i am no longer brainwashed by her controlling dominance that she had over me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It has been many years since i last came to this forum - racking my brains - in tears - scared - ashamed, abused ---- thinking I could figure it out - fix it - make it all good - well - I left her - my wife of 16 years was a sufferer of BPD -- and when i decided to finally leave her - the ~ hit the fan like never before - which was more proof that I needed to be away from that relationship and. that it would never be a healthy loving relationship

it has been nearly 3 full years - and although the scars are still evident - and the pain has not gone away - the clarity that i did the right thing gets more and more clear each day

most of all - i am no longer brainwashed by her controlling dominance that she had over me - i have regained my mind - my own thoughts - my self respect - she took that all away from me and broke all boundaries - i let her to the most hideous things - and still kept coming back for more -- not anymore - i am a new man - i have a whole life ahead of me still - and to anyone that is stuck in the middle of this ~ty type of relationship - where it is all about her/him - and the abuse never stops -- GET OUT - SAVE YOURSELF - REBUILD YOUR LIFE

i couldn't accpet this type of advice - I thought i was in love -- but it was not love - it was a sick co-dependency - i was in love with only a helpless segment of that person that had not control over her own body and mind - and that control will never be relinquished by this wicked disease.

GET OUT - SAVE YOURSELF - REBUILD YOUR LIFE

oh - and in Canada - when you divorce ---  the reward to keeping a person alive and supporting them and doing everything you can possible do to improve their life for 16 years makes you responsible for their welfare far beyond the divorce ---

get good advice - keep your cool - refuse to the let your emotions control the proceedings - protect yourself - i almost went crazy and paid a lot of money to keep ~ getting out of control and i let my emotions control me - and i paid dearly for it.

i can happily say that it is all over and I luckily escaped with my life and a bit of sanity.

[still_standing]

It has been many years since i last came to this forum - racking my brains - in tears - scared - ashamed, abused ---- thinking I could figure it out - fix it - make it all good - well - I left her - my wife of 16 years was a sufferer of BPD -- and when i decided to finally leave her - the ~ hit the fan like never before - which was more proof that I needed to be away from that relationship and. that it would never be a healthy loving relationship

it has been nearly 3 full years - and although the scars are still evident - and the pain has not gone away - the clarity that i did the right thing gets more and more clear each day

most of all - i am no longer brainwashed by her controlling dominance that she had over me - i have regained my mind - my own thoughts - my self respect - she took that all away from me and broke all boundaries - i let her to the most hideous things - and still kept coming back for more -- not anymore - i am a new man - i have a whole life ahead of me still - and to anyone that is stuck in the middle of this ~ty type of relationship - where it is all about her/him - and the abuse never stops -- GET OUT - SAVE YOURSELF - REBUILD YOUR LIFE

i couldn't accpet this type of advice - I thought i was in love -- but it was not love - it was a sick co-dependency - i was in love with only a helpless segment of that person that had not control over her own body and mind - and that control will never be relinquished by this wicked disease.

GET OUT - SAVE YOURSELF - REBUILD YOUR LIFE

oh - and in Canada - when you divorce ---  the reward to keeping a person alive and supporting them and doing everything you can possible do to improve their life for 16 years makes you responsible for their welfare far beyond the divorce ---

get good advice - keep your cool - refuse to the let your emotions control the proceedings - protect yourself - i almost went crazy and paid a lot of money to keep ~ getting out of control and i let my emotions control me - and i paid dearly for it.

i can happily say that it is all over and I luckily escaped with my life and a bit of sanity.

[Surnia]

still_standing

great you found your way out. Out of anxiety and co-dependence. I just reread your first post from 2008. You are definitely now on a different point!  

When the rs is completely unhealthy or abusive and only build with fear and co-dependency, it is time to change something.

- the clarity that i did the right thing gets more and more clear each day

Can you tell us what helped you to make the step out of co-dependency?

About the law/divorce: I had to face the same like you as a now divorced only-breadwinner here in my country, its not only canada. It is annoying but most of the time I am just happy that I have my life back.

[finallyangry]

Still_Standing

I appreciate that you posted an update for everyone. I think that we all benefit from hearing success stories of getting someone with BPD out of our lives no matter who that person is (wife, sister, mother etc).

I did want to ask one question. Do you feel that you have any residual issues from your relationship that have effected you in future relationships?  I post here because my mother has BPD, NPD, and ASPD. I know that I have some residual stuff but I also dont have her completely out of my life yet. Just wanted to know if you felt that part of things was helped by going NC.

Congrats again on your strength!