exW just moving on and having the time of her life

[RisingSun]

Was just out with a friend for lunch. She was telling me about how my xw was having what looked like (on Facebook) the time of her life. She suggested that I should go out more and have some fun and start living life to its fullest. This comment really struck a cord in me. I'm here feeling alone, abandoned, confused, in shock, grief, despair, etc. and I should be out having the time of my life? I want to feel like I can do this but the reality is, I feel stuck with a hell of a lot to process.

Her saying this to me felt like telling someone after a catastrophic event to, just shake it off and "have some fun!". For a healthy person, isn't it normal to grieve and process the traumatic events before you start getting on with your life? I've got a lot to process and this at the moment feels like what I'm doing to get on with my life. Sh!t, I feel lucky to still have my life. The way I felt the first month after our split, I wanted to end it.

My xw is just moving right along with OM. It makes me sick. I can't even comprehend how she's able to do this. Like she's not even interested in looking back. I can barely make it out with friends. And my xw is having the time of her life? It feels like the more I hear about how my xw is moving on, the more stuck I feel. Why is this? It makes me feel even more insignificant to my xw. That might be way. She just let go of all the years we spent together and left me with the baggage. I can't imagine being with someone romantically right now. I can barely function in my close friendships at the moment. I feel like a burden at times. But my xw is taking it in strides and moving on with her life like nothing significant happened.

[camuse]

I feel for you. I feel the same. Mine moved right on and is having fun with a new guy. Three days after saying she couldn't live without me.


Its awful but remember that they have no choice. This is not normal behaviour. It is the behaviour of a crazy person who simply cannot be alone and has to stuff their feelings away and hide under a facade of happiness.

You are the healthy one that's why it hurts. She wins the battle, but she will very much lose the long game.

[Infern0]

Don't worry about what's on fakebook.  Don't even worry about whatever Oscar winning performance they are putting on with the replacement.

We all know they are in a deluded, fake state and soon the real them will be coming out and they will be back to abject misery.

[Perfidy]

Rising sun, hope you're doing well today. Just wanted to tell you that what you're experiencing is very similar to what I experienced. I experienced the shock and she went on as if nothing happened for her. I know this isn't much comfort, but nothing did happen for her. As for me, I grieved the loss and moved on. It hurt. I felt like ending it as you put it.

 

  I took the time to study my self. I found something that is eternal.

[freedom33]

Give her a few months and she will back into her usual world of pain. You on the other hand... .you are doing the right thing. While you don't see it, you are on the up and playing the long game for your well being.  We are learning and growing from the mistakes of the past and from each other. And this needs time and sometimes downtime and seclusion. We are dedicating this time to ourselves - it is not time wasted. Perhaps it is the best time spent. Before this I used to rush, being busy, meeting people, working, going out with friends. Etc. Now I feel this is me time. It is tough but it is 100% me time.

I recently read this somewhere and I really liked it.

"Work is not always required. There is such a thing as sacred idleness."

George MacDonald

Substitute work with whatever is buggering you. Spending time alone, time depressed is time well spent because it is fully dedicated to ourselves to re-evaluate what is good and what is bad, make changes, get better, grow.

There's no need to be jealous. They are not learning from their mistakes. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is BPD. You wouldn't want to be her. You are on the rise.

[RisingSun]

Don't worry about what's on fakebook.  Don't even worry about whatever Oscar winning performance they are putting on with the replacement.

We all know they are in a deluded, fake state and soon the real them will be coming out and they will be back to abject misery.

I feel for you. I feel the same. Mine moved right on and is having fun with a new guy. Three days after saying she couldn't live without me.


Its awful but remember that they have no choice. This is not normal behaviour. It is the behaviour of a crazy person who simply cannot be alone and has to stuff their feelings away and hide under a facade of happiness.

You are the healthy one that's why it hurts. She wins the battle, but she will very much lose the long game.

Thank you for the reminder. My friend's comment really triggered me. I was having a start to a good day until she mentioned my xw "having the time of her life".

I've blocked my xw's fb and my friends know I don't want to hear about what she's doing. They don't always remember though 

When my xw was leaving me for OM she said how unhappy she was with me. She made it seem like I was the one who was making her suffer through all these years. When in reality, I was trying my hardest to make her happy. It got to where I lived to make her happy and keep the peace. Something I never succeeded in doing.

