He Doesn't Even Know

[ve01603]

Something that I have thought of many times and I have never put it into words, but he was not really there for all of the relationship and has no idea how bad he really treated me because he blacked out many times per week.  

He probably does not remember half of the abuse.  I think that some of the times that he did something awful and then called the next morning like nothing happened was because he did not remember what happened!  I am sure that he thinks that I made some of this stuff up.

It is no excuse and he is dangerous but I wonder if any of you had a similar experience.

Also, very shortly after he starts drinking, he turns into a monster.  Without me there to difuse it, he is sure to get into serious trouble.  I pray that he does not hurt or kill someone.

[Arla]

Wow, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I can only imagine how you must have felt.   

My experience isn't similar at all. Still, I think that although he remembers everything that happened, he seems to remember it differently to the way I remember it. His perspective seems to cloud his memory a lot.

[Clearmind]

Ve, sorry to hear about that. I had a father who was a drunk. He would mentally and physically abuse the family. As an adult I have confronted my father about his antics and he knows what he did. He may not remember it all but knows some of it.

My BPDex was not a drinker because he knew it made him rage - he was absuive though despite the alcohol and true to BPD form I think they do block at any rate - whether alcohol is involved or not.

You BPD ex may or may not remember the full impact of his episodes (abusive people dont) but all you can do is keep yourself safe. You cannot be responsible for his actions. No concern for others is easier said than done though... .

Him not wanting to admit to what he does is the whole reason why he drinks... .

[2010]

Without me there to defuse it, he is sure to get into serious trouble.

Let him get into trouble. He's got to become responsible for himself. He's never going to take responsibility for his actions if you keep playing good/bad mommy. You must turn your back and let go. Only then will you have the possibility of having the adult to adult relationship that you desire and not the parent/child dynamic that's in play.