Does or Has anyone just walked away?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm curious, has anyone actually just walked away without any problems whatsoever?

Two scenarios... .if there is a breakup, has any S.O. just walked away and said "toodles!"   OR has there been a breakup where the afflicted person does not wreak havoc on the S.O.

I'm not talking about the misery while the couple was together... .if there wasn't a problem, people would still be together.  It's just that it seems that anyone and everyone having to deal with a BPD S.O. almost doesn't make it out alive.  I've got about a week or so to go before I'm out of here and I'm getting real antsy. She's still doing BPD stuff, but mainly she stays out of the house and away from me. I can't wait to be out!  :-)

[DyingLove]

I'm curious, has anyone actually just walked away without any problems whatsoever?

Two scenarios... .if there is a breakup, has any S.O. just walked away and said "toodles!"   OR has there been a breakup where the afflicted person does not wreak havoc on the S.O.

I'm not talking about the misery while the couple was together... .if there wasn't a problem, people would still be together.  It's just that it seems that anyone and everyone having to deal with a BPD S.O. almost doesn't make it out alive.  I've got about a week or so to go before I'm out of here and I'm getting real antsy. She's still doing BPD stuff, but mainly she stays out of the house and away from me. I can't wait to be out!  :-)

[fromheeltoheal]

I walked away, or more accurately fled, and aside from a bunch of contact attempts that I ignored over a period of about a year, it was over from the day I left.  Our relationship was much shorter than most here though, and we weren't married and didn't have kids; my guess is it was mostly her shame that kept her away, since she knows what she did and it was bullsht, but that's just a guess.  By far the largest challenge was between my ears after it ended, since she awakened things in me that we very old and unresolved, and using the pain of going there again to dig deep and grow through them was ultimately the gift of the relationship.  What if life is about finding empowering meanings in all of our experiences and they serve us?

[willtimeheal]

I walked away after six years. I had been lied to, cheated on, abused emotionally and mentally, taken advantage of financially, and dealt with her addiction to alcohol. I walked away when I realized she was lining up another behind my back. She had done it before and I had always taken her back and forgiven her... .not this time. She didn't leave me, I said enough and left her.

We even worked together so I was forced to see her everyday after. I stayed away from her and she stayed away from me. Then she got in legal trouble and was moved from the building which made recovery easier for me. She reached out to me twice in the last six months and I ignored both. I haven't heard from her in three months and don't expect to.

As heel said the biggest battle after walking away was in my head and in my heart. As much as I missed her I knew she was toxic. I look at my life now and it has taken off. Her life has pretty much remained the same... .same story just a few different supporting characters.

[sun seeker]

  Hey dying love

Yea I just walked away.  (She never tried to break up with me) With out any problems from my dexBPDgf. After 2 year r/s and only one recycle we didn't even have argument I just had enough(hit bottom)  I knew what was to come next. (10000 calls and text) So I immediately changed my phone number and blocked all social media from her and  everyone we had in common... I never check my email anyway so no worries with that.

  It was the best decision I've made for.myself. 100%. Dont get me wrong there are good days and bad . Its very hard to walk away from someone you love. (I was head over heals for this women)... Here I am today smiling just got back from the beach with my dog. I had a great no stress day. So worth getting out of that toxic situation. Good luck !

[DyingLove]

The minute I started reading... .I nearly burst into tears.  I can hear that you all loved and lost... .as did I.  I'm sorry for you all... .as well as every other person in this world that has gone thru what we do go thru.  As strong as I feel at time (like when I wrote my original post) I get really really really down. Almost everything makes me cry... .my emotions are obviously so pent up and so dense that anything makes me weep.  I loved her to death too. I don't know if I still love her... .it's so buried under hurt and anger.  But everything she still does, gets to me.  I think the biggest thing is this:  We used to do EVERYTHING together. Now we went to do NOTHING and treat me like a stranger or invader in HER home. She also thinks she DESERVES everything.  I say still, because I'm still under the same roof waiting for another week or two to move out.  I KNOW I'm gonna be better.  I know I'm still gonna cry.

Thank you sun seeker, willtimeheal and fromheelto heal.  I'd like to hear others too.  I need all the inspiration I can get.  Thank you.

