Jealousy

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

hey guys,

I have been dealing with this issue for quite a long time and I am now in a 7 month long relationship with this amazing girl. My problem is that I have a touch of jealousy and possessiveness that I have been controlling up until this point. Letting my partner go out and do things on a normal basis like partying, clubbing, restaurants, bars. All of these things a year or 2 ago I could not even fathom but now I am in a better place but still I find myself having the same feelings and I really do not like it.

I was in a relationship for 3 years with my ex BPDgf who cheated on me and I have had control issues before that as well stemming to parent trust issues but I understand what my triggers are I just want to know ways to cope.

I do not want to control my partner or cause her to feel controlled... . and I also dont want to feel these feelings of jealousy and resentment.

Right now I can t even look at my gf's facebook without getting feelings of resentment or jealousy ( So i have tended to avoid it and just talk to her and trust whatever she tells me)

Has anybody felt this way and what do you do when you get them. How do you cope or better yet work through it. I do not want to be this type of person and so far I am amazed I have lasted this long because my current relationship is a LDR with me in america and her in france.

[Confuzzled104]

hey guys,

I have been dealing with this issue for quite a long time and I am now in a 7 month long relationship with this amazing girl. My problem is that I have a touch of jealousy and possessiveness that I have been controlling up until this point. Letting my partner go out and do things on a normal basis like partying, clubbing, restaurants, bars. All of these things a year or 2 ago I could not even fathom but now I am in a better place but still I find myself having the same feelings and I really do not like it.

I was in a relationship for 3 years with my ex BPDgf who cheated on me and I have had control issues before that as well stemming to parent trust issues but I understand what my triggers are I just want to know ways to cope.

I do not want to control my partner or cause her to feel controlled... . and I also dont want to feel these feelings of jealousy and resentment.

Right now I can t even look at my gf's facebook without getting feelings of resentment or jealousy ( So i have tended to avoid it and just talk to her and trust whatever she tells me)

Has anybody felt this way and what do you do when you get them. How do you cope or better yet work through it. I do not want to be this type of person and so far I am amazed I have lasted this long because my current relationship is a LDR with me in america and her in france.

[LoveNotWar]

Good job noticing and naming your feelings as well as wanting to manage them in a responsible mature way. That's a great first step! 

Have you discussed your feelings with your gf? Not like hey I'm jealous so you have to stop partying but more like I'm struggling with these feelings and I don't want to be that guy but sometimes I just feel like this.

LNW

[Confuzzled104]

Absolutely... . at first I was afraid of how she would take it since I am really her first serious relationship and she is 21 and I am 22 going on my 4th serious relationship. She understands to some extent, but she has never really experienced being on the receiving end so she really can only understand as much as I tell her. I hope she never does but for me I just had a moment of jealousy when I was looking at pictures of her on facebook. There was nothing that indicated cheating or lying just her having a great time and for some reason I felt jealous, anxiety like she was having more fun without me... . I hate feeling like that because i know it is irrational and I trust my girlfriend completely.

Right now I just avoid looking at her facebook completely because I dont want to feel that way and I am just curious if there is anything else I can do to work on this issue since I am basically setting limitations on myself to avoid that feeling to come back instead of working through it.

Regards,

Confuzzled

[Surnia]

Hi Confuzzled104

I agree with you, being jealous is not only about the fear she may cheating.

What about dig a bit deeper about your fears?

for some reason I felt jealous, anxiety like she was having more fun without me.

So its perhaps about your own self worthiness. Feeling not interesting, funny, ... . you name it, enough.

For me being jealous has a lot to do with comparing. And i think its a difficult topic, so  for you to face it.