notgivingup, Hi! (I like your name)
I want off this roller coaster.
Good. That rollercoaster will continue to run up hills of hope and fall into valleys of uncertainty. Last night you reached a pinnacle- if only for a moment, where for a split second you took a look around with your head above the clouds and reached clarity. This person that you wanted to count on could not be counted on- and for no good reason! You see, if you hadn't had your best friend's crisis and weren't faced with tough circumstances, you may have continued down again on the rollercoaster into the valley of "not sure why" only to get filled up with "hope" again and then back down into "not sure why," etc. etc. over and over and over.
Your beloved best friend is showing you something that's very important for happiness. You are there for her comfort and needs, but who is there for yours? Especially when you need it most? That is a fine gift of clarity to receive from a dear old friend who loves you and wants the best for you. And when you reach this moment of clarity, it really does give you the power to get away from the cycle of hope and uncertainty to make a decision that you are certain about. You are certain! You don't need to argue about it.
You can begin by taking back the energy that you once directed outwardly into lost objects in "hope." Whether you wish to admit it or not, your energy has been lost in a person who does not reciprocate it as he should- he only takes. What you need now is to place a stop on that energy drain and direct it toward yourself. You'll need it for the coming months as you prioritize.
You don't need to tackle a move right now if your work load at school is too severe. What you need instead are boundaries that are non-negotiables. Taking back the energy you give from self centered people is impossible, so let go of past failures. Your plans to focus on yourself can create a bargaining atmosphere- you don't want that. You owe no explanation for your inwardly directed focus- only respect. Give yourself respect first and take nothing less from others. You'll soon feel less anxious about your priorities.
In order to help with the boundaries, make a list of priorities like those found in Covey's Quadrants:
www.dkeener.com/keenstuff/priority.html Quadrant I - Important and Urgent
Quadrant II - Important but Not Urgent
Quadrant III - Not Important but Urgent
Quadrant IV - Not Important and Not Urgent
As you look through these, I think you'll agree that your best friend's needs are QI: important and urgent.
Or you can use the ABC method, it ranks tasks into three categories:
A = vital
B = important
C = nice
Your pets needs are vital. To be comforted is all three, vital, important and nice. This is a non-negotiable, so don't argue with someone who defends against this. You are right to walk away from any person who chooses to determine your priorities for you and then makes you feel badly for it.
If things get rocky, then by all means necessary find a new place. The board will be here for you when you need support.
I hope your best friend has a safe passage. Having you in her life means everything and she must know how much you care. You have each other at the moment, and loss will occur when you least expect it- but you'll know you did the best you could and she had a happy, wonderful life- filled with joy and surrounded by people who loved her. Now, it's time for you.