[DyingLove]

Also... .thank you to Rockylove. We've become friends on FB and she's been the greatest inspiration, source of knowledge, and strength that I cannot be. Without her, I don't know that I would have come this far.  What a wonderful woman... .in the midst of her own issues and crisis'. Thank you.

[Rockylove]

I'm glad that I could be inspiration to you, my friend.  I know how difficult it is to walk away.  I've done it before.  I had a really tumultuous 2nd marriage and had to leave the state because I knew that if I didn't, I'd be sucked back into the drama.  Leaving was the best thing I could have done.  It wasn't without drama, but it faded because I stopped responding to it.  If I had it to do over, I'd never have answered the 1st call.  I wish you strength and fortitude as you move forward with the rest of your life... .the life YOU create and not a life that someone else chooses for you.  Dysfunction be damned!

[apollotech]

I walked away at the 8 month mark. I realized that there would never be peace, caring, or love from my BPDexgf. She couldn't provide those things; she wasn't healthy/mature (age 48) enough to be in a real, deep, intimate, loving, mature relationship. Because she has a mental disorder, I don't blame her for her shortfalls, but I saw that I couldn't live a normal life with her.

At the advice of my T and a few friends that were aware of the chaos in the relationship I just stopped all communication with her. I didn't give her any reason for my action. I have had to deal with guilt regarding that for awhile, but I am getting better. My T saw my emotional state and knew of the emotional abuse and advised me to just walk away. She had a new Mr. Shiny in about 3 weeks, so I know that my leaving had little affect on her. We've been split now for about six weeks with me practicing strict NC. She sends me a text about every 7-10 days breaking up with me. God only knows what goes on in their minds.

[starshine]

I walked away after my uexBPDbf crazily dumped me.  It was the hardest, most heartbreaking thing I have ever done.  I shattered into a million pieces.  I  loved what we had built together, although I saw how it was just a mirage when he moved on within 4 days.  After I got most of my stuff from him I never contacted him again.  He was already pursuing and fully engaged with his next conquest, but did find time to send me a few very hateful texts. It was such a bummer, losing the person I thought was my best friend and life mate.  You will get through this. 

[raisins3142]

I walked, literally, after 6 months.  There was 1 break up at the 3 month mark that lasted 2 weeks.

I say I walked literally because we were at a bar and she was hitting on a guy in front of me.  That was just the straw that broke the camel's back after a lot more.  I broke up with her that night and walked home alone.

I've communicated briefly after that but never seriously considered rekindling things, although I know she would have.

[Clearmind]

Walked away.

These relationships hit us at our very core. The break up is devastating and earth shattering and you wonder if you'll ever smile again or forget about them. You do!

These relationships teach you more about you if you can permit it. Harder to do when the focus is 100% on them. We know what we endured. We have thought about it a lot, talked about it a lot, written about it and dreamt about it. I know all too well.

What's really helpful is to see that we weren't left or didn't leave because things suddenly got bad. There were warning signs along the way that I for sure ignored. Why? Why did I need him so badly yet was treated like scraps.

This relationship mirrored much of my childhood. I chose this man because that's how I knew to relate. I grew up in a household where one parent was an alcoholic and the other an enabler. I mirrored my mothers enabling ways in relationships because that's what was shown to me. I dated men that gave me scraps because that's what I thought was not only normal but deserving.

If I had self worth I would have left after the first date. That first date was amazing. I felt like we had known each other for ever - idealising a person after one date is a sure recipe for disaster. We didn't even know one another.

Self worth and good healthy limits and boundaries are things I really needed to work on. My parents didnt teach me these important lessons in life so had to relearn at 37.

Do yourself a massive favour and try for a short period of time to not ruminate and look at what reasons may have brought you to this relationship. Because no one can treat you that way and still label it love. Loving an abuser is not a healthy love.

All the best.

[StarOfTheSea]

I walked. Two days after Christmas he told me he was overwhelmed and 'I just can't do this r/s right now.' By that time I was sick of his push/pull, passive aggressive bs that had been going on for a little over month. I was still totally blindsided but I'm proud of myself that I walked away without any tearful begging or fights about the b/u. It's like something finally clicked in my mind and I thought 'f- this, I deserve better.'

Come to find out, he was getting involved with an ex while we were still together. Six weeks after our b/u he proposed to her.   blech. Leaving was difficult and heartbreaking but after discovering his infidelity it made my decision easier to bear.

