Parenting plan advise

[hell0kitty]

Oh boy. I called it.  BPDex has been dating a guy for about 4 months.  When I heard they were dating I joked, "I hope he wants a baby".  Guess who is "accidentally" Pregnant? Yup.  I called it.  10.5 weeks along.

OK, now what worries me is the other prediction i made.  The guy she is pregnant with is from London, not the US, and does not have a perm greencard. My fear was that she would get pregnant by him and then eventually try to leave to London with him.

We go into mediation in two weeks.  Do any of you have a situation like this and know if there is wording that can be written into a parenting plan that will prevent her from leaving the country with my BFs 7 year old?  She has been so by the playbook so far, I know that is the next step not long after that baby is born in 8 months. 

Any suggestions to bring to mediation would be great.  It is time to be proactive. Thanks!

[Deb]

I don't have the situation. However, many people I know, and people on here, have a clause that the other parent can't move more than x many miles away, or out of the county. My BIL had to get court permission to move out of state with his daughter. You can word it so if she moves to London, custody transfers to your DH.

[Matt]

"Child may not be removed from State for any period of time without prior written agreement between the Parents stating the date of departure, date of return, location where Child will be, and phone number where Child can be reached."

Does the child have a passport?  Who has it?  Maybe it should be kept by the court til everything is settled.

[hell0kitty]

Mom has child's passport.  

[Matt]

Mom has child's passport.  

File a motion to get it in the court's hands so she can't take the child out of the country.

Your lawyer should know how to handle this.  If she doesn't find one who does.

[tog]

My SO and his UN/BPDstbxw are both Canadian citizens living in the US on work visas. She has the passport. There is wording in the court order that says that neither of them can move out of the county without court permission and they have to exchange the passport and permission letters if one wants to leave the country.

Sounds good, right? Think again. She took SS to Canada for vacation this summer without a letter of consent. She kept him there one week beyond the return date just to show my SO who was in charge. The reality is, had she not had the only job she could ever get that pays her so much right here in town, she could have stayed in Canada and we would have had a very expensive international custody battle on our hands.

Sorry to be discouraging and maybe it would be different if a US citizen fled to another country and took the child, vs. a Canadian citizen taking the child home... .  don't know.

[Matt]

Both the UK and Canada have very friendly relations with the US, so it might be possible to get the child back if she took the child overseas.

But it sure sounds like it could be complicated and might take a long time.

Better to secure the passport, and get a court order preventing her from taking the child out of the state for even a short time, without your agreement.

[Forward2free]

I am not sure if it is the same for you, but in Australia you can apply to the court for an order that prevents a passport being issued for a child and/or prevents a child from leaving Australia.

If there is a possibility or threat that a child may be removed from Australia, the Court can make orders which:

■ restrain the removal of the child from Australia

■ request that the Australian Federal Police (AFP) place the child’s name on the Airport Watch List, and

■ request that the AFP assist in the implementation of the order/s.

Maybe you can request something similar with your legal counsel?

[ForeverDad]

Consider the possibility that he returns to his country and she stays here with her new baby and seeks to get child support from him.

You can word it so if she moves to London, custody transfers to your DH.

I like this, but it would be very hard to accomplish, especially if she has majority parenting time.  Meanwhile, can he at least try to get equal parenting time from the court?

Due to the potential issues, I agree that the court or his lawyer should hold the passport "in safekeeping".  Also, the State Dept has a way to monitor passport applications.  One has already been issued but if it is sequestered by the court she might file for a new one claiming the old one was lost.

[hell0kitty]

I wonder if all of this passport holding etc is actually possible with just mediation?  We don't have a court date until October, that is how backed up they are.  Mandatory mediation is in a couple of weeks.  And there are no attorneys allowed at mediation, it is only the social worker and mom and dad in two separate rooms.  I'm not even allowed to go.

[Matt]

I wonder if all of this passport holding etc is actually possible with just mediation?  We don't have a court date until October, that is how backed up they are.  Mandatory mediation is in a couple of weeks.  And there are no attorneys allowed at mediation, it is only the social worker and mom and dad in two separate rooms.  I'm not even allowed to go.

This is an emergency measure to make sure the child isn't removed from the court's jurisdiction.

I think it's a common request and the court will probably grant it without even a hearing.  Just file a motion explaining the circumstances and ask the court to order the passport to be surrendered to the court.

[tog]

It may not be as easy as you think. We've had a hard time negotiating around the passport issue because stbxw has it but has not made any threats to flee or anything, so they think SO asking for it is irrational. She even refused to hand it over when he wanted it to go on vacation, but still, she has it in her possession. For a while during the early part of the case, her lawyer had possession of it, but that didn't last long.

[Matt]

If you try to work this out between the lawyers, you'll see if the other side is acting in good faith.  If they are, they'll be willing to work something out.

If they insist on keeping the passport, they're not acting in good faith.  You can tell the court as much:  "We proposed a way to work this out, but the other party insisted on keeping the passport.  There's no way to interpret that other than as an intention to leave the court's jurisdiction with the child.  So we ask that the court take the passport."

[ForeverDad]

Last summer I was contemplating a vacation in the Canadian Rockies.  I've heard many have taken vacations by train going from one picturesque stop to the next.  But I dropped the idea because my son doesn't have a passport yet.  I figured she would either oppose my vacation across the border or try to take an international vacation herself, or both.

I've had custody for nearly 2 years now but was still reluctant to get into the passport/international conflict.  I have a case pending now where I believe we'll get a lot of these issues addressed once and for all.

[tog]

BTW, up until age 16, a child only needs a birth certificate to cross the border. In theory, you are supposed to have a letter from the other parent, but I hear they don't ask about that much.