Depression

[daze]

Hello ---

I've hit some hard FOO/self work in my therapy - been seeing T for six months and I think I'm depressed.  I've put on six pounds (I'm a small person), want to sleep all the time yet have no energy, feel intense fatigue, can't focus, have problems finishing things, procrastinate.  I feel down a lot but also experience good/happy/bright times - still low energy.

I can work but that's about it.  I thank God I'm self employed because otherwise it would be worse.  And my kids are older teens so they can do some stuff.  This has been coming on for a month or so and seems to be getting worse.

My uBPDh thinks I'm being petty and that I should suck it up and be the adult I am.  Sometimes he can be empathetic and validating but in this case no way.

Anyone else experience anything like this?

Daze

[Newton]

Hi daze well having experienced long term depression myself... .  it seems the symptoms you are describing would certainly fit... .  in the sense that they are similar to mine.

I found that many people close to me didn't or couldn't understand how it affected me (BPD or not unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to it, and general ignorance... .  luckily this is changing!)... .  

The good news is that there are lots of ways to treat depressive symptoms... .  

Is this something you have discussed with a medical practitioner?... .  

It's possible there is an underlying physical cause as well as environmental stressors... .  also in my experience if it isn't adressed... .  it tends to get worse rather than you just "snapping out of it"... .  

[daze]

Hi Newton,

Thanks for responding.  Yes, I have a doctor appointment this week and hopefully we will get to the bottom of it.  I didn't think I was depressed because I can be happy but it's pretty clear something is wrong.  It's the lack of focus and fatigue that are killer. 

There are so many good things in my life and to not be able to appreciate and experience it fully is disappointing.  I think after the depression - whatever is causing it - is addressed I will be in a better position for decision making.

Daze

[wanttoknowmore]

Daze,

Mild forms of depression which is mainly due to stress can be treated with therapy BUT once you have more than 5 symptoms (seems like you have)

such as sadness, low energy, poor sleep, low appetite, weight loss ,low concentration and so on... .  you should consider a simple depression medicine such as prozac, celexa... . discuss with your doctor about possible use of depression medicine. They can cut short the duration of depression and may make you feel better in a few weeks.

[daze]

Wanttoknowmore -

Thanks for responding.  Yes, I do have more than five symptoms.  Mine are a little different than you listed, but you are correct:

- Low mood but it can lift when good things happen and then it goes back but not like a radical mood swing.

- Loss of interest in things I enjoy, but I looked forward to my son's senior prom last night.  Wonderful to see him happy and dressed up.

- Weight gain (6 pounds, as an average height woman with a small frame I can feel it in my clothing) as opposed to weight loss.

- Sleeping too much, as opposed to too little.

- Strong fatigue.

- Difficulty with focus.

- Problems finishing things - housework, work projects, etc.

That's seven symptoms.  It is hard to take good care of yourself when feeling this way, but I'm concentrating on eating good food in the right amount, parenting, and work.  No motivation for the gym or much social activity.

Socially I don't feel like doing much but I got my son ready for prom, hosted an after-party, and talked with two good friends today who I love and who love me.  Last week I went to a work conference and had a wonderful time talking with clients and learning.

So it's not all bleak or anything.  The lack of energy and focus are by far the worse things to deal with. 

I plan to keep posting about my experience because it will help me and maybe others.

Daze

[Newton]

daze I'm really glad you have a visit to your doctor planned... .  the ironic and awful thing about depression is that it is self fulfilling... .  ie/ it robs us of the energy to do the very things that reduce the symptoms... .  it's a vicious circle!

I found that no matter how hard I tried... .  the thought of exercise was just "too much" at first (after years of being a dedicated gym bunny)... .  so I started off small... .  a walk in the park... .  a phonecall to a friend I hadn't spoken to in a while... .  making myself a nice healthy meal rather than snacking on crappy carbs... .  etc

The most important step I made was medication... .  I resisted it for years but I had a great doctor who explained that my serotonin levels were just shot to pieces and the exercise and diet were only going to do so much... .  the SSRI I take has very much turned things around... .  of course I still have up and down days but I recognise the onset of my symptoms now and can nip them in the bud... .  