[healingandmovingon]

I decided to cut off contact with the man I had been involved with over the past two years (whom I finally figured out is likely a sufferer of BPD, thanks to the help of my therapist) in early February, after I found out he was in love with someone else--a woman he had apparently forged a friendship with that I didn't know about. I found out that he was declaring love for her as early as November, when he was still professing to love me and claiming to want a commitment from me. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. Of course he denied it and said they were platonic friends, but I found a love letter he had written to her in addition to some emails professing his love, so I knew that was BS.

A bit of background: Our relationship was dysfunctional from nearly the start, although I was naive and didn't recognize it. The beginning was a romantic whirlwind. He came on very strong, and he was so vulnerable and emotionally open, and the sex was so amazing, I got completely drawn in. Within three weeks he said he was falling in love with me. We talked about our desire for marriage and children.

But the "honeymoon" only lasted a month, after which we had our first fight over him drinking and driving. He claimed I had "shamed" him and proceeded to blame me and attack my character.  The relationship turned into a roller coaster after that, with us breaking up and getting back together several times over various things--other women, something inane that I said, etc. But he kept drawing me back in. He would push me away and then draw me back in, then push me away again.

Finally, at the end of last year, we broke up and never really got back together. We entered a gray area where we continued sleeping together, remaining emotionally involved and acting for all intents and purposes like a couple, but outwardly referring to each other as "friends" rather than significant others. He became emotionally distant, giving me just enough to string me along but leaving me feeling lonely and abandoned. I kept deluding myself into thinking he was going through a hard time, and that if I only hung on long enough, and loved and supported him enough, he would come out of it. He had problems with his finances, and I lent him a large amount of money--something I never thought I'd do, ever. Then last summer, he had a disagreement with his roommates and had to move out, and I made the mistake of offering to let him stay with me. That's when things got really bad.

For four months following, I took care of him - buying him meals, doing his laundry, picking up after him, driving him where he needed to go (his car had broken down and he had no money to fix it) and letting him live with me for free, without setting any expectations or boundaries. Then, the depression set in. His drinking worsened. I lived in anxiety not knowing when he would come home every night, or what state he would come home in. He picked fights, had outbursts of anger triggered by something or other that I said, and fits of crying. He lied about whereabouts, didn't follow through with plans, wouldn't show up when we planned to meet. He blamed me for his depression, personal and business failures. Then he threatened to commit suicide and blame it on me. That's when I sought out counseling to figure out what I should do; whether I should stick it out or leave.

Thank God for the counselor, who helped me sort out what was going on. I thought I was helping him, when really I was enabling him and letting him use me. She helped me to recognize and acknowledge the poor boundaries, manipulation, crazy making, emotional and verbal abuse, lying and secrecy that made this relationship so toxic and dysfunctional. I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn't.

By December we agreed to end our relationship and remain friends, but when I found out he lied to me yet again, I decided to cut off our friendship and all contact. How could I be friends with someone I could not trust, and never felt safe around? He fought it in the beginning and sent me a string of abusive texts and emails, saying I was spreading malicious lies about him because I told others he was dating someone else (he continued to deny his relationship with this woman was anything but platonic). He threatened that our friends would turn against me, bullied me into an apology, and then verbally abused me some more after I withdrew said apology. And all the while he said he wanted to keep contact and our friendship, because he loved me and cared about me. More crazymaking. I finally had to threaten him with a no-contact order if he didn't leave me alone.

It's been a week and a half with no contact. Although I feel peace, I also miss him terribly - it feels like withdrawal from a drug. I feel so angry about how he abused me, manipulated me and used me. But I also can't stop thinking about how things could have been, and how much I cared about him, and how much of myself I gave to him, and what could have been ... .I feel sad and abandoned. Is this normal? Why do I long for someone who treated me so poorly, and who was so dysfunctional? I'd love to hear from others who have enforced no contact from an ex with BPD, and what your healing process was. I am really struggling and would like to hope that things will get better and easier as time goes on.

[hurting300]

  Hey dying love

Yea I just walked away.  (She never tried to break up with me) With out any problems from my dexBPDgf. After 2 year r/s and only one recycle we didn't even have argument I just had enough(hit bottom)  I knew what was to come next. (10000 calls and text) So I immediately changed my phone number and blocked all social media from her and  everyone we had in common... I never check my email anyway so no worries with that.

