Hi Kaymer;
Couple of thoughts on this:
How should I respond to devaluating comments of me or others? Example would be when watching tv saying "what a arrogant skinny bitch. Stop crying you don't even have real problems"
Something important we learn here -- and it can be a long process between agreeing with the words to really embodying what it means -- is that
the only person I can control is me. I cannot control what anyone else says, does, or thinks.
At first, it can sound depressing: "So there's nothing I can do about her hurtful comments?" In a way, though, it's actually freeing. It isn't your job or responsibility to make sure she says nicer things.
What you
can control is if or how you participate or listen when she says devaluing comments.
With your example, when she says negative things about the person on TV, you can't stop her from saying that. What you can do is decide if you will stay in the same room with her when she says those things.
You get to decide your own
true boundaries (rules for
yourself, not for others). If you don't want to be exposed to that kind of negativity, you can make choices to protect yourself from hearing it.
The nice thing, too, is that if it's a real boundary, it won't require her to agree with it, cooperate, or think it's a good idea. True boundaries are 100% under your control. True boundaries also don't need to be verbally explained to the other person (you don't have to say "Because you are so negative, I am now doing the boundary of not listening to you any more". You are
allowed to just leave the room!)
All of that also applies to when she says nasty things about you. You get to choose if you will stick around in the room and hear it, or if you will protect yourself from hearing that by exiting and doing something else.
Negativity like that damages relationships. In a way, it might be better for your relationship for you to decline to listen when she tears you down.
What do you think?