pwBPD threats...

[wanttoknowmore]

How often (after painting Non black) pwBPDs carry out actions to implement the threats they issue while in rage?  I read that they mostly make hollow threats but do not  carry out action.  I was threatened by her that she might get a restraining order against me . That was a week ago but I have not received any thing about it. 

Have any one else had experience of pwBPD carrying out threats which she made during  fierce rage?

[motherof1yearold]

They will make lots of threats in an attempt to control and intimidate you. Mine made several threats during and after the relationship. In my case, he always threatened to take away our infant daughter, and that turned out to be true. 

[mango_flower]

Mine threatens all the time to never talk to me again, or to disappear from my life completely.

She's not yet made that come true

*sigh*

[fakename]

hahahahaha mango_flower... .  

i've gotten those threats many times too... .   i too wish she would abide!


i was threatened with a restraining order, another that she would tell my mom how i treat her (this is when i would first respond to her cheating and lying by yelling and calling her things like slut and btch), threatened that she would end her life... . etc... .  

i think they were really just cries for help, or attempts at manipulation... .   deep down she knew if that one time she threatened with the restraining order, that if things didnt work out with the guy she was trying to be with at the time, then she wouldnt have me as a fall back plan... . but i have no doubt if that guy told her to get the restraining order, she would have to appease to him.

(in an attempt to save face, i want to explain the restraining order situation cause i'm not too proud of it)... .   she broke up with me pretty harshly and was already going to start dating someone else. i was desperate, so i showed up to her place and waiting outside until she agreed to talk... .   she told me she already slept with him and i was pretty mad - threw a couple fists at her mattress, she then added some fuel and said the sex was great and was laughing about it and as i was leaving i said i was gonna kill the guy (an empty threat on my part, i didnt even know where he lives and am not naturally a violent guy)... .   as i was leaving, she started getting violent with me and i pushed her away, she fell... .   and that was that.

i spent the next morning driving in my car for like 2-3 hours in the opposite direction of her house chain-smoking cigarettes... .   i now realize that i might have been going through PTSD (first of a couple times after our breakups)... .  

i'm glad i'm in a much better place than those old days. this was maybe 3 years ago. most of the progress i've made was when she wasnt in my life and when i gave up alcohol.

hahah, i completely went off on a tangent and ruined your thread wanttoknowmore... .   sorry about that

[wanttoknowmore]

Fakename,

It was helpful to read your story. She threatened R.O. on text after I raised possibility of her having BPD by text only. No face to face contact in over a month. These were sudden ,angry texts I received ... . 5 texts in 2 minutes.

pwBPD are mysterious ... . if you contact them.they accuse you of stalking them

If you dont contact them ,they accuse you of abandoning them and not caring. Isn't that called "no win situation"

[PM10]

Wanttoknowmore, that is so true!  It is a no win situation.  I would try to go NC, and block him in every way I could, but he would make up new email addresses and bombard me and threaten a physical confrontation if I didn't answer him.  Then I would answer him, and he would say that he was just about to get over me, why was I bothering him?

He could not stop contacting me, and he had one big threat that he would always use that he always knew would get me.  I would be in a huge panic about it, but everntually he would calm down, and say he would never do it.  But he was like a terrorist.  I lived my life in fear. 

This would escalate, then he would say he would stop, then it would happen again.  Finally, his threats came on even stronger.  He was saying that he HAD to follow through, that it was the only way he would be able to leave me alone (if he followed through).  He said that if he did this, it would be the only way he could be sure that I would never want him back.

So, I went to the police.  I did not want a restraining order for several reasons, but I wanted to send him an email cc'ing the police officer telling him not to contact me again.  But while I was talking to him, my ex called, and the officer asked if I wanted him to answer.  I said yes, and the officer told him that if he ever contacted me again, that would be that.

So, for me, that was the only way to stop the threats.  I haven't heard from him.  It's been over 2 weeks.  My guard is not down though.  I still live in fear.  The officer said that my ex would not be happy that he did not control the end of the relationship.  He expected that he would stew for a while, and then he could be back.  Unfortunately, I agree.  I am hoping that he is wrong though!

[Mightyhammers]

Ive been told that she never wants to speak to me again around 3-4 times now

[Cloudy Days]

I think it really depends on how threatended they feel. My husband has made a lot of very serious threats towards me. He's made good on one of them and only one of them, making a bon fire of all my prized posessions. He doesn't remember doing it though. I have read about disassociation, where they are sort of out of themselves and have no concious control over their actions. I believe this is what happend when he did what he did. If he has no concious control then all bets are off.

So basically if they feel threatend enough and get in the phycotic state of mind. They will make good on their threats.

[Louise7777]

If somebody set my things on fire Id go to the police or ask a lawyer for advice (or both). Id sue or take a restraining order. I really dont have patience for that... .   You guys are soo nice! 

[Cloudy Days]

He was already in Jail so I didn't see any need to call the cops on him again. I agree about being too nice though. It's a trait I used to be proud of, now it just seems like I have a target on my forehead that says you can walk on me cause I'm nice. I think my fears hold me back more than anything. Also the inablity to cause other people emotional pain, it really bothers me when I hurt someone else. Even someone who treats me like garbage most of the time. Is there a disorder for being too empathetic?

[Louise7777]

Hey CloudyDays!

I empathize with you: I was like that too. At some point, like you said, I felt I had a target on my forehead. As a result, I got sick and tired of what I saw as abuse. So I set boundaries (still working on that). To be honest, I was at the end of my rope... .  

I didnt mean anything bad by saying you guys are so nice. Its a good thing, actually. But in real life, dealing with "not so nice types", makes us pay a high price.

I dont mean you have to go against your principles with them, but I firmly believe you have to protect yourself. And dont worry abt their emotional pain (you are not causing it): whatever happens is a CONSEQUENCE of THEIR actions. After all, people are given choices, right? But they have to deal with the consequences too.

[Cloudy Days]

I didn't take it as you being rude. It's a reality that I am trying to deal with, that I need to deal with to protect myself. I know I will never let another man treat me this way, even if I have to avoid them for the rest of my life. I used to have a similar problem with my childhood friends. They weren't Borderlines but they never really gave me the respect that I deserved. The more I grow, the more I am realizing I have to demand that respect because most people aren't wired to be "nice" like me. I guess it's just something I had to learn the hard way.

[Louise7777]

Yes, Cloudy, I agree and identify myself in your words. I believe we can see it clearly when we deal with BPDs (cause they are extreme cases), but we are people-pleasers with many others too.

Yes, I had the same problem with friends. Because I didnt set boundaries, with some of them I felt I was being used. And thats not really a friendship anyway, its one person taking advantage of another.

I dont want to sound like we are victims, but we wanted to help, we cared... .   But they never reciprocated. I once read "there are no victims, just volunteers". Although I dont think this is true in 100% of the cases, sometimes it really is. We need to stand for ourselves and not expect people will be nice just because we are nice to them.

Yes, I believe theres something called "co-dependency" that applies to us.