  It was the best decision I've made for.myself. 100%. Dont get me wrong there are good days and bad . Its very hard to walk away from someone you love. (I was head over heals for this women)... Here I am today smiling just got back from the beach with my dog. I had a great no stress day. So worth getting out of that toxic situation. Good luck !

you just walked away without telling her anything?

[DyingLove]

I know I should probably not word it this way, but you've all got wonderful stories. Honestly their uplifting to others that are in the same boat.

I've got a twist here, and this just happened yesterday.

First off, I should be leaving by the end of the week next week the latest. It will be while she's at work, so that I won't have to see her and she won't have to see me. I won't do anything but I'm not supposed to do, just taking my stuff and hightailing it out here and not looking back as best I can.

Quick bit of history: she has no priorities, or to be fair I should just say that her priorities are pretty immature and just living for the now. If you want to see her light up you can talk about Disney World or Busch Gardens or theme parks or hotels places like that. I don't know about you guys but when somebody talks about stuff most of the time I tend to believe they're headed towards what they're talking about. So we've had talks in the past about priorities. You shouldn't spend money on things that you have no money to spend. Vacations are nice, getaways are nice but not constantly and not if you aren't taking care of more important things in life. When I first came to Florida, it actually took me eight months to get to a beach. She would always talk about us going places and doing things and I love the beach and the sand and it just never happened or at least not right away.

Okay, she staying away from the house and me as much as she possibly can she went away Friday night to stay at her parents her kid is off with her biological dad and me I'm stranded here in the house with no vehicle and nobody around to talk to in the physical sense. She told me she would be back Sunday, meaning yesterday. So she texts me about 130 and just says on my way. I'm glad she was able to spare three words. Our plans for yesterday were to go to the storage unit that we share and see what's what. She had borrowed her mother's truck and we loaded up some stuff to bring back to the house of mine. Some stuff of hers she also had taken and she was bringing that to her brother's house to store. Her brother is another topic. So when we got back here she's given me a hand unloading the truck because I have a pinched nerve and I decide to ask her where she is going on vacation this week because she had taken two days off. So she says her and her daughter are going to Disney World. I'm thinking that's just frigging great, all this time I spend with her trying to make a life and keep this damn relationship going, and she already makes plans to go off to a theme park just have a great time. So I said to her did you break up with me so that you can go to Disney World? She explained to me how she had gotten free tickets. Of course she made me dig deeper and deeper and deeper to find out more and more about this, first I asked her if she got them at work and she said no she couldn't pass up this free offer. Boils down to the fact that her brother bought her the tickets. I said to her I would have liked to gone also, meaning when we were together, at that point was her perfect opportunity to throw all the priority stuff in my face. At that point I was just seeing red and could not contain myself. So push came to shove and we had probably the last blowout that were going to have. She definitely also suffers from sibling codependency, and she worships her brother as well as she worships all the other family. I always came last and was hardly worth a mention. I have issues with her brother because he's a real jerk, and anybody I've spoken to already has called him a jerk. But she grew up with him and he was the protector and she can see any wrong coming from him even though she calls him a jerk also. I realized I was going nowhere fast. So she left about 5 o'clock I was very upset as well as feeling horribly guilty. I know I should have just closed my mouth not even asking her where she was going and not be concerned about anything but where I am going. I am so bewildered at the coldness harshness and lack of compassion from this woman. I guess I could only give it up to God and hope that he will extract all these horrible memories and feelings from my heart and mind. Top all this off with a pinched nerve I have in my neck that is excruciatingly painful my left shoulder and numbness and weakness in my whole left arm and hand. I'm wondering if this is also related to the stress I'm going through with her. Jesus Christ died on the cross for us, I can't even bear this pain. All over a woman. A BPD woman.

[willtimeheal]

Dying love,

My exbodgf had a bizarre relationship with her brother also.  I often wondered if something "happened" between the two of them. He would make statements that he only dated girls that looked like her, he would get jealous if she spent time with me and not him, he would ask her to spend the night and watch movies, and he had inappropriately touched her twice that I know off. 

Her brother is a jerk. He is an immature child in a grown man's body. He is violent and a bigot. He drinks till he passes out and he is verbally abusive. But yet my ex would do anything to please him. She worshipped him like he was a God. I can't even begin to understand it. She had a chance for a really nice life with me. Yet she chose crazy.

