like love and hate with you?  While you are learning more about this disorder, such as reading on our Tools & Skills board, it would be well to delay having children of your own together.  Having children often adds to the disordered behaviors.  Sorry, having children don't fix or improve the relationship.