Moving forward with confidence

[Aim]

 I am married 30 years to a recently  diagnosed spouse. A little over a year. He is in counseling and disclosed that his therapist recommended  a psychiatrist.  He has substance abuse issues as well. My adult daughter  is undiagnosed, but counsellors suggest and give us resources for BPD. She is abusive to us and her children and friends. She does not know her Dad was diagnosed and we do not have contact due to her wishes. I am in the planning  process to leave and feel no bond to stay. I am applying and practicing  healthy response techniques. I've been educating  myself and fixing the areas that were clear to me that I needed and still need to. I set boundaries and am holding them and being met by increased attacks. I can see the tools working and though difficult,  they are effective especially  managing my responses. I  am kind an compassionate  to myself  and am looking forward to a healthy life. I have physical issues that limit me sometimes and it's harder to be emotionally  strong during these times, but prioritize my health now. I want to protect  myself financially and am trying to navigate  that.  I  had no idea what healthy  meant until I  observed instead of participated. I feel like I  am in a sandwich with 2 family  members, so didn't even know which category  I  fit in. I know this group  was a good choice because  just reading  experiences, I felt validated in my life and relate in a weird and relieving way.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

Hey Aim

I'm glad you have found us and want to assure you that we "get it". 

30 years is a long time to be married to someone showing BPDish traits!  Has he been showing for most of the marriage?

What was the diagnosis?

What kind of physical issues do you have?  I'm 100% Permanent and Total disabled vet.  Still sorting out through physical therapy what kind of future I can have with lots of joint and back issues.

I'll check back soon to see your response.  I'm glad you feel validated by reading.  We hope to do even better as we get to know your personal story.

Best,

FF

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.

I am so sorry for the circumstances that bring you here but I am glad you are reaching out for support.  We can help you with that as you decide how to navigate your way through your relationship.

I moved your thread to the Bettering a Relationship board not because you want to stay in your marriage but because you are still married and even as you work your way towards ending the marriage the tools and skills taught and used here will be necessary to ensure as healthy a break as possible. 

You mentioned you are in the planning process.  Can you share where you are in that process?  Are you still living together? 

We also have a Family Law, Custody, Co-parenting, Divorce where many others who are divorcing someone with a high conflict personality post so you may want to check it out.

Hope to hear more from you soon.