Sister creating chaos

[Helpisontheway]

Hello!

I am 65 years old and a widow.  My mom, also a widow, lives nearby.  I do my best to help her with chores, driving, etc.  I have one sister who is a dear and we get along well when it comes to helpling Mom.  The other sister, however, does nothing but stir the pot.  When I try to work cooperatively with her, she always ends up blaming or criticizing me.  I am at my wits' end.  What makes it worse is the Mom is always trying to get us together, not realizing the diffculty we all have being on the same page.  Sometimes I wish I could just disappear!  I have read books and articles about BPD, but I still get enmeshed or trapped in the same old hamster wheel.  Any and all suggestions would be gratefully accepted!

[Being Mindful]

Dear Helpisontheway,

Greetings and 

I'm glad you are here but sorry to hear that you are struggling with your sister. The blaming and criticizing can be so difficult to deal with. It is exhausting and does put us at our wits end.

The good news is that you have found us. There is a ton of information here to help you learn and practice skills and which can reduce conflict with your sister. Another reason I'm glad you found us is that everybody here completely understands what you are going through. It's a safe place to vent too.

This link helped me when I first started learning about BPD and the conflicts that were prevalent. Here is a link to get you started:

Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD

The following link helps to understand a skill that you can learn called SET. I use it all the time with my daughter.

How To Manage a BPD Relationship/Reducing Anger Using SET

Looking forward to learning more about your relationship with your sister.

Has she been diagnosed with BPD?

Has she suffered for years?

Being Mindful

[forgottenarm]

 

Hi Helpisontheway 

Sorry to hear about this conflict with your sister.  It sounds really familiar, though.  My mom has BPD and it causes a lot of stress in my family, even though we're all adults now with our own children.   It can be a lot to manage, but Being Mindful is right---there are a lot of ways to make things better.  This website is a treasure trove of information and support along those lines, so I'm really glad you're posting here.