[Jmanster]

Hey guys, I want to let you know that I have not written on this forum for months. I have actually been working on myself a lot lately. Let me tell you a little bit about my story. In the beginning of last year, I met a beautiful girl, we ended up dating for five months. In during those five months there have been massive ups And downs. During those months, I did a lot of research regarding her personality and I found this site and concluded that she has borderline personality disorder. My mother is also a marriage and family therapists and has also diagnosed her as being a borderline. So one night I decided to end the relationship with her. She would just change your emotions so drastically without any explanation. I changed my emotions very drastically as well in the past, However, I was able to resolve my issues were at least overcome them and eventually communicate them to her. So then I broke up with her, I went home, went to sleep, felt great and in the morning I felt horrible. I ended up calling her back and saying that I made a huge mistake lets give this another try. We can get back together we just act like couple. Another 5 to 6 months go by, and during these months it has been pure hell for me. The manipulations, the games, the massive guilt trips. I started to realize that I was becoming her puppet. I wasn't able to just walk away until one night. I found closure. How? I can't really explain it, but something in my brain collect. We were out to dinner, we got in an argument, and her actions after the dinner, Resulted me and in my car driving home and not speaking with her. I am on my 10th week of no contact. The reason why I decided to get my car in drive away, was because she did not want to talk about our issue that night we had that dinner. In other words, she was too childish to acknowledge that I have a problem with the way she was acting. She was like a little kid, scared to find a solution. And that's all I wanted. I was able to walk away that night because I realized that this person cannot Live a life filled with solutions. She can only live a life with problems and unless she seeks professional help, she will not be able to have a long lasting normal relationship. Unfortunately it took me 5 to 6 months after the break up to realize that she was an extremely unhealthy person for me. It depends on the person, we all need our closure. But you have to think long and hard, about the future. If I want to ask you describe your relationship and you told me a sentence that involved the word miserable you end the relationship immediately. Miserable should never be in your vocabulary when you are in a relationship. I hope this helped you out, like a lot of us, I learned the long and painful way. Your happiness comes first, always. Never forget that.

[DyingLove]

Dying love,

My exbodgf had a bizarre relationship with her brother also.  I often wondered if something "happened" between the two of them. He would make statements that he only dated girls that looked like her, he would get jealous if she spent time with me and not him, he would ask her to spend the night and watch movies, and he had inappropriately touched her twice that I know off. 

Her brother is a jerk. He is an immature child in a grown man's body. He is violent and a bigot. He drinks till he passes out and he is verbally abusive. But yet my ex would do anything to please him. She worshipped him like he was a God. I can't even begin to understand it. She had a chance for a really nice life with me. Yet she chose crazy.

WOW!  Sounds familiar.  I'm going to confess something here. I don't know if it's so much a confession or just admitting that I'm a human being and said something and did something stupid. I'd say somewhere in 2013, when I wasn't that understanding of the BPD thing with my ex-girlfriend, we had gotten into some type of argument. Only the Lord knows what it was about, but I'll never forget what I said because she has never let me forget and when I tell you your understand why. I do remember somewhere that she backed me into a corner verbally and I lashed out and I said to her something to the effect of her sleeping with her brother or going to bed with her brother when they were younger. Believe me it was the right come back as much as it was the wrong thing to say. I know she got all on my case after that and said something about telling him and I said that I didn't give a crap go ahead. Next thing I knew she was on the phone with him. He's always been a jerk to me, and I'm sorry to say this because I'm really trying not to do all the things that anger make me do. But after that of course he took an extra disliking to me and before you know it the entire family knew that I said this. Did anybody really give a crap why it was said or what she had done to provoke me? Nope, not at all. Like I said at this point I can't even remember the origin of that argument. It was something similar with him at the point of our breakup, in fact in the same day. She's got problems he's got problems the whole damn family has problems. I'll be at a here in a couple of days and I really do not want to look back. But it's funny that your post is so similar at least in theory. And yes she would bend over backwards for him and the rest of the family many many times before she even thought of doing anything for me which was very rare. Somebody had mentioned sibling codependency to me and it sounds like a possibility. I'm just so tired of all this crap. Thanks for your reply and your information because I don't feel so alone in this matter now.

[willtimeheal]

Dying... .

