Did Your BPD Ex Turn their Replacement Against You?

[OutofTheWoods]

Hi all!

It's been a little while since I've posted - I've been doing better! I have a relationship with a wonderful man who is mature and really cares for me.  

However, I have a question based on some recent events... .I have been broken up with my BPD ex for about 4 years. He quickly married someone he was working with - who I met briefly once or twice. This replacement has become more and more interested in slandering me and vilifying me to her group of friends, I have been hearing (I have a friend who is acquaintances with the replacement and her friends in town).

Apparently she has been accusing me of being a crazy creeper who has a negative fixation on their relationship. I do not know why she would say that, because we literally never see each other and she apparently blocked me from her social media a long time ago. She also blocked my boyfriend, who she has never met. I only know this because my friend has relayed the info.

My questions are: why is this girl so interested in who I am and what I am doing? Why does she have such a reason to hate me? It's been 4 years - why is she focusing on me at all? Is she worried about me? Is she insecure and comparing herself? I just don't understand why I would be a point of focus for her at all unless my ex is saying something to her. I feel like if they were really doing good - they wouldn't care about me at all - is this some kind of weird triangulation?

Any insight would be helpful - I am not engaging with them and I am moving on with my new relationship. It is just really strange how she seems to be keeping me involved in their relationship in this way... .

[Portent]

My soon to be expwBPDw has told her BF that I abuse her and shown him the bruises to prove it. Our 22 month old is the size of a 4 year old, very very physical, and she bruises easily. She seems to have been engaging with him more physically since her BF found out that she was wishy washy on their relationship and at one point wanted to have sex with me. All of this came from me through a talk I had with her exhusband who told her BF's wife. Its all messed up. I wouldn't put it past her to be intentionally getting bruised by playing physically with our son so she can tell her BF that I hit her. She has to get him to believe that I'm a liar.

The point is that a BPD will slander you to their new partner in order to keep you at a distance from them. My wife did the same thing with me to her ex-husband. As things have gone on with our divorce I've gotten to know her ex better and he isn't nearly what she painted him as. But at the same time he knew a lot of things about her that she never wanted me to learn. And I knew things about her that she never wanted him to learn. BPDs are scared to death that their past lives will intersect their new lives. So they do their best to keep them separate and slander is a great tool.

[OutofTheWoods]

That makes sense - she and I have a lot of similarities actually and similar interests, so it makes sense that he would be poisoning her mind about me so that she doesn't learn the truth about what happened... .about him.

[Pretty Woman]

Probably. I thought all my ex's exes were horrible until I was on the short end of the stick myself. Some of these people she trashed I met later in our relationship unbeknownst to me, she was preening them to be MY replacement!They were actually lovely people who thought I was a psychopath because of what she was telling them.

One ex came to visit and she told me she was her best friend. She told me all these great stories about their friendship (they were engaged once) and I honestly thought this woman was coming to visit and hang with us.

When she arrived she was very quiet and not overly friendly, which my ex told me is the reason why "they didn't work". What I didn't know is my ex had NOT been chummy with this ex all these years. In fact, she hadn't seen her in six years and what I thought was a friendly visit was actually her ex coming to assess how she was going to rescue our mutual ex from the abusive situation she was in... .WITH ME!

She lied to us both. Eventually she left me for this woman who lives states away. She actually showed up on the porch of this woman and broke up her marriage. A week later she came back, calling me over 100 times on her drive back saying she made a huge mistake.

This is what people need to be worried about. Many DO resurface, years later, when they have exhausted all options and have a hard time securing a replacement. This seems to happen more frequently as they age and their physical attraction wanes. They will use you, abuse you and if you are not over them completely you may think time has healed things and they've changed. Think again. This woman lost a partner of eight years over this woman toying with her for months, telling her she was the love of her life and things will be different this time... .while sleeping with me. It took my ex seven months to secure her and then she left her within a week. Poof. She preyed on the fact this woman was having marital issues, they also have some uncanny sixth sense where they seem to surface at just the right time. She actually told me she was watching her ex brush her hair one morning and she remembered what she couldn't stand about her?

They leave a mess in their wake. Never worry about what the replacement thinks because these people don't just miraculously turn into sweet, innocent angels. They will face the same fate, maybe not tomorrow, but someday and hopefully you will not be there waiting in line for another beating when they come a-calling.

 

[talks to angels]

I agree with keeping their past from their current. But also when you think about it, how insecure would you be if your bf kept telling you how his ex was crazy and just couldnt move on and was still bugging him? I think its a way of creating drama too with the current gf, a triangulation of sorts. and also making himself feel like he is so great no one can every get over being with the great guardian of light
My ex also told me all his ex's were crazy, ironically my 2 of my friends were close friends with a girl he dated that he told me was crazy. By their accounts she was a really sweet nice girl. When he was trash talking her one night, I told him this, he had no response, one of the only times he was silent and didnt rage at me.

[Pretty Woman]

My ex's current girlfriend was someone we met in a social group I head up. We have 600 members and I plan a bunch of fun activities within the area to make new friends.

I could tell this girl was interested in my significant other. I should have known better. The mistake I made was actually friending this person and confiding in her about how terrible my ex was, how she cheated on me etc. Obviously, I was ready to end this, I no longer trusted my ex and was hurt by how many times she dumped me. Still, I trusted she'd stick around and trusted this stranger which was my own mistake.

We were all supposed to go bowling and I backed out to pack. My ex and I were leaving for Mexico that next week on a very expensive vacation.

That night they hooked up. The next day my ex went cold on me and told me she was madly in love with this person she knew a week. Now removed a year I can see how insane that is. Best part is this girl who barely knew me kept telling me MY relationship was over for a long time and couldn't get why we couldn't all be friends while she dated my girlfriend.

To this day I think my ex-GF actually met her match. Talk about lack of respect and boundaries. They are now together two years and have been living together since July. I never hear about them and luckily haven't had any run in's being we live five miles apart. All I know is my ex is a serial cheater and she will cheat again. It's in her DNA, BPD or not.

[balletomane]

My ex told my replacement that I was the best person he ever knew. This surprised me, because when we'd been together he'd told me horror stories about how abusive all his exes had been, and for a long while I'd believed him. But it makes sense. I didn't know those women, but my replacement did know me a bit, and she liked what she knew. We think that my ex didn't dare to badmouth me to her because it wouldn't have been consistent with what she knew of me and she would have started to suspect my ex's version of events if he'd told the same exaggerated stories I'd heard about the women before me. My replacement felt very inadequate beside me and thought that I'd had this wonderful relationship with him that she couldn't replicate, so the common theme here is that we were both manipulated - I was made to feel that I was responsible for giving him a good loving relationship after he'd suffered so much (and he really hammered home that I was failing him!), and she was made to feel that she could never live up to me.