The last time I saw her, she pulled off her wedding rings and as she did she said, "thank god, what a relief". This is how she's moving forward in her life. Like it's a relief to have me out of her life. That really stabs me to the core.

[Infern0]

One thing we all really should have learned is to see through the mask of our BPD's.

I don't get bothered by hearing what she's upto with bilbo baggins (my replacement) don't get me wrong I get sad because I know the truth of it all, I know she has no feelings for him and isn't even attracted to him.  I know it's all an act.

There was a thread "no she's not happy with your replacement" that should be a sticky imo as its so true.

[Bak86]

She will never be happy, she will never make anyone else happy. You will!

[RisingSun]

Rising sun, hope you're doing well today. Just wanted to tell you that what you're experiencing is very similar to what I experienced. I experienced the shock and she went on as if nothing happened for her. I know this isn't much comfort, but nothing did happen for her. As for me, I grieved the loss and moved on. It hurt. I felt like ending it as you put it.

 

  I took the time to study my self. I found something that is eternal.

Thank you Perfidy. That's what I'm focusing on, self study. I work, read, write, get plenty of exercise/yoga, alone time and sleep. That's all I have right now.

It's what feels healthy and like the right thing to do.

I lost a life dream when I lost my wife. She took everything I worked so hard to create. So I'm left without much direction.

I don't want to make big life decisions in such a vulnerable place. I need time to heal and get my head on straight.

[Recooperating]

And thats why they do it! They wanna stab us to the core!

In all honesty, I have great friends and family, but they are clueless. They see it as just a "break up". They really dont understand the trauma, the hurt, the abuse we have to get over. Mine also told me to put my make up and high heels on and go out and find myself another guy! Really? I'd rather eat my shoes... .

I can talk to my friends, but if I wanna be understood, I come here... .We've all experiences the same, its not just a break up (which is hard too) it goes way deeper then that.

My exBPDf and I broke up a month ago and he's moving in with the replacement and me?

Im trying to put all the bits and pieces of me back together, which he broke during our relationship... .I am grieving... .He's getting laid with the woman he cheated with a couple of months ago... .Its sickens me to the core... .

Hang in there RisingSun... .Come to the board for understanding. Dont blame your friends... .Luckily they have not experienced it, so they cant relate... .

Hope you feel better soon... .

[maxen]

hi rising sun. as you see from the foregoing posts, you've joined a club. my w started something for about two months and made sure all was set before blindsiding me, four days after suggesting we rent a power washer that weekend and clean the outside of the house. she spent our anniversary, six weeks later, with her lover and sent me an email that day. got angry when i expressed pain at this. it's almost impossible, but if you can manage it, you should try not to try to understand. pwBPD have a disorder. but i'm not one to talk, i'm 14 moths out and still uncomprehending.

my friends know I don't want to hear about what she's doing. They don't always remember though 

hmmm ... .these "friends" may need a lecture.

[RisingSun]

Give her a few months and she will back into her usual world of pain. You on the other hand... .you are doing the right thing. While you don't see it, you are on the up and playing the long game for your well being.  We are learning and growing from the mistakes of the past and from each other. And this needs time and sometimes downtime and seclusion. We are dedicating this time to ourselves - it is not time wasted. Perhaps it is the best time spent. Before this I used to rush, being busy, meeting people, working, going out with friends. Etc. Now I feel this is me time. It is tough but it is 100% me time.

I recently read this somewhere and I really liked it.

"Work is not always required. There is such a thing as sacred idleness."

George MacDonald

Substitute work with whatever is buggering you. Spending time alone, time depressed is time well spent because it is fully dedicated to ourselves to re-evaluate what is good and what is bad, make changes, get better, grow.

There's no need to be jealous. They are not learning from their mistakes. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is BPD. You wouldn't want to be her. You are on the rise.

You are so right on with this freedom. Thank you for taking time out to share. That quote resonates with me deeply.

And yes, I'm concerned with the long game. That's why I choose to go to therapy twice a week. I want to heal and move on in a healthy way. I want to become a better person through all of this. If I don't focus on becoming a better person, then what's the point in enduring such a relationship if it wasn't to learn from my mistakes?

This takes time and introspection. That's my gift to my Self.

I'm not interested in, having the time of my life. I'm interested in, taking time for myself. That's what I find important right now.

