weak moment

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

bn good all week and weekend now i am having a weak moment and it sux my exBPDbf is permantly engrained in my head i hate it i know i am doing the right thing being nc why is it so hard i just want him out of my head i loved him too much i think i miss him  :'(

[Butterfly03]

bn good all week and weekend now i am having a weak moment and it sux my exBPDbf is permantly engrained in my head i hate it i know i am doing the right thing being nc why is it so hard i just want him out of my head i loved him too much i think i miss him  :'(

[infamous]

i feel exactly the same way 24hrs a day she is in my head

i when i dream about her i wake up everynight

knowing she is with someone else who i know and everyone says is lesser quality than i am

makes me feel i am not good enough

i never thought i was she was so good looking i didnt know why she was interested in me

hang in there just know there are other going through the exact same thing be strong

[Tippy]

hey butterfly,

You miss him, you think about him... . Just sit with these feelings and they will eventually dissapate.  You have been doing brilliantly butterfly, just take these times as they are, just blips in your recovery.  They will happen sweetheart and it stinks when it does.  Cry if you can and just let the emotion out.  Keep on that yellow brick road, its hard, no one said it was easy.  You are on the recovery process, keep going, it will get better. x

[recovering]

Be kind to yourself.

What do you think you miss?  Mom always used to tell me, make a list honey. Be honest. List all the good things, list all the bad things.  See how they weigh out together.  Believe you deserve the best and take a hard long look at that list.

I keep mine in my briefcase.  Some of the bad things are so bad.  No one with self respect would put up with it.

We deserve better.

Make a list and hang in there.  I know how you feel, but it passes.  

[turtlesoup]

We all go thru this, I go thru it several times a week, then I think about all the silent treatments, attacks, and the fact she is mentally ill and no relationship with her will ever work or any relationship for her will ever work.

But its normal to miss some of the good times especially soon after a break up, these are the highs and lows we have to ride. I find it very difficult knowing that one phone call would be all it would take to spend an evening with her, but I also know I would be back enmeshed, nothing will have changed, she will still write love letters to ex's, she will eventually treat me like crap... .nothing has changed, the reasons you left still stand. Try to take some pride in your NC, like you are fighting, because this is a fight, summon up that spirit and be proud that you havent and refused to yield over things that are important to you. Remember what he/she did.

[Butterfly03]

THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS!    I dont know whats wrong with me  ? I stayed at my girlfriends all weekend because my son was with his father I have come home tonight with my boy got him to bed and now my head wont stop with so many questions in my head... .to me it is incomprehendable how quickly they can move onto someone and idealise them in the way they do it just does my head in and kills my heart to know that the one i loved so genuinely for four years is with someone else... .Turtlesoup I'm in the same situation as you I know as a fact that if I broke NC right now and called my exBPDbf he'll be asking me down to his place to stay even though he has a new girl... .I also went NC out of respect of the new girl he was sending me messages when we were just friends that you just don't do when you are in a relationship... .it's the good times I miss we were so so so similar with all of our interests it was uncanny... .camping, the beach, surfing, our music - Thats what I miss - the other pea in the pod  :'( 

[2010]

Traumatic relationships infect us with doubt.  It's easier to think about the good times!  Try to write down at least five things that were really BAD. You might find that the list just keeps growing and growing... .then place the dates. You might find that the calendar shows a Honeymoon period in the beginning and then the bad just keeps getting worse.  Surprisingly, the calendar might fill with bad memories- and the good gets a day or two.  Percentage-wise, you might find it's 70/30 on the ratio. Not good.

[2010]

It's possible that the new target has fallen in love with you. Your music, your personality, like, dislikes- he's stolen it all from you.  For most of the Cluster B disorders, there is a lack of well defined self. They improvise and steal by mirroring and pretending to like the same things you do. That's why the falling in love experience is so strong and soul satisfying for the target. It's a choreographed seduction of giving you what you've always wanted in a mate. But its a false self they portray. In fact, there may have been a previous girlfriends personality that he used to entice you... .

[Butterfly03]

oh gez 2010 its a funny thing you say what you have... .one of the last conversations i had was when he was at his girlfriends house I called not knowing he was there and he answered I noted that there was Kenny Rogers playing in the background... .I thought that is bizarre and i said "is that Kenny Rogers?" and laughed he seemed so much not like him... .he replied "yes his cool!"  I asked ":)oes Vanessa like it?" he replied "Yep" I sorta clicked then that he is so much in an acting phase with this new girl... .he has never listened to Kenny Rogers in his life! I read somewhere that they are like chameleons... .they change according to their victim

[2010]

Yes, they change like the weather. It's a perverse, exhausting way to live.  You and I have likes and dislikes, but they "borrow," and it's all to seduce.  Most of the charade gets uncovered around 3-4 months in a new relationship. They cant keep it going for longer than that because they parrot things and cannot remember much (after all, it's your personality they are using- not their own)

The more you stay out of the picture, the more this whole thing will fall apart with the new target. At that point, he'll increase the re-engaging- so be prepared- or he'll go on to the new target.  Dont be upset by his not returning to you- they are the biggest cowards- and not returning for round two isnt because you aren't beautiful and funny and everything else wrapped up in one package- it's because they cant remember who they said *they* were when they originally met you. That's frightening to them to have to go back and re-new the relationship based on your memory. They cant remember what they said.

One of the things that these relationships do show you though- is how great you really are. Somebody will come along and see that- and they'll be true. You just have to get this faker out of the way.

[turtlesoup]

It's possible that the new target has fallen in love with you. Your music, your personality, like, dislikes- he's stolen it all from you.  For most of the Cluster B disorders, there is a lack of well defined self. They improvise and steal by mirroring and pretending to like the same things you do. That's why the falling in love experience is so strong and soul satisfying for the target. It's a choreographed seduction of giving you what you've always wanted in a mate. But its a false self they portray. In fact, there may have been a previous girlfriends personality that he used to entice you... .

This is absolutely true and it pains me to admit it. The guy before me was a vegetarian and liked certain bands, then she did, she took his beliefs and his annoying habits as well as his good things and in effect, i was having a reltionship, in part, with her ex!

Her new boyf will be dating me. Its creepy.