Selectively Edited Childhood Memories

[allbutone]

My adult daughter claims she was reared in an abusive home based on memories that none of the rest of the family (and those close to us) recall or at least not in the way she has framed them. 

Based on this construct of her experiences, she has been diagnosed with CPTSD.  She has publicly posted about her alleged abuse.  She has attempted to sabotage both our reputations and one of her sibling's.   

We believe, based on extensive reading and family history (including that sibling who has successfully sought treatment for BPD) that BPD is more likely.  Yet, she continues to insist she has PTSD (because the doctors said so) and has so far been able to convince therapists that the abuse is/was real.  She now says it has affected her physical well-being as well as her mental state. 

Thus, she is currently in desperate straits, without a job, treatment, medications, a car (where one is needed) and with few friends.  She is reaching out to my mother (in her 90's) for emotional/financial support which my mother is ill-equipped to provide. 

So here are two of many questions:  are there treatments for CPTSD that she would accept which would also help her with BPD?

Is it possible to set boundaries as parents while also assisting my parent who feels incapable of saying no to her granddaughter? 

 

 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Allbutone

While I can't give you any information about treatments for CPTSD, I will say that I think setting boundaries is always possible.  Your mother is in her 90's and she sure doesn't need this happening in her life.  She is very vulnerable.  Definitely boundaries needed there.

As far as your daughter claiming she was raised in an abusive home, I'm sure a lot of us here have had that thrown at us... .me, another Mom, one of them.  It is so good that you have that validation from your family that what she is accusing you of was not seen in any of their eyes.

There is only so much that one can do to help another.  You have to stay confident in knowing you are doing the best you can to help her... .but there are limits.

Hope you stick with us, Allbutone, as you work through this with your daughter.  Sadly there are no quick answers but it does help to have a sounding board and feel the support that will be offered here.

Huat

[livednlearned]

So here are two of many questions:  are there treatments for CPTSD that she would accept which would also help her with BPD?

Is she receptive to suggestions for treatment from you?

Is it possible to set boundaries as parents while also assisting my parent who feels incapable of saying no to her granddaughter? 

In what ways is your daughter asking your mother for help? Are you concerned about her providing for her financially?

[allbutone]

She is not generally receptive to any suggestions from me but has demanded that I pay for treatment since "this" is our fault.  I would be willing to help cover the costs if the treatment for whatever disorder would help reduce anger, stress and include coping strategies for daily living.  So far I cannot see that years of therapy for CPTSD have made a difference. 

She is complaining to my mother about her mistreatment/abuse and she asks her for money to meet routine living expenses because she has no job.  This is extremely stressful for a person who has had no prior experience with mental illness; yet, my mother does not know what else to do.  So yes, I do have concerns about her vulnerability and her own financial stability.  We all seem to be trapped in a never-ending crisis situation.