Do BPDs forget important dates, OH like your birthday for instance?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

This was what broke the camels back. I mean to forget a Birthday is a pretty important thing. Never in all my years have i ever had this happen to me. Maybe Im wrong but I blame it on the fact that shes juggling a little to much on her plate. and god knows what that was. There were other things also, not just the Birthday. Any feedback on this?

[ricky rick]

This was what broke the camels back. I mean to forget a Birthday is a pretty important thing. Never in all my years have i ever had this happen to me. Maybe Im wrong but I blame it on the fact that shes juggling a little to much on her plate. and god knows what that was. There were other things also, not just the Birthday. Any feedback on this?

[myself]

Not sure this would be a common pattern to pwBPD or not.

My ex remembered birthdays and dates for things very well, names, places, etc. Very good memory. Selective at times, but... .  Could she choose to not share birthdays, holidays, important one-time-only life events? To not acknowledge them at all except by withdrawing physically and into silence? That was also something she could do.

Each story's different, though. Sometimes you just can't help remembering.

[Wimowe]

On the morning of my birthday, my uBPDxgf went to an early morning yoga class followed by brunch with someone she'd just met (and has never seen again afaik). I asked her to meet me at the train as a birthday gift when I returned from a business trip -- she refused, accusing me of demanding that she cancel a psychotherapy session.  We visited friends who put me to work helping them build a stone wall (I would guess she hadn't mentioned to them that it was my birthday). She was surly and passive aggressive during the much of the time we did spend together.

One of the worst birthdays I've ever had!

[seeking balance]

I can see how this would hurt your feelings... .  but I am not sure where it would fall into the BPD criteria... .  perhaps simply who she is.

Sorry

[Jay08]

My ex remembered EVERYTHING. Literally. Everything. The exact time we made it official. My birthday before i knew it was coming. The first time we did anything.

And shed always question me about it too.

[healing_orlando]

My BPD mother would not exactly forget my birthday when I was a child, but she would certainly not care enough to do anything special about it either... .  Instead, the day would be spent yelling at me for not properly cleaning my room (when it was always spotless), or some other pointless meaningless rage. It's all about them.  It was never about you!  I am so sorry this happened to you.

[mnwushu89]

My ex BPD gf forgot my birthday. Not sure if it was BPD related or not but it did hurt considering like we all know, if roles werw reversed the BPD would be livid if we forgot or didn't care. I called her out and she apologized but got mad i brought it up because I knew what she was dealing with. We had our last and most recent episode today. I am letting her go and refuse to go back. The way she raged I had a lightbulb moment and realized this was not ok and I put up with too much. Going to be a long road to recovery but I'm ready and worth it

[gina louise]

My parents made me (a late May b-day) WAIT until my sisters birthday(late July) to celebrate together. Otherwise it wasn't "fair"  FAIR? to whom?

I never had a birthday party of my own as a child.

Knowing this... .  My then bf (later H) made every birthday celebration weeks after the fact for ME... .  but for his b-day we went out and had cake/dinner the weekend before or after. Or even the day of.

He knew it would upset me, and didn't give a flip. 

For me-He even under dressed in flip flops and shorts to a fine dining restaurant, 3 weeks late. With absolutely No remorse. The gift he gave me was even weirder than the b-day non-date. It was a necklace that looked like something his teen age son would find "cool", Not feminine or pretty at all. The chain was a dog-tag chain! No joke.

I recently found it and tossed it into the trash. It was trash.

GL

[ricky rick]

Gina louise and mnwushu89,

Im sorry to hear about how you were treated on your birthdays. It hurts! we as non's dont deserve to be treated like this. As I thought about it more, I dont think its a BPD trait or anything. What I do think is that, with having BPD, they have so much going on in their heads as we all know(the lying,cheating,manipulating,self-centeredness) that it causes them to forget or not even to give a rats ass about us. There were many red flags that I ignored but after this happened, it was the icing on the cake. I chose to be done being treated poorly.

Rick

[Eclaire5]

They do have the tendency to forget other people's special dates, but not related to memory problems. I think it's in part because of their narcissistic traits, in which their focus is them first, then them and third them! Everyone else comes later on the list of priorities.

[ricky rick]

I couldnt agree more! Who wants that in a relationship? I spent 4 years forgiving her for various things thinking she would change. It was draining. Had to let go. Wasnt easy.

[angel123]

wow, my ex ruined literally almost every single holiday and birthday one way or another since the day I met him. He once got mad at me after an argument so you know what he did? Take my birthday presents back. LOL. You almost have to laugh at it.

[ricky rick]

Angel123,

When my ex found out she forgot, (because I brought it up at the end of the day) She felt horrible and promised to make it up to me. THAT never happened!

[angel123]

Well this past Xmas was the beginning of the end for us. We got in an argument because the night before Xmas eve he thought I was sleeping with some random guy at the bar so he left me there and went home. So of course, I was rightfully angry. What kind of guy leaves their girlfriend at the  bar. When I expressed my unhappiness with this, he started to get angry and blocked me on Xmas Eve and through Xmas. It was me that had to get in touch with him. He opened the ipad he got for me and took it to work to use for himself. He claims that he bought me another one that he wanted to give me but never did. He was "waiting to get something else to give me with the IPAD since the surprise was ruined". Of course that never happened. What kind of jerk does that.

[Newton]

In my experience my ex's who have exhibited major BPD traits have had a tendency to become very triggered and dysregulated around significant anniversaries... .  and many posts here reflect that.

These times can be emotionally challenging for anyone... .  pwBPD or NPD who may have been raised in incredibly emotionally invalidating environments as children, will associate these celebratory times with past negative experiences and feelings... .  (of their own)... .  they haven't processed and progressed from these emotions.

That makes their negative feelings, behaviour... .  and OUR celebratory day about them... .  and very little to do with us... .  

[ricky rick]

I dont even want to go there with Christmas!