My exes family were and are a bunch of enablers. For the longest time in my relationship with my exBPDgf I was an enabler. When I finally went to therapy and got stronger and realized what I deserved and started to voice it my ex could not handle it. I started holding her accountable for her actions. I was no longer an enabler. She needs to surround herself with enablers... .That is her family. I no longer played the game.  I got strong.

[DyingLove]

Dying... .

My exes family were and are a bunch of enablers. For the longest time in my relationship with my exBPDgf I was an enabler. When I finally went to therapy and got stronger and realized what I deserved and started to voice it my ex could not handle it. I started holding her accountable for her actions. I was no longer an enabler. She needs to surround herself with enablers... .That is her family. I no longer played the game.  I got strong.

EXCELLENT POST! There was one point where she went to therapy... .she ALMOST gave it a go.  She went only 3 times... .she had told me that the t told her to break up the relationship.  Maybe that was her "reason" for not going!  Never thought of it like that.  BUT obviously I was an enabler too. ANd I continued to do so for her. I've got till tomorrow to skeeedaddle! I'm stressed and got a pinched nerve in my neck and my left arm is killing and wweak and numb-ish. As long as she goes to work tomorrow... .everything will work out. She did disney tues and wed... .with her kid. Priorities... .right?   Thanks willtimeheal.

[Loosestrife]

Healingandmovingon - I think what your feeling is normal. I have managed 1 week max NC but I will try again soon. My T says if you can get to 30,60 then 90 days it will get easier. Good luck and keep posting 

[willtimeheal]

Dying... .

My exes family were and are a bunch of enablers. For the longest time in my relationship with my exBPDgf I was an enabler. When I finally went to therapy and got stronger and realized what I deserved and started to voice it my ex could not handle it. I started holding her accountable for her actions. I was no longer an enabler. She needs to surround herself with enablers... .That is her family. I no longer played the game.  I got strong.

EXCELLENT POST! There was one point where she went to therapy... .she ALMOST gave it a go.  She went only 3 times... .she had told me that the t told her to break up the relationship.  Maybe that was her "reason" for not going!  Never thought of it like that.  BUT obviously I was an enabler too. ANd I continued to do so for her. I've got till tomorrow to skeeedaddle! I'm stressed and got a pinched nerve in my neck and my left arm is killing and wweak and numb-ish. As long as she goes to work tomorrow... .everything will work out. She did disney tues and wed... .with her kid. Priorities... .right?   Thanks willtimeheal.

Wow. Mine went to therapy too. I set her up with the best therapist to help her deal with her abusive past. She also told me the therapist told her... .That in the end it may not be her and I that end up together.

I knew when she said that that she was  lining up the replacement but I had hope that it would work out as long as she stayed in therapy. She quit therapy when she went back to work. I now know she only went cuz I paid for it and she got the insurance checks and needed the money. So she went to therapy so she could scam money from me. She dated the replacement on the side and I finally said enough and stopped paying and walked away. What is interesting is yours told u the same thing... .That the therapist said that it wouldn't last. Wow.  They just have a warped sense of reality.

[DyingLove]

In a nutshell, I left. March 19 showed up, my rescuers from New York appeared in a heavenly glow and we packed the truck.

She was obviously at work, I didn't know for sure because she hadn't been home in four days. There was one text where she stated this: so, I guess you aren't here. And then less than a minute later there was a phone call that I did not answer and no message was left.

So you think you've been on a roller coaster? I've been up I've been down I've been everywhere in between ever since leaving. The heartbreak the guilt ashamed the everything is there. I realize that I don't miss her, but I miss whatever it was that filled the empty void that I have now. Starting before I left I had a pinched nerve in my neck with pain going down my shoulder and arm numbness in my hand along with weakness. I'm still suffering from that and went to see a chiropractor the other day and I have another appointment this week. But the stress is enough to kill a person the heartbreak is like a wave in a tsunami when it takes the water out to see before coming in and then all of a sudden this terrible wave of emotion comes barreling in. I'm back in the same place I was before living with my ex-girlfriend, and only now can I see how much I have really changed. I'm like a freaking invalid, I'm broken and emotional. I'm thankful to the Lord for allowing me to escape alive. Now comes the healing and the getting back on my feet process. It's not going to be easy I know that, but it's almost like having a debilitating disease or being in a coma for so long and then coming out of it. I'll have to take baby steps because I almost don't know what to do at any one given point when things change. On a positive note I've been greeted kindly and with love by many people who knew me and are meeting me. This is much more than I've had in the past three years. Going through the actual breakup firsthand versus talking about it happening is close but no cigar. I made it out of here and so can you. I do feel a little bit slighted or cheated because I'm not getting any hate texts or phone calls or emails,, you would think that would have started with the first day? I don't know. I think I would've felt better getting the classic BPD treatment, but I guess her controlling ways she even took those things away from me to.

