Looking for help dont knwo where to start

[lakaos]

My wife has bpd. It is damaging our relationship.
She seems to be two people.
One person is great the other seems to not care about anything and it causes problems because it leads to her doing things she shouldnt.

She also seems to forget what the other side of her has done.

I have no clue where to start with getting help

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tsunami Sailor]

I think I would start by going to couples counseling, if she would be agreeable to that.

[starryeyed]

I would recommend your own counseling first before couple's counseling.  You cannot change the pwBPD, you can only change yourself.  Lowering your own expectations of them. 

If counseling is not an option, there are books available on this site as well that can help.

[Ozzie101]

Let me join Tsunami and starryeyed in saying welcome!

You've found a safe and supportive community here full of people who can understand what you're going through.

We have a lot of articles and workshops on this site that can be a big help. They're under the tabs at the top of this page and on our Tools and skills workshops page in the forums. And if you haven't already, I'd recommend the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It was a HUGE help to me in understanding my husband.

I hope you don't mind if I ask a couple of questions but knowing more details can really help us help you better. First of all, has your wife been diagnosed with BPD and has she had any therapy?

When you feel like it, I hope you'll share more details of your relationship (and what behaviors of hers are damaging it). As I said, the more we know, the more we can help.