therapy successes?

[Depression = 72% of members]

So it has been an interesting week. Pain freedom not feeling anything. To be honest I don't know how I feel about me and my exBPDgf finally splitting for what I think will be for good. I am questioning what we had and what was real not real all the typical questions that get askes I guess. I do know today was easier than yesterday and hope it continues to get easier.  On Tuesday when I last had contact with her she raged like I had never seen before and said some pretty hurtful things. I know it was not personal and that was the moment I woke up from the dream and realized the situation for what it was.

I have decided to seek out therapy for myself to deal with everything that has occured throughout this past year during my r/s with my exBPDgf. The therapy clinic I have sought out specializes in BPD and other personality disorders and more specifically for nons who have been affected. One thing in can bev thankful be for is my ex brought out my demons that I was trying to ignore and realize I have to work on. Another gift is using this experience to form a positive one and a path of enlightment for me.

Just curious to see who else has gotten any form of therapy and how it has helped them? Thank you all for everything over the past couple days especially and year for that matter.

[mnwushu89]

So it has been an interesting week. Pain freedom not feeling anything. To be honest I don't know how I feel about me and my exBPDgf finally splitting for what I think will be for good. I am questioning what we had and what was real not real all the typical questions that get askes I guess. I do know today was easier than yesterday and hope it continues to get easier.  On Tuesday when I last had contact with her she raged like I had never seen before and said some pretty hurtful things. I know it was not personal and that was the moment I woke up from the dream and realized the situation for what it was.

I have decided to seek out therapy for myself to deal with everything that has occured throughout this past year during my r/s with my exBPDgf. The therapy clinic I have sought out specializes in BPD and other personality disorders and more specifically for nons who have been affected. One thing in can bev thankful be for is my ex brought out my demons that I was trying to ignore and realize I have to work on. Another gift is using this experience to form a positive one and a path of enlightment for me.

Just curious to see who else has gotten any form of therapy and how it has helped them? Thank you all for everything over the past couple days especially and year for that matter.

[Take2]

Great question!  I look forward to reading the responses you get on this one.  I just started therapy again myself to try and finally work through my own issues that have allowed me to stay in the push pull of such an emotionally abusive situation for so long but I'm only on visit 2 so I don't have a success story yet!  But I will.  I know I will.  I have tried twice in the past two years to start therapy without going back either time (various reasons) - but each time I did go was to work on me. 

Thanks for posting this, I'll be watching it closely!   

[mnwushu89]

My r/s was a blessing in disguise in that sense too. Even apart from my relationship which I felt was off but stayed. I have known I have issues I need to adress but went in and out of therapy or talking to psychologists, therapists, etc but never stuck with it.  This was the boost I needed to assure I did everything I could to stop it from happening again as well as just recovering from what happened as well. My mind understands but my heart needs to catch up. Have had a lpt of mixed feelings about it all especially this week when everything came to a head. Should hear back from that clinic tomorrow about my appointment. Regardless of my future I have the mindset that your past does not define you and you choose what to become. I am breathing and will wake up to the sun shining for another day so I'm still here for a purpose. No point in wasting that time and not living my life

[Take2]

I love your attitude mnwushu89 ! 

That is where I am at at this moment in time (acknowledging how often I am influenced and swayed by my ex.)  But as I was accused of lying over something I in no way lied about for the 12 millionth time today in response to asking him a simple question, I reacted to him.  I fought back for myself instead of just agreeing like I do very often to just avoid the rage.  In response, he actually told me that this is how I always am, that I rage at him far worse than he's ever done (keep in mind here I've been truly frightened of him on multiple occasions) - and all I did today was stand up for myself that I am NOT a liar.  I'm so sick of it.  I want me back.  I'm sick sick sick of being accused of something I am not.   I am tired of arguing.

And yes - my mind has understood for a very, very long time and I have been waiting for my heart to catch up.  I'm not sure it's there yet, but I am going to go read about detaching and steps to get there.  I am tired of this... .   

And yes - I agree!  No point in wasting time and not living MY life...  