[RisingSun]

hi rising sun. as you see from the foregoing posts, you've joined a club. my w started something for about two months and made sure all was set before blindsiding me, four days after suggesting we rent a power washer that weekend and clean the outside of the house. she spent our anniversary, six weeks later, with her lover and sent me an email that day. got angry when i expressed pain at this. it's almost impossible, but if you can manage it, you should try not to try to understand. pwBPD have a disorder. but i'm not one to talk, i'm 14 moths out and still uncomprehending.

my friends know I don't want to hear about what she's doing. They don't always remember though 

hmmm ... .these "friends" may need a lecture.

Thanks maxen.

I got after my dad a couple of days ago. On my xw's bday he calls me up and tells me she's on a camping trip! Now, why would I care? He of all people should remember I don't want to hear about what she's doing, especially on her bday. And I know who she's with on this camping trip. Hopefully he won't slip up again.

Just for good measure, I'm planning on making my rounds with friends, assuring they all understand I don't want to hear about her ever again. That is unless she gets hit by the karma bus   

[fred6]

Yes, sadly I'm in the same situation. She seemed to move on rather easily. We have lived together for 3 years and now she's yet again a "human mattress" for someone else and I still live with her for the time being. Not fun seeing these things go on while you still live there, so I do know what you are feeling.

She always used to tell me that guys usually don't last 4 months with her. It made me feel good that I was doing a good job in the relationship. I figured it was because she was going out with a bunch of jerks. Now I realize that SHE was the common denominator in all of those failed short term sexual relationships. In the end, she got too close to me for her comfort, freaked out, and sought out my replacement that she could be sexual with for her closeness, while not having to commit or invest any feelings or intimacy to this person.  I'll always love her, but at this point I think I like the cat better than her. However, I'm losing the cat too, . Sorry for your difficulties and hope that you can block this toxic person out of your life until you're in a stronger position. We're all in the same boat here, good luck.

[DiamondSW]

She's not having the time of her life!  I promise you there... .

She's acting like a little child with a shiny new toy and she's showing it or herself off on facebook as a way of expressing that she's found 'all she's ever wanted'... .  but she hasn't.  She's just found a reason to post some pictures on facebook and not make her life look really empty... .  empty... .empty.

It's strange but about a month after I split from my BPDexgf, she posted some jaw dropping photos of a 5 star holiday somewhere amazing.  Thailand?  Dubai?  Anyway, a bounty advert beach.  But she was on her own in the pictures.  Just jumping up in the air on a golden beach, whilst in a bikini. 

Now, in the scheme of games, I think she wanted me to think she was with someone else... .and she was.  Her mother.  And in hindsight, it had to be her mum because my ex was 30 and had never worked, rented a student room (paid by mum) and hadnt grown up.  So she'd played the 'poor me' card to her mum, no doubt with lots of tears, and had been bought a very nice holiday (and further time when not looking for a job). 

Facebook and pictures on there are all a nasty game.  It's not the truth and not real life. 

A year later, my ex is still in her room and I don't think she's working.   The images that I remember of her on facebook -beaming, healthy and happy, ... .were NOT the images I remember on a 1:1 basis, when she was telling me how cruel her mum was, about how she was sexually abused, blah blah blah. 

Facebook means nothing... .  your memories of the true person mean everything.  Finally, as my therapist said... ."if you want to know about the stability and happiness of a person, look at their CV"... .you can lie (fake) in a photo, but you can't hide being a waste of space and sponge for a decade!

wow... .that was harsh! actually, no... .  it's true.  lazy waste of space!

[Infern0]

There exists not one photo of mine and her replacement together.  There exists only photo's of her posing and the things he has bought her. She told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with him,  yet she's too ashamed of him to post a photo of him on her many social media outlets.  I see through it so easily.

It's all LIES.  We try to grasp so many of their lies only for them to vanish into thin air. Eventually we have to start realising it's a fantasy they are living in. We all know the truth.  In many ways we are the lucky ones. Imagine how many poor people are out there who never figured out it was BPD,  and are doomed to go through lives blaming themselves or thinking they were not good enough or some other crap.

As weird as it is,  we were smart enough to figure it out and we will recover.  Many victims won't.

[Compassion14]

Hi Rising Sun,

You sound like you are in exactly the right place to work on yourself just now and ultimately give yourself the gift of the best, most balanced and assured 'you' that you can. Good for you!

