The Look

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

This week, at a couple of school functions, I get the stare.  It's easy enough to ignore.  But it catches my attention.  Unfortunately.  I used to feel guilty and blame myself for noticing, but now I'm a little more realistic.  When BPDex sits herself a couple of tables in front of me, facing me, watching me, there's going to be a moment I look up and see her.  I can move over and switch seats or purposefully turn my attention to someone or something beside me, but as many of you know, BPD's are pros at trying to get your attention. Okay, I scoot over so she stands up and looks at me-just one example.

And the stares and looks are just... .  creepy.   I mean I walk into a room and she'll be front and center, the first person I see in a room of 50 or more people and within nanoseconds of eye contact, there's this pathetic look, this poor me, won't you notice me look.  And on the other nanosecond, the person who is their knight in shining armor, gives a look too, only it's a look of conquering, heroistic, protector... .  yeah, so you know the moment you've seen the new partner give this look, the very moment you walk into a room, you've already been talked about.  The look(s) give it away.  Even in nanoseconds.

Then the processing/working through has to occur.  Sometimes, like right this minute, I'm just angry about it.  I hope it's okay to just throw that out here without seeming like I'm giving her power.  I think on a human level, on a self-preservation level, it's disturbing and upsetting when someone speaks bad about you, sets up scenarios where you're the subject of obviously something mean and hateful and untrue.  And perhaps, maybe, I wouldn't feel so much like rolling my eyes in disgust if it hasn't been occuring for over two decades. I mean, really, what can she keep saying or making up for all this time with no new information, relationship, knowledge, conversations about me?  It is so very old and so very unwelcome.  And I hate feeling like I have to be on guard or worry about being threatened by some stranger who so happens to believe whatever she is saying... .  makes me feel like I'm paranoid or way over protective of my own safety and that of my kids.  It's unnerving at times.

[Sparkley]

This week, at a couple of school functions, I get the stare.  It's easy enough to ignore.  But it catches my attention.  Unfortunately.  I used to feel guilty and blame myself for noticing, but now I'm a little more realistic.  When BPDex sits herself a couple of tables in front of me, facing me, watching me, there's going to be a moment I look up and see her.  I can move over and switch seats or purposefully turn my attention to someone or something beside me, but as many of you know, BPD's are pros at trying to get your attention. Okay, I scoot over so she stands up and looks at me-just one example.

And the stares and looks are just... .  creepy.   I mean I walk into a room and she'll be front and center, the first person I see in a room of 50 or more people and within nanoseconds of eye contact, there's this pathetic look, this poor me, won't you notice me look.  And on the other nanosecond, the person who is their knight in shining armor, gives a look too, only it's a look of conquering, heroistic, protector... .  yeah, so you know the moment you've seen the new partner give this look, the very moment you walk into a room, you've already been talked about.  The look(s) give it away.  Even in nanoseconds.

Then the processing/working through has to occur.  Sometimes, like right this minute, I'm just angry about it.  I hope it's okay to just throw that out here without seeming like I'm giving her power.  I think on a human level, on a self-preservation level, it's disturbing and upsetting when someone speaks bad about you, sets up scenarios where you're the subject of obviously something mean and hateful and untrue.  And perhaps, maybe, I wouldn't feel so much like rolling my eyes in disgust if it hasn't been occuring for over two decades. I mean, really, what can she keep saying or making up for all this time with no new information, relationship, knowledge, conversations about me?  It is so very old and so very unwelcome.  And I hate feeling like I have to be on guard or worry about being threatened by some stranger who so happens to believe whatever she is saying... .  makes me feel like I'm paranoid or way over protective of my own safety and that of my kids.  It's unnerving at times.