No Laughing Matter

[bb12]

At the risk of generalising, I have an emerging theory linking BPD and the absence of a sense of humour.

If something tickles my fancy, I can crack completely up! I can lose it for a solid 5 minutes bent over in a crippling fit of laughter.

Granted, this doesn't happen as often as it used to, but I am still capable of it and love it when it happens.

Thinking about my exBPD, I can't remember a single moment in our whole r/s when he did this... .  and I think an absence of self-deprication (or ability to laugh at himself) is of particular interest. I think it has something to do with the absence of a true self.

Was it the same for you guys or am I off on a tangent?



BB12

[myself]

I've noticed this, too. I was just recently missing how she and I shared inside jokes, and the more I thought about it, I saw that none of them came from her, they came from me. Not that I'm a standup comedian or something, but her sense of humor wasn't a big part of who she was. She'd watch funny movies with me sometimes but they weren't her favorites (they were 'stupid'. The 'brilliant' ones were usually darker and strange and full of pain. When she told a funny story (which was rare) it was usually someone else's story or one she'd heard somewhere, not one that had happened in her own life that she found humorous or put a funny spin on. I think about the 'good times' we shared, and wonder if those were just MY good times, and she wasn't having a good time then at all. It seems more and more likely that she wasn't really capable of it, or expressing it. 

[bb12]

It seems more and more likely that she wasn't really capable of it, or expressing it. 

Hey myself... .  Same here. Which begs the questions: in all of my previous r/ships, did I bring too much to the party? Did I project a lot of my love life?

When I think about how passive my exBPD was... .  and admit that there perhaps wasn't a lot to them... .  what does it say about me and my need to dominate or control?

We open a can of worms with observations like the one around their sense of humour. Since I posted this topic this morning, I have also thought about how little my ex ever gave me... .  gifts, books, cards. None. And when we went out, it was almost always to things I'd chosen. It wasn't the most mature or deep connection, but perhaps my loneliness in the courting period allowed me to settle for so little.

Note to self: my next b/f will make me laugh!

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[FoolishOne]

On the contrary, one of the redeeming characteristics of my BPDw was her engaging sense of humor.  That will be one of the few things that I'll truly miss.

F1

[happiness68]

F1 - same with me.  I miss my exbfBPD sense of humour.  We were on the same wavelength.  We used to laugh so much, especially the first year or so.  I remember now some of the things we used to laugh at  :'(

[FoolishOne]

It is sad isn't it? If only we could bottle up the good times and discard the bad... .  I will surely miss our mutual sense if humor... .  I thought she was the funniest chick I ever met... .  She thought I was pretty funny too.

[happiness68]

I'm sure she did.  He was always laughing at me.  Does not console you some?  It does me, as I don't believe he will find what he had with me and I really do believe that somehow some way he will realise that whether it be now or in 6 months/6 years.  I don't expect to hear from him, but the consolation of knowing that he will miss what we had.  Yes, it's very sad.  It's part of the chemistry and you don't get that with everyone.