I can totally relate to just feeling deep down that you have to work on you just now - that you don't want to make any decisions while feeling vulnerable and that you have to concentrate on putting some of the pieces back into place before having anything to offer someone else or want some else in your life.

I am in exactly the same place, and it feels hard. But when it feels scary and somewhat overwhelming I remind myself of the chaos, insanity, utter frustration and totally painful devaluation that he aimed at me... .and I realise that the quite contemplative phase of my life is exactly what I need just now... .and I remind myself that I managed to stand the pain he threw at me so I can surely manage the pain just now of working through all this in my head and heart, knowing it makes me stronger and more likely to choose someone emotionally healthy next time.

'The only way out the pain in through it.' I say this to myself a lot these days.

Good luck and keep going. You're not alone.   

Compassion14

[Compassion14]

That should have read; 'The only way out this pain is through it.'   

[enlighten me]

The sad truth is she probably is having the time of her life. Just like she was when you got together.

It is fleeting. Her mask has yet to slip and her insecurities have been buried. In time the mask will slip and her insecurities will come to the surface and the cycle will continue.

Only she can stop the cycle and until she does there will be a trail of people like you left in her destructive wake.

[Blimblam]

Rising sun

Only people that have been through this experience can understand. Or people that have been held captive and brainwashed.  People that have been through breakups think try understand but they have no idea. The need to want to explain yourself to them feeds back into the abuse loop that has been implanted in your mind like poison through inception.  Ever see the movie inception?  Remember the guy with the woman in his mind destroying it? 

Only people that have gone through it and loved deeply enough to get really hurt understand.  People fear what they don't understand then seek to control it through projecting their own ego in an attempt to control.  Society is in denial about psychological abuse because it is ingrained in the culture as a means to control.  Healing from trauma of this intensity takes a lot of time and energy. Creating the space to heal is key.  It is an incredibly difficult journey litteraly the stuff of legends. Please give yourself the gift of patience.

[RisingSun]

Thank you for your words of encouragement and support.

I'm realizing what upset me the most, after hearing about her Facebook post, wasn't just about her being with OM and having the time of her life. It's more complicated than that (I guess it always is when dealing with these folk).

She may not be happy within herself or with OM. Regardless, that doesn't change the fact that she ripped a dream / life out from underneath me. I find that I'm more upset about the fact she stole a huge part of my life and headed for the hills (literally). She took a lot more than my heart along with her.

Here's the kicker and where I get stuck. I don't want to play the role of the victim but I'm having a hard time letting this one go. My xw took our cabin and land up in the mountains (and our dog, I love that guy more than her). Xw is now living up in what used to be our mountain retreat. I worked my a$$ off to create/build this life she is now living. She's tramping all over my favorite place on the planet, with her new man. All the trails and streams we used to visit. The waterfalls we would swim in. Hanging out watching the sunset on our deck in the evening. This was my life and now it's gone. She's now sharing this life with someone else who had nothing to do with building this life for her. This bum is now sleeping in my bed. Enjoying the views I would wake up to. The sounds of the insects at night and the birds in the morning. I miss that place so much it makes me ache.

So when I hear about her "having the time of her life" I'm struck with the realization that this was the life I helped her build. She would have never been able to create this life without my love, devotion, sweat and blood. But she sure didn't hesitate to run with it and have "the time of her life". And I'm left in the city forced to find a quite spot to grieve.

Sorry for the sob story. It's just really hitting me hard today.

[enlighten me]

Yes it is the broken dreams that hurt the most.

My ex gf was an old gf from 24 years ago. We ended well and at the time there was no sign of her BPD.

This was the woman that I compared every other woman to afterwards. It was always a dream to one day meet up with her and start again from where we had left off and have the happily ever after. The reality was a lot different. Where at first she was the sweet, fun loving caring girl that I had once known and reminisced about fondly she then turned into the nightmare that I now know.

I think this is the hardest part for me. The realisation that a lifetime of dreams was nothing more than a lie.

