You made a difficult decison Real Lady... . congratulations on taking a stand. You will be tested and tried more than you may realize, but if you truly believe he is';t going to change and isn't going to seek therapy, then you have no alternative.
Thanks... . ... . he has flat out REJECTED any possibility that HE is ill at all... . he has told me that I am crazy... . (years ago, I agreed with him and said "I must be for staying with you as long as I have" and then we part, never to see each other again until I contacted him and we reunited almost two years ago... . He has told me that he DOES NOT love me and doesn't even like me. This actually makes it MUCH easier for me to leave. If he lies, he lies, his problem. He would be a FOOL not to love me... . we were "soulmates" and he now tells me through the "black" veil that he would choose his drugged up, emotionally and mentally ill (from abuse) adulterous wife turned lesbian (just saying that this was a slap in his face; nothing against those who choose that lifestyle) that left him and had a baby before they were divorced. It is obvious to me that HE DOES NOT DESERVE ME and NO LONGER DESERVES my love and affection, attention and care. I am truly DETACHING even farther... . there is "no comeback" this time.
I can do nothing more than truly believe him and I KNOW that he, unfortunately for him, WILL LOSE ME because of this and it is NOT my doing but his. I have felt foolish FOR TRUSTING this man... . I choose to put that effort into rebuilding my life; starting RIGHT NOW.
This stand is especially going to be tough, given the fact that you have no job, no car and no place to live. However, I can tell you from personal experience, it is a far better thing than what awaits you with a BPD spouse.
Fortunately, in some ways, he is NOT my spouse, he promised marriage and upon dysregulation just 6 months after I gave up my job and relocated, he started trying to kick me out. I am done. He told me to call my son's father to come and get him and that he wanted me to go to the YMCA shelter. What I feel for him is NO LONGER LOVE.
So, best wishes on your journey to the Land of Sanity. You'll have plenty of support from your BPD family, but seeking out a good therapist should be somewhere on your short list of things to do now.
Thanks again... . I spoke to my counselor last night and will be meeting her this morning... . she is aware of BPD and DBT and understands this situation very well... . fortunately, it is through a pro bono program and I do not have to pay for it... . I appreciate the support from this group... . I had studied personality disorders when I left my son's father thinking that he was OCPD/NPD and I had "just heard" of BPD and could not even imagine it until about 6 months after I "gave up everything" to be with this SEVERELY and HOPELESSLY BPD man. I STILL have me and my son and we will make it... . somehow... . without his help... .
OH even though he was throwing me OUT the door, I told him that I do have a few personal belongings that I cannot take to a shelter. He said that he would NOT throw them out and logically I said "You are throwing ME out, why would I trust you NOT to throw out my things"... . in other words... . I no longer trust you because you are NOT trust worthy. He doesn't like me saying things that implies that "he is bad"... . so I asked him has HE EVER done ANYTHING that was "bad" and he just couldn't answer it; deflected it and devolved into yelling "get the F out of my house". I am done.
