I need advice and a lobotomy

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I left my BPD wife nine months ago.  I moved across the world back to the UK as I had zero family.  I left behind a nine year old son which was painful beyond belief.

She divorced me and told me she had somebody else.

A few months later  I was being called, showered with emails and I caved as NC was hard with my son.  The worst thing about the whole thing was I only stayed in the marriege for his sake and he started to behave like she did towards me which was very hurtful as I was the one that looked after him.  She was a career woman so I had to juggle a full time job as well as cook, clean and look after him.  He was also special needs so i had to deal with all the hassle of his school.  He was  very bright kid but a nightmare at school.  They thought he had autism so add that stress to a BPD wife and its  a miracle I didnt wind up a drunk or go insane.

He  never really got any support at school as she refused any kind of interventaion and even stoppted me from trying to get to the bottem of his problems.

Anyway I resisted all attempts to be recycled.  I fell for that once before and things didnt change.  The problem is now I feel like a sleeper agent.  Something has gone off and Im pretty much feeling the urge to get on a plane and return to her.

The worst thing is I have a really amazing girlfriend who I really love, yet every day it seems there is a war being fought in my head between the person who wants a happy relationship and the person who wants to go back and be subjected to her again.

I know a big part is the fact I miss my son and she is using every trick in the book to guilt trip me.  I lay awake at night thinking of him and she is such a expert at getting to me.

Her latest trick is saying shes buying me a ticket and ignoring everything I have said.  I told her I have somebody else but that doesnt matter.  Why the hell after all this time am I thinking of going back.

[keith99]

I left my BPD wife nine months ago.  I moved across the world back to the UK as I had zero family.  I left behind a nine year old son which was painful beyond belief.

She divorced me and told me she had somebody else.

A few months later  I was being called, showered with emails and I caved as NC was hard with my son.  The worst thing about the whole thing was I only stayed in the marriege for his sake and he started to behave like she did towards me which was very hurtful as I was the one that looked after him.  She was a career woman so I had to juggle a full time job as well as cook, clean and look after him.  He was also special needs so i had to deal with all the hassle of his school.  He was  very bright kid but a nightmare at school.  They thought he had autism so add that stress to a BPD wife and its  a miracle I didnt wind up a drunk or go insane.

He  never really got any support at school as she refused any kind of interventaion and even stoppted me from trying to get to the bottem of his problems.

Anyway I resisted all attempts to be recycled.  I fell for that once before and things didnt change.  The problem is now I feel like a sleeper agent.  Something has gone off and Im pretty much feeling the urge to get on a plane and return to her.

The worst thing is I have a really amazing girlfriend who I really love, yet every day it seems there is a war being fought in my head between the person who wants a happy relationship and the person who wants to go back and be subjected to her again.

I know a big part is the fact I miss my son and she is using every trick in the book to guilt trip me.  I lay awake at night thinking of him and she is such a expert at getting to me.

Her latest trick is saying shes buying me a ticket and ignoring everything I have said.  I told her I have somebody else but that doesnt matter.  Why the hell after all this time am I thinking of going back.

[Rose Tiger]

Since it is not a sudden realization that she loves you, or that she realizes how wonderful you were, it's that she is having to take care of everything.  And hey!  You used to do all that!

I'd let it self implode and hope for custody.    I'd keep responding with, hey if you need a break, we can have son relocate here for a time if that helps... .  

Lobotomy, isn't that what Jeffrey Dahmer did to his victims?  Wanted them all zombie and compliant.  That is not the road for you!