When do you quit throwing the white flag

[cal644]

Today I visited with my soon to be ex wife (19 yrs) who has uBPD.  She tells me how she is struggeling and not happy.  I stupidly once again throw in the white flag saying all she has to do are my 2 conditions. 1. Stop texting her emotional affair 4,000+ times a month 2. Goto marriage counciling.  Once again she shoots me down and puts all the blame on me saying how miserable she was with me (only when affair started, I was her savior before that for 18 1/2 years).  She tells me that she's not happy because I'm taking everything in the divorce (not true 50/50 state).  This has been the 8th white flag I've thrown in 3 months with all of them being thrown in my face as this is all my fault because I filed. I still love her and have seen the good in her before the affair but since the affair I don't know who she is anymore.  That's why its hard for me to let go.  Any advice?

[waitaminute]

I can only say that my wife divorced me for my emotional affair with my BPDgf. I had never even met her before the legal separation that preceded the divorce decree. I also sent money to the BPD, but it was not enough to change our financial status.

Not saying my wife was wrong. But I believe that had my wife just been patient beyond the 2 years of the emotional affair, I would have said goodbye to the BPDgf. I had tried several times but felt that I was the only one who could help her. Eventually, I would have learned that view was wrong. During those two years, we had made progress on some of the things that led to my need to help another woman. We could have worked it out ... up to some point. The point of no return was when my wife became violent. I understand the source of the violence. She feared losing her husband, her home, her stable life. But it was a self prophesizing fear.

No advice here. Just my thoughts.