Questions about parenting plan

[Ulysses]

So as I read through my parenting plan, I notice that exH violated another provision, and I didn't stay on top enough to notice it.

He's supposed to return the children to my 6pm Sun after e.g. spring break or midwinter break and he didn't.  They stayed with him until Monday and went to school.  Any suggestions on how I bring this up in mediation?  Do I ask that he abide by that provision in the future?  Do I ask for an overnight in return this year?  My state counts overnights when looking at custody - so, for instance, the days I watch the children when they're sick or not in school don't "count" toward custody time because they don't stay overnight.

Also, D does a church activity Weds.  She has done so since K, and it's written in our parenting plan that she can continue that activity until both parents agree to discontinue.  His residential time starts Wed 9am.  I have provided transportation to the activity.  I have asked him if he can, he says no because of his work schedule.  He is supposed to pay 60% of activity fees, this activity is free.  I can't take her anymore because of my school and work schedule, and my mother was taking her but can't due to age, so it's been a year now of my paying a nanny to take her and my son, then their dad picks them up at 6.  The nanny is the same cost of the aftercare at the kids' school.  He won't pay the 60% of the nanny.  The truth is I'll keep paying because I believe this activity is very good for my daughter, and she enjoys it.  What if I ask in the mediation for the parenting plan to be changed so that his residential time starts at 6pm on Wed, since I'm paying for their care until that time.  Is that too weird?  Vindictive?  Unreasonable?  I feel like not bringing it up at all because I know he'll say no and I'll keep paying anyway, so what's the point.

[GaGrl]

My suggestion would be to list the issues you are having with the PP and then figure out how to present them under several headers. In other words, don't atempt a long list of issues, one after another. Have a header for PP Issue #1 - Activities and list the concerns, then another for Vacations and perhaps another for Weekly Schedules/Exchanges.

You will then be able to decide your ideal resolution to each issue, as well as where you might be willing to negotiate an alternative, without trying to hammer out 17 separate items. Don't let your ex try to do this... .it's a ploy to wear you down.

[ForeverDad]

Bill Eddy is social worker, lawyer, mediator, lecturer to court professionals, author, etc and in his books and articles (HighConflictInstitute.com) he always advises being the Problem Solver.  Identify the issues and propose solutions.  Courts and hopefully mediators will note that you're trying to be the problem solver and not the problem.  Doesn't mean that you will get that much credit (see below) anytime soon but over time you should gain credibility.



The person behaving poorly seldom gets consequences and the person behaving well seldom gets credit.