[Blimblam]

I feel your pain man.  I'm sorry vent away. This is a safe place.  Very few things hurt like this. It's psychological death over and over, cancer of the psyche. The struggle is insanity, when the pain sinks down into your body like a black hole of destruction where your heart used to be then you can surrender to the somatic sensations and process it by accepting defeat.  It wil quite literally bring you to your knees and into a fetal position.  This is the true meaning of the fetal position in yoga the death and rebirth. This is the kneeling on the floor and bowing down in religious prayer in many religions it is symbolic of this experience. The standing back up portion after the kneeling is the journey you are going to experience. It is incredibly painfull.  My heart goes out to you.

[Infern0]

The shattered dreams do suck.

I had this image of the future in my head, one that we had planned and committed to,  it was everything i ever wanted,  it was right there in front of me.  I've said it before "the perfect life with the perfect person" and for a while there I was so, so happy. Euphoric. I'm a worrier by nature and suddenly I didn't worry anymore,  it was just such a feeling of pure contentment.

Then the veil shattered and you get spat back into reality and realize you have to literally put your life back together, and that it'll probably never quite live up to that dream you let yourself belive in. 

Mine was a simple dream,  to just hold her in my arms on a cold Christmas day in front of the fire and know she was truly happy.

That's a dream that will never happen. But it fuelled my life for a minute there and I had more drive and passion for it than anything else.

Sad.

[allibaba]

Thank you Perfidy. That's what I'm focusing on, self study. I work, read, write, get plenty of exercise/yoga, alone time and sleep. That's all I have right now.

It's what feels healthy and like the right thing to do.

I lost a life dream when I lost my wife. She took everything I worked so hard to create. So I'm left without much direction.

RisingSun,

We all move on differently.  Some people go out and date, party, lose weight, buy new clothing... .Some people draw inwards to reflect, mend etc.  With my ex, I try to focus less on him and where he is at and more on me.  Your friend meant well but obviously she doesn't understand your coping style.  You are only accountable to yourself... .your gut tells you where you need to be and what you need to be doing.  Your plan of recovery sounds wonderful to me   Be proud of yourself for what you are doing right now.

that doesn't change the fact that she ripped a dream / life out from underneath me. I find that I'm more upset about the fact she stole a huge part of my life and headed for the hills (literally). She took a lot more than my heart along with her.

Here's the kicker and where I get stuck. I don't want to play the role of the victim but I'm having a hard time letting this one go. My xw took our cabin and land up in the mountains (and our dog, I love that guy more than her). Xw is now living up in what used to be our mountain retreat. I worked my a$$ off to create/build this life she is now living. She's tramping all over my favorite place on the planet, with her new man. All the trails and streams we used to visit. The waterfalls we would swim in. Hanging out watching the sunset on our deck in the evening. This was my life and now it's gone. She's now sharing this life with someone else who had nothing to do with building this life for her. This bum is now sleeping in my bed. Enjoying the views I would wake up to. The sounds of the insects at night and the birds in the morning. I miss that place so much it makes me ache.

I am SO sorry.  I know that my ex feels the same way that you described above.  I kept our house with 25 acres in the country, our dogs, and our child.  I kept our dream.  Through an amicable settlement and some small additional financial support, I helped him buy a house so that at least he wasn't completely out in the cold.  But still... .I know he feels like I am living everything that he ever wanted and am moving on.  I didn't hook up with someone else but he can see that I am flourishing without him... .(now don't feel bad for him for too long, he made SOME VERY BAD CHOICES that led him to today)... .

I moved to another country for my ex. I left a home that I literally loved.  I don't regret it... .its what I needed to do.  When we broke up, I felt so incredibly alone and grief stricken that I had given up so much for him.  One night it hit me - I can rebuild that life.  I am not stuck.  I am young and healthy.  Can you rebuild what you loved -- but this time do it for you?

[Caredverymuch]

Thank you for your words of encouragement and support.

I'm realizing what upset me the most, after hearing about her Facebook post, wasn't just about her being with OM and having the time of her life. It's more complicated than that (I guess it always is when dealing with these folk).

She may not be happy within herself or with OM. Regardless, that doesn't change the fact that she ripped a dream / life out from underneath me. I find that I'm more upset about the fact she stole a huge part of my life and headed for the hills (literally). She took a lot more than my heart along with her.