[seeking balance]

Therapy is one of the best things that I did for ME.

Facing emotions, learning to properly grieve, not repeating same patterns... .  having a safe place to really just "be me" was absolutely life changing.

Therapy only works to the degree of which we are willing to be honest.  Not all T's are created equally either - if you go and it doesn't seem a fit, that doesn't mean therapy doesn't work ... .  maybe just a new T is all that is needed.

Good luck!

[exbpdgf]

I am so lucky with my T. I started seeing her 8+ years ago, in my first year of my r/s with my (now ex) BPDgf. So I saw this T. the entire time I was in the r/s (not knowing WHY my r/s had so many problems-I thought it was me of course).  A year ago (this month!) I left my 9 year r/s with exBPDgf and my T. has helped me so much this last year, I can hardly tell you.

How? By slowly and gently to start unraveling this "mystery wrapped in a conundrum" of why I got in my r/s and why I stayed for so long (9 years!). And in dealing with the grief of it finally being over (in the midst of one hell of a year where I had a few other hard losses too). She encouraged me to use mindfulness to help me deal with my grief and post r/s PTSD-like symptoms. She has helped me understand the core issues this r/s tapped into for me. She's helping me heal my PTSD from my childhood and to explore the concept of attachment in a safe environment. Soo much more I could say, needless to say she's been at the top of my gratitude list all year!

[myself]

Sometimes I go, and I have more questions after than I had before. But in a good way. It gets me thinking about things from different angles. Sometimes I go, and wasn't sure what to talk about, feeling lost, and it turns into the best conversation of the week. Being honest is really key. If you're looking for something specific, bring it up. If you're feelings are kind of vague, and you want to understand them better, bring them up. Your dreams, your pains, worries, problems... .  Good stuff, too. It's about You. If you find the right person to be talking with, it changes your life for the better, for sure. Not that they do it for you, because they don't. They can't. It's up to You. But they can help, and guide, and share, and when you're in need of that, a good T's really great. If you can go, go.

[AmericanTemplar]

I've been going to therapy.  I've only gone to 4 sessions now, but I already feel as though it has been helpful.  I'm doing EMDR therapy, which is supposed to help people with PTSD get past trauma and not have as severe reactions to triggers.  One thing that I like about this type of therapy as well as the person that I am seeing is that on the first meeting we set goals for me and the therapy will end when I meet those goals.

Also, I agree with Seeking Balance about therapy only works if you are honest and that not all therapists are equal.  I went to a therapist at Kaiser a few years back when I was having anxiety attacks and while the therapist was a nice guy, he kinda had that Toby from The Office vibe and his methods didn't really work for me.  It kinda felt like I was paying someone to boost my self-esteem by putting positive spins on personality traits and tendencies that I felt were holding me back.  I'm too much of a skeptic for that.  I guess that might work for some though.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

[mnwushu89]

Spoke to the therapist the clinic wants me to work with today. I have my first appointment tomorrow. I am optimistic in the possible outcomes thanks to your guys stories. Today was a "ex on my mind" day. I have up and downs with  thoughts about  everything that has transpired.  Even me knowing I need help and fixing my issues is huge for me as I have mixed feelings on therapy but its something I know I need to do.

[Ex-Vamp-Slayer]

Like anything else T is part of a process. After a neglected and abused childhood I spent years re enforcing maladaptive behavior, which for me was rescuing and trying to rehabiliate waif like women. Therapy has helped me see my childhood, process it and start to learn new behaviors.

If I look at it from the perspective that I am in recovery it is something I need to do to keep a path (I go less often as I view it as a tune up now), I also work at Alon on, meditate and take care of myself.

It's like my golf swing, I spent years developing a bad swing, now I have a pro teaching me the right way to swing, but 2 or 3 lessons is not going to make the new swing. I have to go, I have to practice and I use all sorts of tools to reinforce the new swing. When I stop the old swing comes back.

Find the best therapist for you and do the work, face your feelings, be honest with them, but more importantly be honest with yourself... .