I wish I could say I didn't text - but when she sends those I do respond that I do still love and care for her and that I would still be willing to try but I need to keep my boundaries and conditions.
she has routinely told you she doesn't want the marriage - her texts are that she misses you, which is a normal feeling since you were married 19 years, she simply does not have good impulse control.
1. Marriage counciling and 2. she has to cut her "texting friend" out of her life 100%.
1. Marriage counseling and BPD is not very effective, so this boundary - what is your purpose? She is already in therapy - are you though?
2. She doesn't want the marriage as it is, she is not going to cut out texting friend as she is moving on. I know this is hard to hear.
Why do you keep replaying your boundaries anytime she simply apologizes and misses you? It doesn't change any of the facts, does it?
After 19 years and most of it good
good for you, hasn't she already told you her view of the marriage is different?
Like I said - I wish I woulnd't respond to her texts but unlike her I remeber the 95% good and can forget about the 5% bad - where she remembers the 100% bad (and not that bad) and can't remember the good. Most of the time when she texts this stuff is after she sees me or is feeling lonly or sees something that reminds me of her. But she wrote off the marriage without trying to take even a tiny step to work on us.
What are you doing besides posting a version of this leaving message each time she contacts you to make a change in you?
Cal - for things to change, YOU have to change.
NO, she doesn't have a 6th sense - she simply needs a fix and you give it to her every single time. When you change, so will she.