Now meds are not for everyone... .  it's a very personal choice and I appreciate it can be a frightening prospect... .  but we take pills for all sorts of chemical imbalances in other parts of our bodies... .  imbalances that affect the way we function, think and feel... .  so I personally don't get the stigma about taking a pill for your brain if thats needed!

I hope your appointment goes well... .  please get back to us and let us know how you are doing 

[daze]

Thank you so much, Newton.  I will give an update after the appointment.

[WalrusGumboot]

daze,

Yes, I was there, just as bad as you. About 2 1/2 years ago is when it started and it lasted for quite a long time. Like you, I was self-employed and luckily I had a very good track record with my clients because they cut me a lot of slack when my work was obviously sub-par.

There are good moments during the depression, but the obvious trend was down. My wake up call was a horrible doctor report. I was shocked at just how poorly I was taking care of myself, even though I thought I was doing ok. It startled me so bad that I made some life-changing decisions on the spot. My now exBPDw responded by telling our son I was working out and doing all those things to attract another woman. I imagine I am not alone in this, so I suspect that your uBPDh might respond similarly. I didn't care because it was my own long term survival at stake. I did it without any SSRIs, even though my Dr. was pushing them.

I hope you make good, positive choices!

[wanttoknowmore]

Daze,

Yes. Based on your list of symptoms, it does seem you might have clinical depression.

I read that sleeping too much and feeling heaviness in arms and legs(extreme tiredness) are

related to what doctors call "Atypical Depression" and prozac is specially considered very effective

(as per my reading  of authentic  resources)  You should give list  symptoms to your doctor and ask if you have Atypical Depression. Good Luck.

[daze]

WalrusGumboot,

Thanks for sharing your experience!  You pulled yourself out of it with exercise and diet?  Any type of supplementation?  Anything else?  I wonder what type of depression you had.  I think Wanttoknowmore might be right about atypical depression in my case which is less responsive to SSRIs.

I scoured the Internet and decided to try chromium and SAMe.  Seems to be helping a little in the energy and carb craving departments.  Looking forward to the doctor appointment on Thursday.  I had a free health screening a couple of weeks ago when I was doing a project in a small town.  Blood pressure, glucose, cholesterol, bone density, and a couple of other things.  My numbers were acceptable so thankfully it isn't too far gone.

Mornings are my best time of day.  Crazy.

Daze

[daze]

Wanttoknowmore,

I agree with you that it sounds like atypical depression and I have a list ready for the doctor.  Going to ask about thyroid and hormones as well.

Thanks for looking into it more!

Daze

[Newton]

Hi again daze ... .  St Johns Wort is often suggested as a herbal alternative for depressive symptoms... .  that might be worth a look... .  

[daze]

Newton,

I read about St. Johns Wort but it takes as long to kick in as prescription antidepressants and I am needing some immediate relief. Chromium and SAMe were reported to have more immediate affects.  Seems they do in a subtle way or it's placebo.

I have been talking with close friends and family members about my symptoms and some think I might have some issues with attention - like light ADHD inattentive type.  My friend from junior high who is a psychologist thinks I probably developed coping skills to deal with it and now that I'm dealing with some hard FOO/self issues in therapy, uBPDh, kid stress, and possibly some hormonal issues that my attention coping skills are not working as well and it's making me depressed and anxious.

It's strange but the "sadness" part of the depression seems situational and do-able.  It's the problems with focus and motivation, lack of energy that are so hard.  My uBPDh and I are separated and never combined resources other than health insurance and I am the sole financial support for my family.  My work requires strong focus on sometimes dry subjects, organization, communication, and follow through.  So in my mind the symptoms are threatening to my livelihood. 

Thank you all for posting, I appreciate it!

Daze