What am I dealing with?

[newbie1109]

To the experts out there. I am trying to figure out what I am dealing with here. I met a girl about two years ago and have been seeing her since then. During the first weeks of relationship, there was always talks about texting other men although it seemed she wanted to seem. Since it is early on it was ok. After 2 months of being with me, one day out of the blue, she picked a fight with me about something I had nothing to do with. I was blocked all communication next day. A week later, we reconnected and she confessed she went on a date with another man and kissed him too. I ignored it and continued. Then three weeks later she texted me and broke up with me. Then five days later, she texts me as if nothing had happened and that we would meet again. A week later conversation with the same man she went on a date with earlier whom she had claimed to had blocked. Then a week later an ex was back in the picture almost a year late and texting back and forth went on for two months. One interaction on the text she said was of sex content and she said he wanted to sleep with her along with his then gf. One day I had had enough and asked what is going on. She said she stopped texting him.

A week later she mentioned about another guy she was with before meeting me. Exactly a week after that, she said that guy texted her. Very week she tells me about a guy for the first time, texted her after 8 months. What a coincidence!. It was then quiet for a bit over the holidays. We don't live together so I have no idea what could have been doing on. I should state the intensity of the intimacy, claiming to be in love with me quite intense when we are together. It was hard for me to see it otherwise or as she was faking it. It had been about 7 months by this point. There is the out of the blue accusations of I am with another girl or if I like some sexual fantasy such as threesome, sex clubs, etc, or if I accessed her phone or data on her laptop. It was so random that I wondered if there are two people inside this person. I should also mention very explicit description of sex with one specific ex to the point as if I had a front row seat to them having sex. She had broken up with this man 6 months before I met her. Between that man and me she had been with at least 6 other men all ranging from 1 to 3 dates.

Then came the first trip together after 9 months. It was great. However there is always that suspicion what she may be doing. I overrode my intuition. On the second trip, she was texting another guy who she had dated a year ago, likely someone she saw briefly. I had a big fight right after that as I could not take it anymore. She apologized and said she would not do it. She would say the usual things such as how amazing I am, how important I am, how special I am, how much she loves me and cares for me. Then at the one year mark, I took her on a trip. One late evening, she started talking about her ex and tears in her eyes resting her head on my shoulder talking about how his dumped her for another girl. This is the guy she was chatting with for two months earlier in the relationship.

A month later she started talking about another guy whom she had briefly mentioned before. He is engaged to another woman by this point. She shared a text message with me sending him telling him she is available, which obviously led to another big fight. She said she was heart broken and would not do it again. What is interesting to note here is that man was available for a year while she was with me and she talked him down by saying he is not good enough for her. The moment another woman was in his life, she went after him. One day out of the blue, she mentioned having had relationships lasting about 5 years with two other women years ago. What a bomb it was for me hearing it!. She said her male partner then told her she could try that to deal with her emotions. I kept thinking all day and night if someone told me (I am straight) to see a same sex partner, if I could just do it. Again it had been so long ago and I moved past it. Then there are other random men here and there some cousins. In her view, they all like her and want her. I thought this was just simple attention seeking. Part that was baffling to me was there is probably some or lot of hiding of her behavior, while sharing a good chunk of it to me as well not even realizing I am in her life in the capacity of a bf.

Then closer to two years of seeing her, she told me she loved one late evening. Then an hour later the guy who had gotten engaged mentioned earlier had commented on her photo on instagram, who she had been waiting to hear from on her posts regularly. She started bouncing off the walls how she had missed an opportunity with him and he and her would make a good couple they are so alike. It was a quite a show to watch happening right before my eyes all the while I am her bf. Could I possibly take this anymore!?. I went home heartbroken and just went cold. Her love for me could not last an hour. Three days a almost no communication. I had at this point told her about DBT program without mentioning any personality disorders as that's a good way to create self awareness and walk on self. She promised to go to therapy. A month later she met a childhood friend and that friend told her about BPD. She asked me the same if I thought she had it. I slowly let her in what my suspicion is, which she is partially denial about. She has done DBT therapy and is looking into CBT. There is some improvement as far as awareness of her behavior goes. A trip from a few months ago, there was a girl at the hotel. She was almost ready to sleep with her, which led to a big fight. That day I realized she is actually a bi and it was not a thing she tried at the time. It is not the sexual orientation part. It is about honestly and willingness to cheat in front of me. When asked about that, she said she thought I wanted it and she wanted to make me happy. Just as this instance there is blame shifting always and projection. Very act of hers are due to someone else or me.

What am I dealing with here? Does this person have BPD and/or something else as well? Is there any hope? It seems she changes the person she is working on and looking into in some capacity. She has to have some kind of obsession about some guy or girl.

