One of the things I think we all do, is look back at events during our relationship, and try to 'process' them, make sense (or not) of them. Understand why things happened or didn't. That hopefully then allows us to then let those things go, and start focusing on us instead, and our future. This board is excellent for all those things. Thank you xx
I just wanted to share a scary realization I came across today. I had no idea my ex had BPD. I didn't even know there was such a disorder (how naive is that!)
Looking back now, I see that in the very first few months, she actually hinted to me. She said:
'
I know I’m overly emotional (sadly it’s not just right now/passing phase). I overthink, overanalyze and worry/stress/get overly anxious etc. it’s a large part of why I sleep so badly. It’s probably about time I did something about it (if it’s not too late!). I don’t have many answers of where I’m at because for the most part I don’t know.' I just thought she sounded a bit lost in life. White knight to the rescue... .#FAIL
I was trying to impose a 4 month 'get to know you' time period to get past:
a) the blinding lure of sex
b) check for red flags;
c) get to know this person much better;
d) keep things lite and simple, and not get too involved or serious;
e) do a values alignment check;
g) give me time to make sure i know who I am
There were lots of s I ignored and my own intuition was screaming at me 'hey! look! something not right!. There were multiple (obvious) hints of BPD along the way. I just had no clue.
I have to say, my own co-dependency/neediness issues together with her amazing mirror crafting (and boy, was she incredibly skilled at that) failed me. So, working on the me issues and definitely putting some 'safe' space in front of any future relationship to think about those things I've listed above. I'm certain though g) will be pretty much in place before I even think about another relationship. Pleased to also say I am much more aware now of what represents a red flag, and will take much greater notice of my intuition. In future, if I'm not sure, I will definitely be slowing things down and putting more space to consider those things I've listed. If intiuition or red flag hits a certain level, there won't be space, there will be exit stage right