Here's the kicker and where I get stuck. I don't want to play the role of the victim but I'm having a hard time letting this one go. My xw took our cabin and land up in the mountains (and our dog, I love that guy more than her). Xw is now living up in what used to be our mountain retreat. I worked my a$$ off to create/build this life she is now living. She's tramping all over my favorite place on the planet, with her new man. All the trails and streams we used to visit. The waterfalls we would swim in. Hanging out watching the sunset on our deck in the evening. This was my life and now it's gone. She's now sharing this life with someone else who had nothing to do with building this life for her. This bum is now sleeping in my bed. Enjoying the views I would wake up to. The sounds of the insects at night and the birds in the morning. I miss that place so much it makes me ache.

So when I hear about her "having the time of her life" I'm struck with the realization that this was the life I helped her build. She would have never been able to create this life without my love, devotion, sweat and blood. But she sure didn't hesitate to run with it and have "the time of her life". And I'm left in the city forced to find a quite spot to grieve.

Sorry for the sob story. It's just really hitting me hard today.

I'm sorry RisingSun.  We, here most certainly understand how you feel. You have every right to feel the way you do.

Although I wasn't married to my expBPD, I loved him in the way you would love a spouse, very much so.  He moved right on as well. While I was just grieving beyond belief.  Could barely function. In such pain. And he surely looked happy to everyone else too.  That's the most hurtful common denominator  for us, isn't it?  It's hard enough to be abruptly left after such an intensely, deep, loving r/s. Seeing how quickly they move on was the punch in the stomach I NEVER anticipated.  Beyond cruel.

It is the disorder at work.  We all know that and we know why they need to move on. And we know they are living a facade.  We know they are empty and have no identity of their own.  We know how their moods cycle. And we know what's to come for the replacement.  

What's so hard is that WE are not disordered. We don't think or act the way they do.  And we have all these genuine emotions.  Very real emotions that we are left to feel and deal with.  It's like hurt upon hurt.  

For me, seeing how my expBPD moved on and never looked back. As you say, having the time of his life. Made me feel, and still does, that our r/s never happened.  That he just blinked and erased me. As if nothing we experienced together meant a thing to him. As if I didn't mean a thing to him.  To be erased and replaced felt excruciating.  I often wondered how someone SO needy and vulnerable and waif like could just turn the page like that and become this stronger person.  Of course I do understand it's the disorder, once again, and I know the real truth.  But, it still hurts none the less.

I admire you all here on these boards.  No one really understands the depth of destruction these ppl imploded on us unless experienced. I still have hard days. Today was one of them for me as well.

It makes absolutely no sense to me. How the man that I loved did this to me. And just moved on as if I never existed. Even though I know the disorder inside and out. At the end of the day, we are human and we have been deeply hurt by someone we loved with all that we were.

That's very real.  And I truly do understand how you feel.

Keep seeing your t and posting here.  Keep gathering support and as hard as it is, depersonalize the behaviors. Remind everyone that you do not want to know what your ex is up to.  Facebook is indeed not reality.

You are strong and doing all the things you should.

We fall 53 times and get up 54.  BPD is just horrific.

[RisingSun]

Thank you all for being so supportive. Your comments have helped me gain a clearer perspective.

We all have lost a dream when our disordered partners left. Whether that dream was something tangible or not makes no difference. It hurts just the same.

[Popcorn71]

that doesn't change the fact that she ripped a dream / life out from underneath me. I find that I'm more upset about the fact she stole a huge part of my life and headed for the hills (literally). She took a lot more than my heart along with her.

I worked my a$$ off to create/build this life she is now living.

This was my life and now it's gone. She's now sharing this life with someone else who had nothing to do with building this life for her.

So when I hear about her "having the time of her life" I'm struck with the realization that this was the life I helped her build. She would have never been able to create this life without my love, devotion, sweat and blood. But she sure didn't hesitate to run with it and have "the time of her life". And I'm left in the city forced to find a quite spot to grieve.

I feel exactly the same.  My ex is benefiting from all the hard work I put in for our life.  The replacement has nothing to contribute and is just being handed everything I worked for without any effort being put in.  It is so unfair and this is what bugs me most.  I feel well and truely ripped off.

But I remind myself that my ex could not have had all that he has now without my help.  He was not capable of it by himself.  Now, I believe he is being drained by the replacement who appears to be out for what she can get.  So I know that eventually, he will lose it all and will probably feel like I do now.  What goes around comes around.  Time is all it will take.

So maybe your ex is enjoying life now - but remember, it probably won't last.  But you can go on and build the life you want, because you are capable of that.