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[newbie1109]

To the experts out there. I am trying to figure out what I am dealing with here. I met a girl about two years ago and have been seeing her since then. During the first weeks of relationship, there was always talks about texting other men. Since it was quite earl, I thought it was ok. After 2 months of being with me, she picked a fight with me one day out of the blue about something I had nothing to do with. I was blocked all communications next day. A week later, we reconnected and she confessed she went on a date with another man and kissed him too. I ignored it and continued. Then three weeks later, she texted me and broke up with me. Then five days later, she texted me as if nothing had happened and that wondering when we would meet again. A week later, a conversation with the same man she went on a date with earlier whom she had claimed to had blocked. Then a week later, an ex was back in the picture almost a year after that relationship ended leading to texting back and forth that went on for two months. One interaction on the text she said was of sex content and she said he wanted to sleep with her along with his then gf. One day I had had enough and asked what was going on. She said she would stop texting him.

Then a week later she mentioned about another guy she was with before meeting me. Exactly a week after that, she said that guy texted her. Very week she tells me about a guy for the first time texted her after 8 months she had stopped seeing him. What a coincidence! It was then quiet for a bit over the holidays. We don't live together so I have no idea what could have been doing on. I should state the intensity of the intimacy, claiming to be in love with me when we are together. Due to the intensity of the intimacy, it was hard for me to see it otherwise or as she was faking it. It had been about 7 months by this point. There is the out of the blue accusations of I am with another girl or if I like some sexual fantasy such as threesome, sex clubs, etc, or if I accessed her phone or data on her laptop. It was so random that I wondered if there are two people inside this person. I should also mention very explicit description of sex with one specific ex to the point as if I had a front row seat to them having sex. She had broken up with this man 6 months before I met her. Between that man and me she had been with at least 6 other men all ranging from 1 to 3 dates.

Then came the first trip together after 9 months. It was great. However there is always that suspicion what she may be doing something behind my back. I overrode my intuition. On the second trip, she was texting another guy who she had dated a year ago, likely someone she saw briefly. I had a big fight right after that as I could not take it anymore. She apologized and said she would not do it. She would say the usual things such as how amazing I am, how important I am, how special I am, how much she loves me and cares for me. Then at the one year mark, I took her on a trip. One late evening, she started talking about her ex and tears in her eyes resting her head on my shoulder talking about how he dumped her for another girl. This is the guy she was chatting with for two months earlier in the relationship.

A month later she started talking about another guy whom she had briefly mentioned before. He is engaged to another woman by this point. She shared a text message with me sending him telling him she was available, which obviously led to another big fight. She said she was heart broken and would not do it again. What is interesting to note here is that man was available for a year while she was with me and she talked him down by saying he was not good enough for her. The moment another woman was in his life, she went after him. One day out of the blue, she mentioned having had relationships lasting about 5 years with two other women years ago. What a bomb it was for me hearing it!. She said her male partner then told her she could try that to deal with her emotions. I kept thinking all day and night if someone told me (I am straight) to see a same sex partner, if I could just do it unless it was my sexual orientation. Again it had been so long ago and I moved past it. Then there are other random men here and there some cousins. In her view, they all like her and want her. I thought this was just simple attention seeking behaviour. Part that was baffling to me was there was probably some or lot of hiding of her behavior, while sharing a good chunk of it with me as well not even realizing I am in her life in the capacity of a bf.

Then closer to two years of seeing her, we had a great time one day and she professed her love by stating the three words. Then an hour later the guy who had gotten engaged mentioned earlier had commented on her photo on Instagram, who she had been waiting to hear from on her posts regularly. She started bouncing off the walls how she had missed an opportunity to be with him and now another woman is with her and they both would make a good couple and they are so alike. It was a quite a show to watch happening right before my eyes all the while I am her bf. Could I possibly take this anymore!?. I went home heartbroken and just went cold. Her love for me could not last an hour. Three days a almost no communication. I had at this point told her about DBT program without mentioning any personality disorders as that's a good way to create self awareness and walk on self. She promised to go to therapy. A month later she met a childhood friend and that friend told her about BPD. She asked me the same if I thought she had it. I slowly let her in what my suspicion was, which she was partially denial about. She has done DBT therapy and is looking into CBT. There is some improvement as far as awareness of her behavior goes. A trip from a few months ago, there was a girl at the hotel. She was almost ready to sleep with her, which led to a big fight. That day I realized she is actually a bi and it was not a thing she tried at the time. It is not the sexual orientation part. It is about honestly and willingness to cheat in front of me. When asked about that, she said she thought I wanted it and she wanted to make me happy. Just as this instance there is blame shifting always and projection. Very act of hers are due to someone else or me. There was also the occasional mention of referring to another person as lesbian or gay when not warranted as if to imply she is straight.

Sorry about the long post. I wanted to capture as much and accurately as I can. For all that this person is masters educated, beautiful and occasional flashes of intelligence leading to great conversations. However right in the midst of it, there will be a remark of something ever so slightly that is so off from the topic.
What am I dealing with here? Does this person have BPD and/or something else as well? Is there any hope? It seems she changes the person she is working on and looking into in some capacity. She has to have some kind of obsession about some guy or girl.