Noticing how he really was so different from who he was at the beginning

If I'm being completely honest I am realizing my ex was so different at the end and I think the last 7 months once he started gambling it started to go down hill fast. My ex was great the first 5 months almost but then we got into crazy little fights over nothing at all. Now I really it was his BPD looking for the negative or just because he couldn't handle things to be too good for too long. Then we would almost always be breaking up and making up and went on amazing trips in between. He was likely cheating throughout our time together. I can't believe how needy they are for attention. He would make me go with him on taxi cab rides because that was his job for a little while. I dated such a loser. and when we went to hotels that I mostly paid for he would make me go to the pool with him when I didn't even want to swim because he didn't want to go alone. We got into a fight about it. I was tired and wanted to relax in the room. He morphed into a worse version of the man I met at the beginning. and I turned a blind eye because he had my love. I am still so hurt by what he did and that he never even apologized or said anything. When I know that wouldn't of mattered . He is a liar and he wasn't sorry. He was sorry he got caught. I feel so cheated out of the man I was sold at the beginning. The Man I thought I knew. Now I have to suffer because of someone else's mental health issues and someone else's piss poor character. I am mad at myself thinking he was something he clearly wasn't. All the signs were there and I ignored them because I loved him and thought what we had was real. I saw he had no money saved, I saw the debt pilling up on his credit cards, I saw that he was going from job to job. I saw the gambling addiction . I saw his rages, and selfishness, jealously, controlling, ways. But because I didn't see his cheating and lying and manipulation I stayed. Because despite being a guy who couldn't seem to get it together I thought we had a real love. I wish I would of listened better to my gut and my family and friends and clients . There were great parts of this guy. We had a lot of wonderful times and we were so close when we were together which was everyday . So I thought that was solid and real. But he did that with others and now I see he was the worst guy I ever dated. They are only out for themselves and they don't care for us . Not in a deep way that would require them to be accountable for hurting us if they did.



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