Flowers, pizza and cinema

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Dear everyone,

Happy New Year. I havent posted for a while. Was away in the UK with friends and family and my kids, the first trip "home" since the split was official. Well its official from me anyway, but uBPDh has not accepted it, and is veering from verbal abuse, email abuse to flirting and asking me to go back. After I left, my work situation went downhill and I realised to survive I had to take the plunge and leave my job and set up my own business, this has been a great distraction for me and very creative. I started in one room in a business centre on 7th January. He only found out through my daughter the day before, and was abusive about it, how could I not tell him, how did I find the money, and seeing as I was so rich he wouldnt pick up the kids from school anymore as I had enough money to find my own babysitter. So on the first day of my new business had to scramble friends together to help our. On the second day his Dad. On day 4 he rang my daughter in the morning on her phone and siad he would pick her up from school. It has been an exciting week but I still feel sad that he is not there to share it with me, but as he feels so inferior to me always, I couldnt have counted on him to be consistently by my side anyway.

I dont want to go back to him, but I will never forget what he said that I was leaving him to set up my own business, he still could not remember the events that led me to leave, I do think that he has some form of dementia. it hurts me so much to hear him say how he spent 12 years building a family for me to destroy it all in one fell swoop. whatever the lessons I am learning from all of you on this board, I cannot easily forgive myself for choosing a better and happier path and leaving him to wallow in misery. And the fact that he will not accept it.

[Cmjo]

Dear everyone,

Happy New Year. I havent posted for a while. Was away in the UK with friends and family and my kids, the first trip "home" since the split was official. Well its official from me anyway, but uBPDh has not accepted it, and is veering from verbal abuse, email abuse to flirting and asking me to go back. After I left, my work situation went downhill and I realised to survive I had to take the plunge and leave my job and set up my own business, this has been a great distraction for me and very creative. I started in one room in a business centre on 7th January. He only found out through my daughter the day before, and was abusive about it, how could I not tell him, how did I find the money, and seeing as I was so rich he wouldnt pick up the kids from school anymore as I had enough money to find my own babysitter. So on the first day of my new business had to scramble friends together to help our. On the second day his Dad. On day 4 he rang my daughter in the morning on her phone and siad he would pick her up from school. It has been an exciting week but I still feel sad that he is not there to share it with me, but as he feels so inferior to me always, I couldnt have counted on him to be consistently by my side anyway.

I dont want to go back to him, but I will never forget what he said that I was leaving him to set up my own business, he still could not remember the events that led me to leave, I do think that he has some form of dementia. it hurts me so much to hear him say how he spent 12 years building a family for me to destroy it all in one fell swoop. whatever the lessons I am learning from all of you on this board, I cannot easily forgive myself for choosing a better and happier path and leaving him to wallow in misery. And the fact that he will not accept it.

[ambi]

Hi Cmjo:

Happy New Year to you as well.  It sounds very exciting - setting up your own office.  Congratulations.

Mine didn't forget the reasons the marriage fell apart, he adopted them as his issues with the r/s and said that I did them to him.  After a while, I think he believes it.  I was caught up in the FOG for a while, afraid of his response, feeling like I owed him something, and definitely the guilt of leaving because I knew leaving hurt him.  It's a challenge to come to terms with those things.

It sounds like you're moving forward, though, and that's a good thing.