Confused - Whats happening and what do I do?

[Ruthy2]

Ive had very limited contact with my exBPD, tried NC for a while but cant really do this due to being owed money.

I was meant to recieve the money again a few weeks ago, then some excuse came about loosing details.

So sent those across which stirred up old feelings for me, so the next day I phoned him and he was lovely!  A few messages were then sent back and forth (I obviously said the wrong thing)the silent treatment started again.

A week later still no money, I made a further attempt at contact but the result of the conversation was Im a horrid person, he wants no further contact with me period.

He gave strict instructions as to when money would be sent and the rest of stuff would be returned/collected.

We did however reach an understanding as to why we wont work as a couple and BPD was discussed briefly, I asked to stay in touch but was told not a chance.

So Ive done as requested and made no further contact... . however money still not arrived   

Ive chased him up again, waiting on update.

This cant continue... . whats happening here and what can I do?

[laelle]

Unfortunately unless you have some sort of contract you cant force him to do anything   If it makes you feel better, you can keep bugging him about it tho.  It will irritate the life out of him.

In my personal experience, the promise of a BPD ceases to be true the moment it comes out of their mouth (when it comes to money anyway.)  It may be the impulsive NEED that causes them to promise more than they can actually pay, or they just really have no intention to paying from the beginning.  They are professionals at the art of manipulation and making you feel sorry for them.

If you havent been able to get your money so far, what makes you think future promises will be respected?

I am really sorry that you have been left high and dry, I hope that you are able to bug him until you at least get some of it back.

[Ruthy2]

Thanks laelle and yea I know its unlikely Im going to get this cash, I just dont see the point in saying its been sent or going to be and even contacting me to ask for the details again.

Whats the point?  Why not just say sorry I dont have it,if I get it in the future you can have it or something along those lines. Then stop answering my calls... nothing I can do then and puts all contact to a halt which is what he says he wants.

This back and forth contact is pointless.

If you havent been able to get your money so far, what makes you think future promises will be respected?

I recieved half of what was owed a while ago, so had no reason to think I wouldnt recieve the rest BUT now I am starting to realise its not gonna happen!

[laelle]

If you have gotten part of it, then maybe you can talk him into the rest of it.  I have not found this to be true, especially during the time my ex and I were broken up and I no longer offered any benefit to him.

" I just dont see the point in saying its been sent or going to be and even contacting me to ask for the details again."

I cant answer this question, but I found it to be true many times in my own relationship.  He even once told me he had an engagement ring for me in his hand.  He didnt show up with it and made a big excuse, followed by another and another and I just got sick of dealing with it.

Maybe that is what your ex is looking for, you to give up asking?

[Ruthy2]

Thank you.

Your ex sounds similar to mine, mine had gifts for me that never arrived etc.

Like you've said as I am now the ex and no longer of use, sounds like he doesnt feel the need to return whats owed.

Just wish he would say so, instead of wasting my time.

x