[sun seeker]

 Hurting

Yea I walked out  i didnt say a word. ( this was a first for me) and when I got home I just texted her "im changing my number" she was drunk ( i mean half a handle of vodka drunk) I guarantee she doesnt remember me even being at her house.

I hit rock bottom. I had nothing left in me. Have not spoken or text once since n/c.

Dont get me wrong it took all I had to stay n/c. Very rough time. Still is at times.   Well worth it.

The best thing ive done for my self.

[hurting300]

Hurting

Yea I walked out  i didnt say a word. ( this was a first for me) and when I got home I just texted her "im changing my number" she was drunk ( i mean half a handle of vodka drunk) I guarantee she doesnt remember me even being at her house.

I hit rock bottom. I had nothing left in me. Have not spoken or text once since n/c.

Dont get me wrong it took all I had to stay n/c. Very rough time. Still is at times.   Well worth it.

The best thing ive done for my self.

well no you did text her. I have to respect what you did. But that's what my ex did too me... .And one year later i still cry.

[sun seeker]

 Hurting

Sorry you are going through this. Yeah it is a very rough situation we put our selfs in (Bpd r/s).

[Nevergiveuponhope]

I cannot wait for counselling!... .As I am baffled/confused/shocked... .at how he could discard after 5 years of me giving this man my life... and my sheer love... !

He knew our both past childhood traumas and yet I cannot get my head around him being in denial of the way he has been with me in those 5 years! ... he points to 1 aspect only ( We were not even together at this time as he had discarded and ended us then)... but I remained very much in love with him and got back in touch,, he then gave me false hope as we continued to fight for us!... .

I look deeper than the surface to why people are the way they are and I feel that rather than condemn and walk, we should support and try to understand their hurt? ...

i'm insecure yes, and hands up I know I have certain other issues to which im learning and working on!but I know why! (childhood trauma... non maternal mother)... .yet im a good hearted woman who just needed a loving man in her life to show her her worth! is that such a lot to ask? yet even 3 months in came the hurtful insults and accusations... i stayed because I saw similar pain behind his eyes! ( he too had childhood trauma)... and I loved him!... .but as years went on, you become drained and weaker,, each further false accusation/insult! hoping and wishing they would just see! ... .see that they are your world and the fears are just that FEARS from his past!... .  yet now i'm just discarded again and im really struggling to cope... .its just the nasty bitter messages I received that shocked me the most... .This same man who during the years had me believe we would be forever!... .Why cant he see? why does it not register?

I have read so much and am educating myself on the various forms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder as I think he has certain traits of this as he thinks i'm BPD!... .  ( only when I pointed out things were going downhill did I get this label btw!)... .Im so hurt.

[FracturedReality]

  Hey dying love

Yea I just walked away.  (She never tried to break up with me) With out any problems from my dexBPDgf. After 2 year r/s and only one recycle we didn't even have argument I just had enough(hit bottom)  I knew what was to come next. (10000 calls and text) So I immediately changed my phone number and blocked all social media from her and  everyone we had in common... I never check my email anyway so no worries with that.

  It was the best decision I've made for.myself. 100%. Dont get me wrong there are good days and bad . Its very hard to walk away from someone you love. (I was head over heals for this women)... Here I am today smiling just got back from the beach with my dog. I had a great no stress day. So worth getting out of that toxic situation. Good luck !

Ah, no stress days. They're amazing. Something I had almost none of for years. That's the number one thing to keep focused on. Even if you're in love with a BPD, even if you think you can help her/him, the cost is a daily dose of stress. It's not worth it. Imagine being able to wake up on saturday, go to the store, go to the beach, go to a movie, go to the bar with your friends then go home and fall asleep. No arguments, no calls, no emergencies, no guilt, no problems... .no stress. I don't care if you're a billionaire playboy, no one has a better life than someone who can expect stress free days 80% of the time.